#actuallyautistic

This weekend Teemill are doing their regular Free UK Shipping thingymabob. So yeah, free UK postage on any #ActuallyAutistic t-shirt from the range of over twenty #neurodiversity themed t-shirts on my shop. All designed by an #autistic person (me) for autistic people.

Starts at 9am UK time today and lasts till midnight on Sunday.

Not in the UK? Less of a bargain, but Europeans get free standard shipping with all orders over £60 (€68), and international customers on all orders over £100 ($124).

Time for a new #ActuallyAutistic t-shirt design, I think. This one's quite bold and self-explanatory - Autistic and Proud is on the shop now in "denim" blue, black or brown.

All colours to XXL, black goes to XXXXL, and all are organic cotton with plastic-free packaging.

Released today at: https://infiniteminimal.teemill.com/product/autistic-and-proud-t-shirt/

If you aren't keen on unisex (aka mens) fit and would like a womens cut, see this page and let me know: https://infiniteminimal.teemill.com/womens/

@actuallyautistic
I sent my husband one of those ven diagrams of autistic / adhd traits (he's realised he's ND but still uncertain about committing to that identity).

I mentioned the link in passing, assuming that he might have had a quick look at it.

Turns out he * made a spreadsheet * of all the traits that he resonates with, organising them according to various axis, and was wondering how to indicate the weight of each, in relation to each axis, and whether the data might be better visualised by a cloud of linked nodes.

😅

OMG I tried hard to keep a straight face but I couldn't help laughing. I mean. Sometimes the process of researching a diagnosis becomes diagnostic in itself.

More seriously, this is one of the reasons why it's not a good idea to tell somebody what you think their ND status is. Everyone has to work through this stuff themselves. If you insert yourself into that process, they have to deal with that "I told you so" aspect too.

#ActuallyAutistic

ABA is conversion therapy and autism speaks is a hate group.

i refuse to debate. #actuallyautistic

#AskingAutistics

Do you ask people questions you don't really want to know the answers to?

(Alternative motives being e.g. a) to make a point, b) to make the other person look/feel less confident or knowledgeable, c) to show how much you know about something)

#ActuallyAutistic

noise-canceling earbuds have instantly improved all of my relationships - no one's weird mouth sounds can get at me, here in my Dome of Silence.

#ActuallyAutistic #LifeHacks

For the first time, I tried to figure out the dynamics within a former relationship by formally depicting it dramaturgically, like which characters of our own selves we've been acting according to situations and moods.

It's super interesting and psychologically helping me to get rid of a simple point of view on the whole relationship. What situation did trigger which personality to rise up ? What could they be answered ? How to embrace or face those to take care of each actual person ?

I mean, if we acknowledge the diversity of our own self and the one of the others, I think we are then loving the person as a whole. Simple but true : sometimes we lose control over some archetypes that would suddenly come out of or inside our body and mind.

But we can later on assess what happened and what led to a situation that we did or don't want. So if someone behaves this way again, we can get some distance and react accordingly: "oh, i'm in this role now, which makes them get into this one, is that a situation we both want to play and have fun into or are they leading to something not cool and I should just keep that character out or for another setup?"

A method would be to :
- list the different characters of each other with their own needs and rejects
- write some situations where each other meet and what could follow next

I feel that kind of relieving to have a vision more aware of the subtleties of a relationship and the emotional schemes behind.

Well actually all this isn't any "innovative" method and I guess that's what one would spontaneously do while remembering a relation but making this exercise consciously makes it easier for me to process a long story, turning complex emotions and memories into a more understandable system.

I just shared that idea to a friend who told me it was close to some of Lacan's tools and it does sound like a psychoanalytic approach I guess. But isn't it also just what feminist/queer discussions about relations are about ? Did you already experience it formally ? Do you think it could help you ?

#psychoanalysis #relationships #psychology #actuallyAutistic or not so specific ?

One of the benefits I've noticed since getting officially diagnosed as #actuallyautistic is when people try to tell me that "wearing baggy clothes just makes you look fatter, you'd look thinner if you wore tighter/more form fitting clothing" I can just say "I'm Autistic & tight fitting clothing gives me sensory issues" (which is true) & they back off instead of trying to order me to wear clothing that makes me uncomfortable & sad.

well. this exists.

