Despite the #trauma she’s endured, it took her becoming the #fastestwomanintheworld after #winning the #women’s #100meter at the #trackandfield #worldchampionships in #Budapest in August to renew a skeptical public’s faith in her.
This week's substack is about trusting your instincts, and how that can be difficult, both due to trauma, or actually, when you learn the habit of unpicking things in #therapy.
Check it out (including free sample): https://open.substack.com/pub/selfcarebackpack/p/on-the-validity-of-instinct-and-feelings
Dunno how to tag or describe this but, I hate my parents. They're not worth hating. I want to forget. I want to waste less time hating them. It's been years. I don't know what, if anything, will help me let go.
Wrote this up on reddit. Didn't realize I was tearing up until I came here. Intellectually, they're gone. I know. Good as dead. But I'm still mad.
I like it when antagonists say correct things and the party agrees on the statements but disagree with the antagonist's actions/conclusion about what should be done. It's even better when the antagonist became like that because of a traumatic event that may or may not reveal a truth not even the party knows even when a character was involved during that time period.
[P] Here, this is the kind of thing I mean when I say that social identity is really evil. I'm not even allowed to talk about my own pain, about neurodivergence, about my traumas... I can only say the "right" things to say, which have been ordained as correct. It's apocryphal and heretical to talk about things that matter to me. Hence why I call myself pariah.
𝟭𝟭 𝗼𝗱𝗱𝗹𝘆 𝘀𝗽𝗲𝗰𝗶𝗳𝗶𝗰 𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗹𝗱𝗵𝗼𝗼𝗱 𝘁𝗿𝗮𝘂𝗺𝗮 𝗶𝘀𝘀𝘂𝗲𝘀 ...trauma issues that are 𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘶𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘮𝘰𝘯 among many of us urban, Internet-connected contemporary people.
𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘯𝘰𝘵 to be ashamed of, and 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘤𝘢𝘯 be coped with in day-to-day life.
“How much can I speak to without hurting her?”
This Harrowing Study Reveals Why Victims of Sexual Violence Don't go to the Police – Byline Times
For all the #trauma I've been through, I have no hate or resentment to anyone. I just don't have a hateful heart.
More often I literally forget it. But when my traumas resurface, I'm reminded how little they cared for me, & too much trouble to fix what they broke. They looked away instead. Often justifying it. It reinforces why I distanced myself from them. I don't feel I owe them anymore grace & I don't hold them in debt to me either. I leave it to God to give us what we need when they refuse.
"Living in a culture that...actually shuts down people who are trying to build better things is a really isolating and destructive experience.
"...#ClimateChange is throwing...pain, #trauma, #stress, angst & cultural toxicity at us. It can breed distrust, apathy...nihilism & ...deep fear. Even for people who are experiencing the #ClimateCrisis at a distance, through the lens of the #media, there’s a medically recognised causal pathway to #depression, #anxiety & #PTSD.”
"9/11 defendant unfit to stand trial after CIA torture ‘made him insane"
Über die epigenetische Vererbung von Traumata wird echt viel Unfug erzählt. Hier bei ARD alpha habe ich versucht, ein wenig aufzuklären.
#epigenetik #trauma #psychotherapie #geflüchtete #migration #kinder #prävention
I finished a series of 8 illustrations today. They're for a piece my brother wrote to process a traumatic event. I was worried that he'd not like the approach I used but he's apparently pleased. So that's a relief.
A local #Cinema here in Granada is showing a revival of Victor #Erice's 1973 #Film "Spirit of the Beehive," which is obliquely about the way members of a family, parents and children, come to terms (or not) with the oppressiveness of the Franco régime. The film's plot and meaning can be opaque to the point of impenetrability, but it certainly succeeds in communicating the hauntedness of private #Trauma to the viewer.
I'm a bit tempted to see the film on the big screen now that I'm here in #Spain. But for me it hearkens back to a point in my life where my nostalgia / self-pity was nearly lethal. The hauntedness of the film resonated with that self-pity intensely.
If you haven't seen the film, it's worth a look because it is deservedly considered a classic of #Spanish #Cinema. But, for me, there are certain periods of my life I'd prefer not to revisit in any way ... and rewatching that film would take me back there.
youtube-therapist-patrick-teahan has done it again: he has made me get all verklempt first thing in the morning!
here, he talks about fathers who didn't protect the child from other abusive family members, but this can apply to any caretaker.
as one of the people in the comments said, "Dealing with the realization that the “good” (actually just slightly less outright terrible) parent didn’t protect you is so much more difficult than any emotions towards the “main” abuser."
in my family, my dad was the main asshole and mom was the one who urged me to just play along and take it. growing up, i always thought of me and her as "co-victims" together, but now i see that that's not the case at all..
and as some other commenters said, i also grew up thinking that most parents actually didn't like their kids. especially fathers. i thought that NO fathers liked their kids and that they were all pretending. it took my brother becoming a parent and me seeing what a good dad he was for me to realize that that wasn't true.
