I have no reason or desire to ever try an escape room, or panic room as far as I’m concerned, because the vast majority of my dreams are literally me trying g to figure out how to escape the nightmare and wake up.
A new thing about my nightmares though, is that more and more often I am recognizing I am in a nightmare while asleep. And then I am actually pleading *out loud* for help in the nightmare or help to get out. I wake up and am briefly delirious while a come out of the nightmare.
This might sound bad, but it is actually a huge improvement over the past… idk, since earliest night terrors and nightmares when I was around 5yo. Part of me thinks the improvement is because of an appropriate treatment plan for mental illness.
“Some days,” my friend Gianni said, “it’s not about how full the glass is but rather about being grateful you have a glass.”
When I woke up at almost noon, I got dressed for the day. An error on my part. Should have gotten dressed for bedtime.
Being out and about in the world for most of the day yesterday left me feeling like a squeezed out lemon. This is not new, it is part of why I stay at home most of the time.
But now? I am completely drained of life, and might be for a few days.
I was slightly acquainted with a mad scientist in the 90s. He didn't build doomsday devices, but he was a scientist, head of a lab, and mentally ill. Specifically, he showed symptoms of paranoid delusion and delusions of grandeur. Eventually he was removed from his lab, and his professorship moved across the org chart from an academic department to the university's HR department.
I declined because I was ashamed of asking my mom. She would have been thrilled, and supportive. But that just how much I hated myself. That, plus anxietyn plus burn out: I did a really bad deprresion in 2019 which I'm just recovering from, because I didn't take my mental health seriously and concealed my issues from everyone. I got hospitalised three times in 2021 alone #mentalhealth #mentalillness #depression #anxiety #selfhate
I can't believe that the gold standard of care for people with repeat hospitalizations for #MentalIllness and #MentalHealth issues is Marsha Linehan telling us to fix our face, sit up straight, and feel better.
Sounds to me like an American is trying to keep people out of hospital (and therefore not spend more money on healthcare in the short-term) rather than actually heal (for the long-term).
Daily reminder that nobody is right all the time, including PhDs.
I got an HD on the paper I handed in last week. It was a critical analysis of the policy report from People with Disabilities Australia and Domestic Violence NSW.
I'm pretty chuffed with the comment I got from my lecturer 😊
If you've been following my saga, you know that my world is sort of imploding right now:
My father passed away this morning.
My partner had to drastically cut back his hours at work last week and step down from a job he loved due to his PTSD.
We're so far in the hole with our landlords that we have less than a week to organize our crap, move everything out, and try to find somewhere to live.
Bills are coming due, seemingly all at once. Therapy bills, doctors bills, phone bills, oh my!
But since I've had to take time off from work for everything, we've already burned what paltry funds we had on hand. Just the fuel alone to travel back and forth to my hometown has killed us financially.
$300 - car insurance. We both need to drive to get to work in our transit-averse area.
$100 - partner's mental health therapy discounted rate.
$150 - various pet expenses.
$800 - first months rent at new place.
$120 - tire. My partner has been driving on his "donut" spare tire for months now. We got new tires for his car and within a couple weeks, it was destroyed by construction debris on his way to work. Since we couldn't afford to replace it, back on the donut wheel we go.
$150 - telephone service, we need this both for work purposes but also in case my family needs to reach me in the immediate future.
I realize seeing people constantly begging online is discouraging or inspiring cynicism. My hope is by cutting our rent in half, we can begin to recover and function like normal adults and not need to do constant digital panhandling.
Since we have very little time to waste under the circumstances and we need as much help as we can get, I'm asking all who read this to include cat and dog images, or really anything that you feel is interesting, useful or beautiful, in your replies.
It's a shameless ploy to elicit more attention to our circumstances, but also because my partner and I could use some cheering up. It's been a rough month.
ALSO: In celebration of my father's corny sense of humor, please also feel free to include Dad Jokes, bawdy humor, and trick stories (For example my Dad loved to convince people that someone had left a cooler on the side of the road with a human toe on ice inside it. Then once the listener gasped in horror and asked what happened next, he would cheerfully reply 'Oh, it was fine. They called a Toe Truck to come pick it up')
In summary; those willing and able to contribute would be immensely appreciated. The only reason we didn't get evicted last month was an unusually high donation. To that person: you kept us safe. Thank you.
I know many people aren't comfortable doing so but if you can donate via venmo @thegizmotwins you can make sure we continue treading water. Our GoFundMe is still active but funds can sometimes take a few days before accessing.
