#DadJokes
My deepest gratitude goes out to the #Mastodon community, a #community that has literally improved the quality of my time on this spinning rock as it hurtles through space, towards a future that seems more uncertain every day. It’s unlike any other “social media platform” here.
Today I will quietly celebrate the fact that over four thousand people have chosen to follow along, chuckle at the #puns, groan at the #dadjokes, and comment on my random musings.
Big shoutout to my #Dgarhead followers who are listening to and boosting my songs! You are truly amazing people and my heart feels like it’s going to explode from my chest when I think about the amazing support and love you have given me in your toots and comments.
The reception from everyone has been wonderful acceptance, and my entire experience here has been truly humbling.
Massive big huge love to you all, and as always,
#Follow
#Boost
#Love
Jon.
The Dgar Project.
☝️😁🤘
❤️🧡💛💚💙💜
6:30 is my favorite time of day, hands down. #DadJokes #BadJokesOnly
Most people can’t tell the difference between entomology and etymology. I can’t find the words for how much this bugs me. #DadJokes #BadJokesOnly
I lost 25% of my roof last night...oof. #BadJokesOnly #DadJokes
I love dad jokes, but I don't have kids, which makes me a Faux Pa. #BadJokesOnly #DadJokes
what do you call someone with no body and no nose?
nobody knows. #BadJokesOnly #DadJokes
My house is grade 2 listed, which of course means we all have to be quite good at the piano. #dadjokes
I've just offered my elderly neighbour £20 if she will allow me a go on her stair lift.
I think she'll take me up on it.
There are pop tarts, but no mom tarts. This confused me, until I realised it was the fault of the pastryarchy.
So here’s #DadJokes for the day:
What do you call two octopus that looks the same? I tentacle.
A very serious look on #DadJokes to serve as a pedagogic function for dads when bringing up their children.
https://www.bps.org.uk/psychologist/dad-jokes-thats-way-eye-roll
ME: Lukas, you're lucky you have sisters. I was an only child. I didn't get to play Hide and Seek. I had a different game called "Hide".
LUKAS: Daddy ...
ME: I won.
LUKAS: Daddy!
ME: My record is 6 hours.
LUKAS: DADDY!
Are good looking pigs Hamsone?
What's the difference between an Indian and an African elephant?
One of them is an elephant.
I used to sell security alarms door to door, and I was really good at it.
If no one was at home I would just leave a brochure on the kitchen table.
My girlfriend kept asking me for some peace and quiet while she cooked dinner last night, so I took the batteries out of the smoke detector.
Saturday tip:
If you're feeling tired and run down, feel refreshed by tapping f5 repeatedly.
To the thief who stole my jogging trainers with the built in GPS tracker:
You can run, but you can't hide.
It’s #FollowFriday and I #FollowBack so #Follow me for a #FridayFollow this #Friday.
If you have an #introduction toot pinned on your #Mastodon profile that you’d like boosted, #comment “IntroBoost” below, and I’ll give you a #boost to help you connect with the community.
If you #FollowMe you can expect #DadJokes, bad #puns, and original #IndieMusic so I look forward to connecting with you, and connecting you to a wider #community.
🫶
why is it a bad idea to eat a clock? because it's so time-consuming. #BadJokesOnly #DadJokes
my landlord told me we need to talk about the heating bill.
"sure," I said. "my door is always open." #BadJokesOnly #DadJokes
Why do front end developers eat lunch alone?
They don't know how to join tables.
I've entered a contest telling eleven jokes about Wimbledon.
Personally I believe tennis enough.
Spring Forward time change this weekend. Are you ready? I fixed my clock ;)
I really wish we could stay on one time and stop changing twice a year.
#StopTheTimeChange #SpringForward #DadJokes
🕯️ Happy Friday! It makes "scents" to enjoy your day.
If you don't like #badpoetry and #dadjokes, best to unfollow me, LOL. (just a warning for the uninitiated).
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops.
On my desk, I have a work station.
I've just had a text message telling me that I've either won £150 cash, or tickets to an Elvis tribute show.
I can't decide whether to reply one for the money, or two for the show🤔
Which state has the most streets? Rhode Island. #DadJokes #BadJokesOnly
I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine: we just get better with age. The next day she locked me in the cellar. #DadJokes #BadJokesOnly
Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house? Of course, houses can't jump. #DadJokes #BadJokesOnly
@andy I got confused for a minute and didn't think that picture looked like @brucelawson :) #dadjokes
I bet fruit farmers *never* get tired of people yelling "hey! Grow a pear!" at them.
My feed is much more pleasant now that I’ve filtered out the #dadjokes
They’re so irritating
I should have known better. My guitar doesn't work. The seller said, "No strings attached." #dadjokes
It's easy to convince ladies not to eat Tide Pods, but harder to deter gents. #DadJokes #BadJokesOnly
Some nerdy coworker, displeased about an out-of-stock condiment, left a cryptic break room post-it note.
Nerdy Dad Joker that I am, I responded with the 2nd post-it.
Explanations in the Alt Text...
Hi, friends. My schedule is opening up a little in March so I’m seeking a new project. If you need help making your digital product usable, accessible, and inclusive, I’d love to talk.
My principles:
#Accessibility
#Usability
#Inclusivity
#Equity
My expertise:
#UX
#IA
#Research
#Design
#DadJokes
Boosts are loved and appreciated with gratitude.
My website:
https://markwyner.com/
My thoughts:
https://markwyner.medium.com/
what makes it a dad joke?
when the punch line is apparent. #BadJokesOnly #DadJokes
Do you know what Sin City is? Of course, you do, it's Las Vegas.
Do you know what Den City is?
No?
Mass over Volume.
what did the fish say when he swam into a wall?
dam. #BadJokesOnly #DadJokes
It’s #FollowFriday and I #FollowBack so #Follow me for a #FridayFollow this #Friday.
If you have an #introduction toot pinned on your profile that you’d like boosted, #comment “IntroBoost” below, and I’ll give you a #boost to help you connect with the community.
If you #FollowMe you can expect #DadJokes, bad #puns, and original #IndieMusic so I look forward to connecting with you, and connecting you to a wider #community.
🫶
#DragonAfterDark
🍸 🐲 🚬
Q: Why do optometrists make lousy lovers?
A: Because the whole time, they keep asking, "OK, better like this, or better like this? Better like this, or better like this?"
#dadjoke
#dadjokes
Well good job Sting. Probably caught him running through the Firlds of Gold. That Police training paid off #dadjokes
A tower of integrity, he was not.
https://www.nytimes.com/2023/02/13/us/politics/architect-of-capitol-brett-blanton.html
Why did the scarecrow win the Scarecrow of the Year Award?
Because he was outstanding in his field.
a pun, a play on words, and a limerick walk into a bar.
no joke. #BadJokesOnly #DadJokes
there's a band called 1023MB. they haven't had any gigs yet. #BadJokesOnly #DadJokes