#Racial #trauma has profound #mentalhealth consequence – a Black clinical #psychologist explains and offers 5 ways to heal https://blknewsnow.com/racial-trauma-has-profound-mental-health-consequence-a-black-clinical-psychologist-explains-and-offers-5-ways-to-heal/
#motherhood #trauma #emotionalincest #enmeshment I have worked with many clients recovering from this painful dynamic. What Is A Devouring Mother? The Parenting Term Explained https://www.scarymommy.com/parenting/devouring-mother-parenting-term-explained
THE SICKNESS UNTO DEATH
This is a must from #PBS #OPB #ThinkOutLoud for all those interested in #plant #plants #therapy #planttherapy #healing via a #mushroom #mushrooms #shroom #shrooms #trip...
And all those #ageist individuals who's own fear of growing #old makes them #prejudice against the #elderly....
At eighty-eight years #young #VivianAnderson is more lucid, open minded and forward thinking than most people half her #age!
Enduring good memories of infant trauma: Rescue of adult neurobehavioral deficits via amygdala serotonin and corticosterone interaction
Rincón-Cortésc et al., 2015, PNAS, https://www.pnas.org/doi/full/10.1073/pnas.1416065112
"Our findings suggest that trauma-linked cues have an unexpected positive value in adulthood (i.e., antidepressant properties) and may provide insight as to why victims of childhood abuse are attracted to abuse-related cues."
"With Gentle Affect - Surviving Trauma"
Written with gentle affect and love for all:
Words can be a powerful thing. Sometimes we may say something unintentionally that can open the wounds of another. The range of emotion conjured, may sometimes be manifest in response. Sometimes it's an acquired instinct.
In a world that has become so full of hate, there are many that have survived great trauma. Words that may seem innocent, can be like thrusting the sharpest of double-edged swords, slashing open the heart's healing scars. Sometimes, if one pokes the hive, the bee is likely to sting out of instinctual self-preservation. It's important to be mindful of others we encounter. Only they may know the shadows that haunt within them.
Being an advocate is not an easy task. You're basically telling people what they may do is not right but, without advocacy, where does #change lie? Taking the brunt and standing firm for others that may not have the strength? If one day it may help to prevent others with invisible disabilities from being subjected, how can I remain silent.
With that said, the last time I checked, I'm human too. I have a brain, a heart and everything. I also don't harbor bitterness or resentment... It messes up the atmosphere inside.
"If one breaks one's leg, they may have trouble walking, patience and understanding is key. The same is true for the brain.
Today's installment was going to be about the brain and spelling. There's link to an interesting article below. I always welcome kind correction and thoughtful constructive feedback.
OutOfExile_IDR © 2022
Don't Foster misconceptions.
What goes wrong in the brain when someone can't spell: https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2016/02/160202185457.htm
Image by German Artist "finemayer".
Buy finemayer a cup?:
#Sensitivity #disability #TBI #InvisibleDisabilities #trauma #pain C-#PTSD #ActuallyAutisic #DisabilitySolidarity #equality
#communication #resolution #peace #consideration #coexist #healing #MentalHealth #patience
(Migrated reboot originally posted Dec 15, 2022)
This long-read pulls together many of the threads I've been seeing, as a professional in the people-care side of things.
So. Much. Trauma.
(and re-triggered of old trauma).
It's from a US viewpoint, whereas my perspective is also informed by the EU and Canada and beyond. But then, we're all also affected by the global media, so it's not surprising that it adds up to pretty much the same conclusions.
Plenty to think about.
"Research shows people who speak another language are more utilitarian and flexible, less risk-averse and egotistical, and better able to cope with traumatic memories."
How thinking in a foreign language improves decision-making
Does it feel like things are weirder and more unpleasant than usual lately, the last few years, COVID, increased political corruption, everything?
Great article bringing to light all of the collective trauma we've felt in the USA and what I'm sure is everywhere in the world.
i don't know if CPTSD made me #goth, but what i *do* know is that it's halloween in my heart all year long.
with that said, one of my favorite anime is "hozuki no reitetsu", a comedy that takes place in japanese hell.
it's like it was made for me & my interests.
anyway, if halloween also lives in *your* heart, you may enjoy the show: https://yugenanime.tv/watch/3040/hoozuki-no-reitetsu/1/
content note: episode 3 has a fucked-up "gender panic" plot. i reeeeally hate the anime convention where 2 characters are trying to determine the gender of an ambiguously-gendered 3rd character. it is sooooo fucked up. and it's always used as a throwaway comedic thing. hate. it.