3K characters later: Thank you everyone once again for your boosts, your support, and your mutual aid contributions. I'm immensely fortunate to have my friends here on the fediverse.
It's amusing* that Mastodon can do so well** with regards to ableism and accessibility when it comes to alt-text on images, yet is so grossly ableist with regards to mental illnesses.
* by "amusing", I mean "fucking awful"
** by "so well", I mean "the bare fucking minimum
Also, being face to face in a room full of people for 8 hours a day, 2 days next week is:
- a HUGE fucking covid risk
- going to have me dysfunctional for the rest of the week
- a waste of the time I should be using to get my assessment handed in
Please boost. I cured myself from life-long, all-encompassing debilitating OCD. I talk about it here and suggest practices to help you recover. Includes meditations, affirmations and thoughts on spirituality and the nature of the universe.
Please consider reviewing it on Amazon so it will keep coming up in searches!
I wonder if any therapists ever consider treating severe social anxiety disorder as some sort of post-traumatic stress disorder.
So much of the reaction to my anxiety has been to tell me it's irrational, it's unfounded, the things I worry about won't happen, people won't think of me like that; yet then when the situation occurs, more often than not, that's EXACTLY what ends up happening, my fears are proven correct & well founded. My last therapist witnessed this numerous times, including with 2 other clients of hers SHE suggested I meet with. THEY BOTH STOOD ME UP. She witnessed this! My fears were well founded! Yet when I complained, she said she didn't want to hear it anymore, they had excuses, I didn't.
I got this way through repeated bad experiences--trauma--with criticism, ignoring, & rejection. I did not imagine it. It was not just in my head.
So why does therapy treat it like it is?
THE SICKNESS UNTO DEATH
Oh, and everyone who is economically to the Left of #Stamer is a Corbynista ( so most** of the UK then)
#centrists are amazing -, the self-declared "grown-ups"
"66% of the public want to see energy in public ownership, including 62% of [tories]"
Here's the linbk to my new book on the US Amazon store: https://www.amazon.com/OCD-Free-Eric-Gordon/dp/B0CJ47SW9B/ref=sr_1_1?crid=36L5O7EN470IL&keywords=ocd-free&qid=1695060119&sprefix=ocd-free%2Caps%2C124&sr=8-1
If you're shopping at Amazon in another country, put "OCD-Free" and "Eric Gordon" in the search field. Thanks!!!
MILD TO MODERATE BLEH
I noticed that Amazon premiered the hardcover version of my book at 20% off, so if you're interested, now is the time to get it! Softcover also available. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CJ47SW9B?ref_=pe_3052080_397514860
My body shook like I was riding on an ATV on rough trails.
A voice inside told me I needed to sleep.
How long has it been? I wondered.
My memory failed me, and my heart refused to care.
#Mania was taking over.
I just submitted one of the two assignments I have outstanding from last year.
It's a critical analysis of "Women with Disability and Domestic and Family Violence: A Guide for Policy and Practice".
My lecturer has been incredibly supportive and patient.
My grade was automatically finalised because I had gotten enough marks to pass the subject without handing in the final assignment, and he helped me apply to have the grade reopened. He understands that my goal is for HDs so I can so honours (hopefully first class honours) and that I'd really like to graduate with the university medal.
Most of the time I get people telling me that I should just settle and just concentrate on passing, especially because of being a disabled student.. it's nice to have a lecturer who gets it.
I have another to submit in 3 weeks - it's an assessment of the media coverage of Kumanjayi Walker's murder.
GO PLAY OUTSIDE, DAMMIT
I didn’t do a good job on my makeup today, but also I kinda don’t care a whole lot. Just looking at myself thinking I could have done better. So maybe I do care. Or I’m just having one of the days where I don’t see myself as I really am. Or I *am* seeing myself as I really am, and perhaps I don’t like it. Idk. I think I’m getting into a bad mood state.
I Will NEVER understand why #Colorism is NOT listed as a #MentalIllness IT SHOULD BE along with #Racism and #Tribalism too! #BlackAmericans #AfricanAmerican #Race #Racism #USA #US #America #Africa #SelfHate #Africans #AfricanAmerican #BlackAmericans #Ghana #GhanaNews #Colorist #SkinBleaching 👇🏽#Blackmastodon https://tbobwoge.medium.com/my-6-hour-phone-call-with-a-black-writer-who-hates-light-skin-blacks-africans-tried-to-95dce37300da
Two recent books on depression look for the cause(s) now that the "chemical imbalance" idea has been refuted.
