#Joke
A bug in a software update has removed all German contacts from my smartphone contacts.
It’s switched on the “Hans-free” setting.
#joke #jokes #jokesofmastodon #jokeoftheday #dadjoke #dadjokes #funny #humour #humor #puns #comedy #fun #LOL #facepalm #extremefacepalm #notmyfault #fun #just4fun #smartphone #german #bug
Source unknown:
If you know you know
#mortalkombat #meme #joke #gaming
Hamlet: "I am too much in the sun."
Claudius: "Hi, too much in the sun. I'm Dad."
#CaitlynJenner #laughs at #Trump #staffer’s #transphobic #joke.
Does she know these #jokes are at her expense?
#Women #Transgender #LGBTQ #LGBTQIA #Conservatives #Extremism #RepublicanParty #Hate #Bigotry #Violence #Genocide #Discrimination #Transphobia #ThePartyOfHate #Privilege
https://www.lgbtqnation.com/2023/09/caitlyn-jenner-laughs-at-trump-staffers-transphobic-joke/
Connor Burns Announces Debut Tour "Vertigo" for 2023/24 Get all the info and tour dates here
#ConnorBurns #Vertigo #Comedy #joke #Standup
https://screen-one.net/connor-burns-announces-debut-tour-vertigo-for-2023-24/
"Income tax time is when you test your powers of deduction." — Shelby Friedman — — — #ShelbyFriedman #quote #quotes #quip #snarky #incometax #deduction #humor #humorous #funny #joke
Poor kid and rich kid switch places and learn stuff about each other and poor kid murders rich kid to keep from ever 𝐸𝑉𝐸𝑅 going back.
Why do scuba divers fall backward into the water?
Because if they fell forwards they would still be in the boat.
ResWhirl doodles (pretending they're separate people)
#oc #originalcharacter #nsfw #oralsex #oral #cunnilingus #joke #doodle
Just a little joke for the Comic Fury ...people are drawing their main characters as gators.
#Katran #Nirrod #joke #ComicFury
My uncle is up for “Dentist of the Year”. If he wins he’ll get a little plaque.
#joke #jokes #jokesofmastodon #jokeoftheday #dadjoke #dadjokes #funny #humour #humor #puns #comedy #fun #LOL #facepalm #extremefacepalm #notmyfault #fun #just4fun
Web Development has evolved and progressed over the last 20 years... but maybe not always for the better 😅😂
New comiCSS comic: https://comicss.art/?id=104
The numbering scheme for these #Friday movies gets really confusing.
I figured it started with Friday. But, the next one I found was Friday 13. Or was it the 13th.
Either way, they're nothing alike.
Don't get this franchise.
Tags: #Silly #Joke #Movies #FridayThe13th
A man went to see his doctor, who told him he didn’t have long to live.
Shocked, he demanded , “Well, how long have I got?”
The doctor said, “Ten…”
Cutting him off, the man said, “What, years? Months? Days!!!???”
Looking at his watch the doctor continued, “… nine… eight…”
#joke #jokes #jokesofmastodon #jokeoftheday #dadjoke #dadjokes #funny #humour #humor #puns #comedy #fun #LOL #facepalm #extremefacepalm #notmyfault #fun #just4fun
Booting something is actually where you kick it to start it up. Rebooting is where you repeatedly kick it until it restarts. ... Or doesn't.
@tayfonay @kv @BlackAzizAnansi FYA: Here in upstate NY, we actually have only two seasons:
1) Road Construction Season 🚧,
and,
2) OMG BRRRRRR! 🥶.
These are separated by two long weekends: “Sprang” and “Fell”—always referred to in the past tense because they’re over before you know it! 🤣
“I think this is how the world will come to an end: to general applause from wits who believe it’s a joke.”
— Kierkegaard
https://youtube.com/shorts/84_n-ET3y4M?si=cQLodzE5ZA_Jnj0z
#philosophy #life #books #quotes #joke #youtube #video @bookstodon
Wherever he is my father will be looking down on us.
He’s not dead… just very condescending.
#joke #jokes #jokesofmastodon #jokeoftheday #dadjoke #dadjokes #funny #humour #humor #puns #comedy #fun #LOL #facepalm #extremefacepalm #notmyfault #fun #just4fun
All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my right hand.
#joke #jokes #jokesofmastodon #jokeoftheday #dadjoke #dadjokes #funny #humour #humor #puns #comedy #fun #LOL #facepalm #extremefacepalm #notmyfault #fun #just4fun
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Asbestos...
Asbestos who?
Asbestos I can determine, your garage is on fire.
Michael row un beau ti-char, alleluia.
(The joke is multilingual. :catthinking: You might also need to be high to get it. )
#ProgrammingHumor from Women Who Code https://www.womenwhocode.com/, via their account on the site formerly known as Twitter.
#Joke
"Why did the chicken cross the road?"
This... Was way deeper than I expected.
How do pirates prefer to communicate?
Aye to aye!
#Pirate #Joke #InternationalTalkLikeAPirateDay #TalkLikeAPirateDay #Pun #Humor #Comedy #Funny
What's a pirate's favorite letter?
You might think it's "R," but it's actually the "C" they love!
#Pirate #Joke #InternationalTalkLikeAPirateDay #TalkLikeAPirateDay #Pun #Humor #Comedy #Funny
If you take your watch to be fixed, make sure you don’t pay upfront.
Wait until the time is right.
Albert Einstein developed a theory about space, and it was about time too!
#joke:
Bear tips: It's good to use bear bells and carrry bear spray while hiking.
How do you tell the difference between black bear and grizzly bear scat?
Black bear droppings have berries, leaves, and fur, and are smaller. Grizzly bear droppings often have bear bells in them, and smell of hot peppers. #grizzly #bears
I had dinner once with a chess Grand Master in a restaurant with checked tablecloths.
It took them two hours to pass me the salt.
The audience at a piano recital was appalled when a phone rang off stage.
Without missing a note, the soloist glanced toward the wings and called, “If that’s my agent, tell them I’m working.”