American exceptionalism is the ability to memoryhole better than the rest of the world.
Forgetfulness is a trauma response.
So is cynicism.
As I'm reading through the (potentially triggering) statistics in this article, I'm struck by how much is relevant to me and my circle directly, and it's staggering to realize it all at once. #Pandemic #Covid #COVID19 #Trauma #GunViolence #MassShooting #MassShootings #OpioidCrisis #ClimateChange #NaturalDisasters #HurricaneHarvey #USPolitics https://newrepublic.com/article/175311/america-polarized-traumatized-trump-violence
Triggerwarnungen wirken nicht so, wie sie sollen
Study links epigenetic changes to historic trauma in Alaska Native communities
* specific epigenetic differences observed in those in Alaska Native communities who reported experiencing most intense symptoms of distress wh. reflecting on historic losses
Association between gene methylation & experiences of historical trauma in Alaska Native peoples
@mckra1g oh, I'm so sorry. 😢
I've seen an uptick in violence since the pandemic. I think financial & personal stresses have pushed ordinary people past breaking.
I'm so glad there's good teaching on handling #trauma right now.
Ex: NICABM periodically runs excellent free online courses \o/
And I have this one on my radar for this winter:
i'm a fan of youtube therapist patrick teahan and his latest is a doozie: "when they take the abuser's side."
if you sucked in your breath or winced when you read the title, then you'll know what this is all about.
in my case, aside from many betrayals large & small, probably the biggest i've experienced (and continue to experience) is my mom's insistence that it is right & good to submit to narcissist dad.
she wants it for herself & she wants it for me. according to mom, i should be nice to dad and live in his fantasy world where he's a great guy and we all love and respect him. instead of the reality which is that he's such a schmuck that basically no one wants to be around him & he had to trap a woman (my mom) to have even a single person be his friend. she thinks that both of us should continue to preserve this magic experience for him where we're deferential and smile at him and do what he wants, all the way up until his death. she's signed up for that, and i am expected to do it as well.
so i guess that's kind of a life-long betrayal from my mom (who is a co-dependent, but also a narcissist in many ways).
and then there's the general narcissist betrayal from dad (where regardless of the issue, he's always right, or always has the upper hand or lesson in some way).
anyway, if you've ever met me and wondered why i have a bit of a haunted, serious vibe, that's more or less why.
Writing workshop. PWYC. Writing About Oppression
With Cicely Belle Blain | September 20, 2023
Writing about your own trauma can be powerful and relatable for readers—but difficult to do. Poet, activist, and equity consultant Cicely Belle Blain will teach you to do this while staying true to yourself.. http://rachelthompson.co/workshops #WritingWorkshop #WritingCommunity #PWYC #trauma #oppression
I’m an atheist but that doesn’t mean I don’t understand how meaningful prayer is for those who believe. The Serenity Prayer is one I still find value in, whoever you decide to address it to. Its roots are in the ancient philosophy of #Stoicism, which taught—a couple millennia ago—changing what you can and accepting what you can’t.
I guess it is time for an #Introduction! I'm a psychiatrist based in #Egypt. I worked in #addiction, #trauma rehab. I learned about #Linux in 2002 & through it met a small community of great geeks (how I met #FreeAlaa). I started blogging in 2005. #Jan25 revolution happened & I tried to witness as much as I can. I enjoy #DIY, #woodworking (built our kitchen cabinets). #Cycling, #Windsurfing, #35mm #photography & #urbansketching. #Vegetarian, I enjoy #baking & #cooking (sometimes overwhelming).
"our families often used our sensitivity to gaslight us. criticism was often really pointed & really personal." - therapist patrick teahan
this was certainly true in my family growing up. anything you've ever done in your life could be used as ammunition to remind you that you're still a little dumdum. and i was made fun of for being too sensitive. it was very much a "what's the big deal?" attitude. in fact, just recently my mom asked me why it bothers me when dad yells.... i didn't even know how to respond...
i also liked this part about the difficulty of receiving feedback: "positive feedback can feel manipulative & not really true. with negative feedback, which feels more familiar unfortunately, we can become defensive about it or take it all in."
also the parts about a mistrustful default attitude & high levels of intensity.... ha ha ha.... i may know something about those issues...
