A bug in a software update has removed all German contacts from my smartphone contacts.
It’s switched on the “Hans-free” setting.
Does she know these #jokes are at her expense?
Why do scuba divers fall backward into the water?
Because if they fell forwards they would still be in the boat.
What do you get when you cross a computer with a freezer?
Cold, hard data.
A man went to see his doctor, who told him he didn’t have long to live.
Shocked, he demanded , “Well, how long have I got?”
The doctor said, “Ten…”
Cutting him off, the man said, “What, years? Months? Days!!!???”
Looking at his watch the doctor continued, “… nine… eight…”
Booting something is actually where you kick it to start it up. Rebooting is where you repeatedly kick it until it restarts. ... Or doesn't.
What do moon people do after they get married?
They go on their honeyearth.
1) Road Construction Season 🚧,
2) OMG BRRRRRR! 🥶.
These are separated by two long weekends: “Sprang” and “Fell”—always referred to in the past tense because they’re over before you know it! 🤣
What do scientists who study the Sun in dark places have?
A flare for research.
If you take your watch to be fixed, make sure you don’t pay upfront.
Wait until the time is right.
How do you know when a bike is thinking?
You can see its wheels turning.
Albert Einstein developed a theory about space, and it was about time too!
Bear tips: It's good to use bear bells and carrry bear spray while hiking.
How do you tell the difference between black bear and grizzly bear scat?
I had dinner once with a chess Grand Master in a restaurant with checked tablecloths.
It took them two hours to pass me the salt.