My 10-day hospital stay was over and so was my mini Florida vacation.
It was back to the real world, and I was anxious about what would come next.
This is the story of how my friend helped me adjust back to normal life.
My bipolar disorder diagnosis came in the spring of 1995.
I was 23 years old, in a psychiatric hospital, and facing one of my toughest battles.
No one saw it, but there were years of symptoms leading up to the diagnosis.
Here are a few of the signals my parents missed.
I was invited by a local county judge to present my caregiver perspective at a regular monthly meeting of the Behavioral Health and Criminal Justice Advisory Committee of Travis County, Texas. The group's goal is reducing the entanglement of persons with mental illness in the criminal justice system. My wife joined me in presenting, yesterday, and we both thought it went great! We spoke about our personal experiences as parents and caregivers for an adult living with schizophrenia and shared data from author Seth Stoughton, the Police Executive Research Forum (PERF), and the CAHOOTS program in support of improving the response to those in crisis. The committee members were engaged and we received enthusiastic applause at the end of our presentation. I hope we made a lasting difference. Our five wrap-up suggestions:
1. Reduce the contact persons with serious mental illness have with the justice system:
a. Certified Peer Support Specialists could be hired to conduct frequent telehealth wellness checks and paid a stipend by the minute for the time they spend on their cell phones with clients.
b. Caregivers could benefit from de-escalation training and access to help from outside the justice system, perhaps from a network of family and friends who undergo training to become Certified Family Peer Specialists.
2. Pledge that first-responders will acquire skills for an unarmed response to those without a gun. A mutual “no guns” agreement would require that no gun is available to a person with serious mental illness for there to be a private response. This would increase the safety of all stakeholders. Such a program is one that caregivers could get excited about.
3. Minimize coercion by making hospitality a leading feature of the diversion center. Make it a “living room” where persons want to go for help. Make it a place all stakeholders will encourage persons with mental illnesses to go for help. We don’t want any stakeholders to discourage use of the diversion center.
4. For those who hesitate to accept treatment, offer financial incentives for psychotic and homeless persons to try a long-acting injectable antipsychotic, like the incentives offered to blood plasma donors and in clinical trials of new medications—if they are competent to reject treatment, they are competent to accept treatment with an incentive.
5. Don’t forget the <1% with unstable psychotic disorders who have lost reality contact and are homeless. Unless they are already known to be non-responders to prior treatment, consider a brief involuntary commitment at a facility separate from the diversion center and with the approval of collaborating judges and physicians. Develop new ways to improve the lives of treatment non-responders.
The judge said the policy lacks “a #clearpurpose." Garza also noted that the #conservative #evangelical #schoolboard described #genderidentity as a “#delusion” and a “#mentalillness” when discussing the #Hateful #policy.
I just had an interesting moment in therapy.
I said something, and my therapist responded with "oh, that's really well put.. do you mind if I just write that down quickly?"
I know that you can't win at therapy, but I feel like I'm at least getting a Distinction grade..
Does anyone know anything about Shadow Work with regards to therapy?
I've been reading a little bit about it, and I think I want to raise it with my therapist.
[edit - I should have been more clear.. what I'm asking for is people who have actual experience (positive or negative) with Shadow Work]
THE HUMMINGBIRD METHOD
It's called hummingbirding because you're hovering over the task by being in the space the task is.
Figures reveal services regularly breached response-time targets, with one person waiting three days
https://www.theguardian.com/society/2023/sep/02/ambulance-delays-mental-illness-england #NHSEngland #ToryPoliciesInAction #BreakThenPrivatise
Oh he fell into a "crushing depression" and "completely loses control of his emotions?" This was not a heat of the moment #murder. It was a pattern of #abuse over years by an obsessed man who planned to kill her bc he couldn't have her and she didn't want him in her life. I loathe when people use #Mentalillness as an excuse for abhorrent actions. He’s clearly not right in the head, but being sad didn’t make him this way.
Am I being dense but I wish you could like quote posts? Like quote tweets? Unless I’m missing something? #question #askmastodon #askfediverse #askmeanything #newbie #newbiequestions #helpneeded #helpwanted #advice #advicewelcome #adviceplease #questionandanswer #qanda #supportneeded #mastodonhelp #mastodonhelp4newbies #twittermigration #twittermigrant #madtwitter #madmastodon #disabled #disability #spoonie #mentalhealth #mentalillness #bpd #bpdfam #chronicillness #chronicpain #fibromyalgia #cfs
I'm confused. As someone who has 2 close family members with #DissociativeIdentityDisorder previously called #MultiplePersonalityDisorder Where did all of these people with #plural in their bios come from recently? Is this a common perception of other #MentalIllness too? Is it a lifestyle thing? Are people just more comfortable to be seen now?