this is so cool: "I made a Diorama that changes from DAY to NIGHT!" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ymIPsXxdsPg
instead of letting this wonderful work inspire me to do something of my own, all i can think is "i better quit art now since there's no point even trying when people are that good."
then i start thinking (mistake!). i think about how i basically never let myself indulge in something creative for long enough to get to the skill level where i might make something this amazing (nevermind the fact that if i didn't already give up 1/3 of the way through a project, i will reliably give up about 2/3 of the way through the project).
i guess my issue is that i don't really ever let myself "lose significant amounts of time" to something that only pleases myself. i have too much other shit on my to-do list (that i'm also ignoring). i believe this is that executive dysfunction i've heard so much about.
for example, i'm totally stuck on even a small creative project right now...a zine.. i have some scenes, characters, and some art, but i have no idea what the words or the plot should be. i don't even know if my story makes sense (i think it might not lol. it's about ghosts and there are quips about work and jobs? why would a ghost need a job??? if you have to have a job in the afterlife, then there really is no justice either in life OR death). i'm stuck & i don't know how to proceed so i just wallow & fall into despair.
my to-do list is neverending & i hate it & neglect it & turn away from it & so the list grows and grows. then, at the end of the day, since i've barely scratched the to-do list, the cop in my head won't "allow" me to do anything "fun" (ie creative). i'll smoke & watch youtube (because the addict in me runs the show around here & it's always down for some self-destruction that will leave me feeling guilty afterwards), but i won't let myself do art. i hate it here (here = in my head). really wish i could return my brain for a new one...this one has never worked right.
Don’t allow the stress of thinking about the days ahead to steal your present peace.
One breath at a time.
One thought at a time.
One day at a time.
#SelfLove #SelfAwareness #SelfCare #YouMatter #Anxiety #Depression #Beauty #Empathy #Boundaries #HumanRights #Creativity #Coach #BlackMastodon #LifeCoach #RadicalSelfCare #Community #SelfWorth #Trauma #MentalHealth #Love #Peace #Panic #Breathe #Loneliness #Love #Voice #Purpose #Destiny #Stress #MentalHealth #Thoughts
I’ve called it a Jonestown-style self-poisoning on a global scale. Never thought I’d ever see anything like it. And there’s a #trauma inflicted by witnessing and trying to survive it.
I’ve experienced real trauma with real pain and loss, and this is not insignificant by comparison.
While the journey may be a long one, the destination—healing from trauma—is achievable.
That’s the core message from James Bay Cree residential school survivors who share their experiences of the institutions and the impact they had upon their lives.
This first volume of recovery stories provides medicine to others who were harmed by that system and offers paths to healing from it.
The Traditional Health Gathering put on by the Federation of Sovereign Indigenous Nations was hosted this year by the James Smith Cree Nation, which came to international attention a year ago Sept. 4 for unimaginable tragedy.
That day 11 people were killed in a stabbing spree by one man. The community has since leaned into traditional ceremony and Indigenous spirituality to heal.
When in France, I listened to a radio show about #ADHD where the interviewee explained ADHD was linked to #trauma, no mention at all of #neurodiversity during the 45mn interview.
I got surprised.
Here in the UK, ADHD is considered to be neurodiversity.
I am curious now!
Not that bit about trauma, bc ND and trauma are sadly often going together, but about the discrepancy of explanation. Is it doctrinal? Research based?
1 = #Universum
#DU bist 1
1 = wenn Du bedingungslos #geliebt bist.
Texas police officer holds innocent family at gunpoint after making typo while running plates
* held innocent Black family at gunpoint
* traffic stop caused by officer misreading car's license plate
* Civil rights lawyer David Henderson thinks the family was profiled, that police violated family's constitutional rights
* video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SKOMbnI1OOM
in some families, children keep the adults "young" - young at heart, willing to laugh, willing to see wonder in the world...
i think for me growing up, it was kind of the opposite. i became "old at heart" based on the ways of the adults.
it surely hurts the adults to not be influenced by childrens' open-heartedness. and you can imagine what it does to children to grow up in a dead-inside-is-default way of life.
anyway, i'm still the child in this triangle between me & my parents. so i provide the things children provide: levity, smiles, laughter, warmth.
it takes a lot of focus to maintain a fuzzy aura of open-heartedness, on top of a hard wall of "none of these peoples' foolishness is going to break my (relaxed, ambling) stride", on top of my actual softie-soft feelings on the inside.
it's sad that there are so many homes & so many families so powerfully sealed in their own reality that children grow up thinking "is this all there is?" but as kids grow up, it becomes harder & harder for the adults in the house to keep the child at home, so i think most children do eventually realize that another world is possible. especially with the internet!
anyway, i have less than a week left here. no bleak mood from my dad (a dark gray cloud that hovers around the house, moving from room to room) is going to spoil it. i still have a couple friends to see, a couple things to do, and a couple things to finish.
i can be angry, bitter, and sick of it, but i'm getting out of here lol. i am getting on that plane!
You can get this right now on kindle!
Please share this so lots of people can take advantage of this free book!
@actuallyautistic @autisticadvocacy @bookstodon #neurodivergent #addictiontreatment #trauma #addictionrecovery #autism #neurodiversity #mentalhealth #autistic #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthprofessionals #Autistic #neurodivergence #addiction #AutisticCommunity #advocate #AutisticAdvocate #author #autisticauthor #books
We really need to highlight the issues with CAMHS for Autistic children and young people. So, if you feel comfortable to do so, please share your experience of being involved with CAMHS.
still in des plaines, IL, at my folks' house. got a couple more weeks to go. it's the final stretch.
things had been pretty peaceful lately and seemed to be getting slowly and steadily more peaceful. but there was a major rupture today with full-on yelling and me sitting on the stairs like a forlorn child, once again listening to parents fighting in the kitchen (the kitchen is a big flash point for my parents, as is driving around looking for parking. both of these are common sights of familial rupture.)
i am ok. i am strong & i came into this with over a month of mental/emotional & even spiritual preparation (the spiritual part was like "cheezus, if you're out there somewhere on that great cheeseball in the sky we call the moon, give me the strength to not kill these people during the 8 weeks i have to live with them.").
so while the fight sucked in the moment & my heart is still racing, my metaphorical ship is still on course. or rather, returning to course. the course is a lazy one because these family ruptures affect me very seriously (primarily at the emotional level) so i don't have much brain energy left afterwards to focus on anything. i guess it's a kind of shellshock.
anyway, i have some art i can do without thinking too hard, so i'm just going to focus on that.
i'm also going on a major work slowdown in terms of things i do for my dad. at least until my parents can sit down and resolve the problem like f'ing adults.
my dad won't even try to sit down and talk about what happened. he says "there's no point! this is how it is! why does it affect you?" and my favorite: "tomorrow no one will remember!" i was like "that's where you're wrong my friend. maybe *you* forget, but mom & i don't."
anyway, i am definitely learning lessons! here are some of them:
* outdoors time & alone time really does help recharge my batteries
* you can be in an environment where you're well-fed, well-rested, not have to go to work, be comfortable, and that same environment can ALSO be hurting you emotionally, mentally, & even spiritually (if spirituality is an aspect of life that's important to you).
* thank you cheezus for allowing recreational cannabis purchases to be legal in the state of illinois so that people like me can go get their supply & not lose their minds.
* lev the cat (my mom's cat) is also helping me get through this, just like my childhood cat, murka, helped me get through my childhood. pets can be extremely important in situations like this. <3
There's also a weird sort of #shame that I feel, like the #Christfascists won. Their goal was to keep me from experiencing any sort of sexual or #queer liberation, to make me straight and vanilla, and they basically won. I was too stupid and pathetic to figure out I was #bisexual and #kinky before the #pandemic, when I had a chance to actually explore those identities in meaningful ways, so I might as well just be straight and vanilla. The Christfascists won.
Logically, I know that none of that is actually true and it's a #trauma response from being raised in religious fundamentalism, but it's where my mind goes in darker moments.
Trial Underway Testing Dried Plasma for Transfusions
A clinical trial is recruiting participants to assess the safety and feasibility of a system for spray drying and re-constituting a person's blood plasma.
Hey dude, I haz neurology am shut-in. I used to run an arts business volunteer board of directors do civics ride orange bike all over GrittyCity be friend glamp hard rock shows raves accordion recital thrift make love art openings sticker/flyer bomb drive fly to ‘yerp. Not no more
Fire up some #hash tags #fnd #migraine #ptsd #cpstd #functionalNeurologicDisorder #MMJ #feminist #disability #ChronicPain #ChronicFatigue #Trauma #DisabilityRights #SensoryIssues #Privacy #Hemipeligic #fibromyalgia
I just did some healing bodywork by moving/dancing to the following songs, that others might like too:
Air: Alone in Kioto
(relax, watch clouds and birds, move slightly)
(activates the mind a bit more, let the thoughts flow and the body move)
Air: Cherry Blossom girl
(continue to dance, celebrate yourself, continue flowing)
Relax and write a comment if you like 🌸
#Trauma #ActuallyAutistic #dance