I can't believe I painted this four years ago. It was the night before I was due to go into hospital for my first round of TMS (Transcranial magnetic stimulation). I had a few more rounds of it in subsequent admissions but it didn't really do much for me.
My recovery in the last two years is a bit fraught with controversy so I don't really talk much about the details. It's been a journey trying to figure out who I am without all the anxiety keeping me locked up.
I'm new here, so here's a little info about me & this account, in case you’re wondering whether to follow or not.
I’m #disabled & #ChronicallyIll (#PanHypoPituitarism, #AdrenalInsufficiency, #hypothyroidism, #GERD, #HipDysplasia, #arthritis, #osteoporosis, pituitary #dwarfism, #HoH), a #trekkie, #geek, #introvert, & a girly girl who loves playing with #makeup.
Feel free to follow & interact, but don’t be a jerk please. Thanks. 😊
What people don't know, they don't know. Anyone can be #Homeless at any given time. My experiences have made me into the person that I am today.
#MentalHealth #MentalIllness #MentalHealthAwareness #MentalHealthSupport #MentalHealthMatters #AUDHD #ADHD #ActuallyAutistic #Neurodivergent #Neurodivergence #Neurodiversity #PTSD #CPTSD #DomesticAbuse #DomesticViolence #Twitter #Mastodon #Threads
Sometimes you gotta take the necessary steps for your protection. It is what it is.
In the past when I was depressed I would write a lot on my livejournal, tumblr, then twitter. Nowadays I am less inclined to share what's going on in my head because I don't want to bum people out. I don't know how many different ways to write "I am struggling with my existence" without boring people.
Book 7 for July 2023
Marilyn: Norma Jeane by Gloria Steinem
I would not normally have read a book about Marilyn but I was looking for stuff by Gloria and found this
It is a pretty serious look at her horrible life and the various things that really affected her.
It was a cooperation with George Barris who photographed Marilyn not that long before she died. The photos are nice but the prose takes up the majority of the book and it is actually worth the read.
I learned new things
I can't remember where I read this. But telling mentally ill people to eat well and exercise to boost their mood is like giving someone a new pair of scissors that is still in the packaging. The person needs scissors to open the new scissor packaging. This is not a helpful thing to do at all.
Trapped by perfectionism? Try this!
#art #Artist #ArtSchoolFromBed #arttutorial #artprocess #conceptualart #perfectionist #Mentalhealth #mentalillness #neurodivergent #autisitc #disabled #experimental #maximalism #dopaminedressing #dopaminedecor #blacklipstick
I have a high-functioning #ASD child (now an adult) who doesn't need to be "cured". The rest of us need to change a lot more than my kid, who is kind and brilliant and thoughtful.
But I'd be reluctant to tell the parents of a non-verbal #autistic child that their child only needs empathy and understanding, and not—if not a complete cure—therapies that are curative of the worst symptoms.
Empathy and understanding are the baseline we should all use in all of our interactions with others. ASD folks demand a bit extra from us in that department, and we should be prepared to provide it. And, for those who need it, we should be looking for tools to make their lives happier and more productive—which in some form may indeed look like "cures".
The MAiD law in Canada is genuinely one of the more horrifying devaluations of human life going on in the entire world, right up there with China's reproduction policies and Denmark's Downs Syndrome genocide.
I hate how it is so normalized that a straightforward description of what it does would be agreed to by those who endorse it, but so horrifying that many unaffected simply can't believe in it.
I openly talk about my #MentalHealth in order to raise #MentalHealthAwareness and to fight the stigma. I use my blog posts to share my story of #parenting with a #MentalIllness both good and bad sides. At the moment I am pursuing an assessment and diagnosis of possible #ADHD.
I choose to talk about Mental Health and openly discuss it to help others believe that they can too. My mental health doesn’t define me, but it is part of me, and #ItsOkayToNotBeOkay
Another great episode from ADHD Big Brother - An #ADHD Path To Doing Boring Stuff - Interview with Skye Waterson (https://www.linkedin.com/in/skye-waterson-n%C3%A9e-rapson-026286204/ ) - https://pod.link/1537032730/episode/58bd22afc155b4645756acee7489d7b6 #MentalIllness #MentalHealth
It’s not that often, or perhaps it is, that we have actual delusional, paranoid schizophrenics in the US House of Representatives. But here you have it: “The far-right US congresswoman Majorie Taylor Greene appeared to say she thinks she is being spied on through her television, possibly by the US government, and that someone may soon try to kill her.” #MGT #Republicans #politics #USHR #House #MentalIllness #conservatives #ConservativesReallyAreThatBad #MAGA https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2023/jun/26/majorie-taylor-greene-implies-tv-spying
I deeply appreciated this episode of the slight change of plans #podcast - Highly recommended: https://omny.fm/shows/a-slight-change-of-plans/mental-health-managing-mental-chatter #MentalIllness #mentalHealth
"While it is likely that only a subset of people diagnosed with schizophrenia and psychotic disorders have an underlying autoimmune condition, Markx and other doctors believe there are probably many more patients whose psychiatric conditions are caused or exacerbated by autoimmune issues." —Richard Sima for The Washington Post
The question I’ve been asked the most from disabled readers is “Where do I find stories that star folks who are like me?”
Well, have I got news for you!
By way of introductions:
My name is Rory, and I am a teacher. I don't work in a classroom with children, though. Instead, I work with adults who have survived some bull$#!+, to teach them new skills, and ways to improve their relationship with themselves, their loved ones, and their goals.
My work is @uproryus on YouTube.com, where I bring some of the skills I teach every week to the internet to make the information more widely available.
A large - and mostly overlooked - segment of homelessness is caused by high rents, not addiction or mental illness.
Drug addiction and mental illness exists everywhere. Grinding, Dickensian poverty does not.
So after the latest incident, all New Yorkers with good will and basic decency know what NOT to do if someone's acting erratic on the subway. But what SHOULD you do?
"After a life spent as a pillar of Bend’s civic life, Mr. Coyner had somehow reached a point of near total destitution, surrounded by the prosperity he had helped create." —Mike Baker @nytimes
I can't put into words how proud I am of my amazing wife, Kate. For 2 years she has worked to rebuild her life from serious #mentalillness. Now, she's joining me and some swim pals to participate in the #NorthEastSkinnyDip on Sunday September 24th 2023. There'll be around 1000+ people at #DruridgeBay stripping naked and running into the #NorthSea to raise money for #MIND mental health charity. Kate's story and #JustGiving funding page is here:
"What reasons do you have to be anxious about?"
Well, let's see...
- Traumatic memories
- Death and destruction
- Mood swings
- Mental disorders
- Various triggers
- Cloudy days
- Not eating properly
- Not sleeping properly
- Not enough rest
- Upcoming work days
- Troubling thoughts
- News of the world
- Social media
- Me, myself and I
- Why did I say that
- Things that I can control but have no energy for
- Things that I can't control, but somehow have the energy for
- Things that I should have not be anxious about but I am anyway
Lucía selfie reboot
I post my pics for therapeutic reasons mostly. I have a distorted self image, like an actual distortion of what I look like. It’s not self esteem, it’s not a low confidence issue, it’s just that my brain lies to me and shows me something warped often enough that I do not know which me is the actual me that people see. I don’t do it for the attention, although I do not complain about it, except for when it is somebody being a shit.
I post certain photos because it’s like an accountability record: “This one time, Lucía, you had this one feeling about yourself, remember?” But if there is no evidence of it, no evidence that can be verified by an outside observer (somebody other than me), then there is a chance that I might not believe I ever had that thought or feeling.
Anyways, yesterday I did a hard thing. I went into a couple quite busy places with a lot of people, not covering up my obvious but small bosom, wearing makeup, a somewhat form fitting shirt, and full well knowing I look like a non passing trans person. I smiled back at everybody who looked at me, even if it looked like they were disgusted.
I am a 6’5”, quite queer looking walking sore thumb everywhere I go like this. Usually I am swaddled in hoodie and I probably just look like an alternative femme leaning dude. But yesterday I felt *absolutely exposed* and vulnerable. But I also felt really good about the hard thing I did afterwards.
Whether intended or not, somebody made me feel like shit here on my post yesterday with this pic. I still do feel like shit, because the switch has already been flipped, the chemicals have burned my brain, and I can’t just make it go away. She made me feel ugly and dumb, and for a while my brain tried to make me think really shitty things.
I felt cute yesterday. Today I look at this pic and fortunately I still feel like it’s a cute pic.