#actuallyAutistic

@neversosimple This looks impressively functional. Could I borrow this pic? It would be awesome to show in a presentation discussing sensory sensitivities. (I like to amplify voices of #ActuallyAutistic people)

Autistic people often have an interesting relationship with spare items. It's just how it goes with alot of us. Some of us gain a strong sense of security and inner peace from knowing we won’t run out of things we love any time soon, but
of course some of us also find spares pressurising and like to have only one of everything.

@actuallyautistic #actuallyautistic

How to be nice to your RSD #actuallyautistic #rsd #autisticburnout #mentalhealth #burnout

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mt8GI9bMxsI

#ActuallyAutistic #AuDHD #Neurospicy #Neurodivergent #ND

Julia's ability to educate broadly is probably the reason that my daughter had an early diagnosis and non-abusive interventions, and ultimately why I sought a diagnosis myself. She's done enormous work, and is one of those society has left behind by allowing #LongCovid to take so many people down https://autisticadvocacy.org/2023/09/a-message-from-asan-executive-director-julia-bascom
#actuallyAutistic

Sigh.

On the fediverse i pissed off most #ActuallyAutistic people....

On Bsky i pissed off the Shit Takes About Writing people.
and the Ableist Alt Text HOA people are impossible to avoid.

Fun.

So I'm carrying on me a few hundred dollars in Canadian money.

Why?

Because my father think it is such a treat to give me money in cash every time I see him.

If this happens again, I'm going to refuse the money and tell him to use Venmo or whatever. I'm getting tired of this shit. If he balks because of fees, I'm going to tell him that he can deduct the fees from what he gives me.

I never carry that much money, except when I hit the dispensary, and that's because they don't take cards.

Carrying this money around uselessly does no good for my mental health. No, I'm not worried about getting mugged, but the fact that it is there means I have to manage it. If it was instead added to my savings, then it wouldn't be something separate and special.

One time he was arguing that the money would be useful to pay for the B&B where I stayed.

:catthinking:

Yes... sure... because B&Bs all take *cash* on the day of your arrival there. Right... 🙄

#Canada #CanadianMoney #Venmo #MentalHealth #ActuallyAutistic

I deleted almost every non-business from my contacts a few months ago (without telling them). Nobody texted me first except for an old colleague who wanted me to help them with their job.

Today, an unknown number texted to ask how I was doing, saying that they haven't heard from me in a while. I told them I was properly diagnosed and now getting the right help, and how are you?

Silence. Guess I deleted your number for a reason.

@actuallyautistic #ActuallyAutistic #AuDHD

lipu pi pona mute li toki lon ante lawa lon eliki lawa

https://mun.la/lipu/toki-pona-and-autism

#tokipona #actuallyautistic

Would you like some more tools for dealing with anxiety this holiday season?

I'm revamping my very well-reviewed anti-anxiety ND-teen class for #Autistic, #AuDHD, and #ND Adults.

A 3 week course. Live with recordings.

https://www.autismchrysalis.com/anti-anxiety-practices-for-autistics/

#ActuallyAutistic #Anxiety

Justice for Elijah McClain – Trial Update for Wednesday Sept 27:

Yesterday, after a late start because of a late juror, former Aurora police Capt. Stephen Redfearn took the stand. He testified that he had changed the dispatch log from "suspicious person" to "assault on a police officer". This change was made with no investigation or corroborating evidence, such as viewing body camera footage or interviewing the responding officers.

Redfearn testified, "before this call was closed out, based upon the information that was provided to me by the sergeants, it went from a suspicious person to an assault based on the information. And so I changed it so would accurately reflect the information I had been provided". This is exactly how such misinformation becomes believed pseudo-fact, causing many to make judgments without confirmation or proof. "Procedures" like this are also a contributing factor in crimes committed by police, that are ultimately, swept away from the public eye. There are proven examples, supported by evidence in numerous cases, in which police lied to protect fellow officers or cover-up facts. The Eddie Irizarry case in Philadelphia is a prime example of this. The former Capt Redfearn, who altered the log, was the only witness to take the stand.

Wednesday's proceeding was filled with attorneys for both sides engaging in several heated "off the record" sidebar discussions. The defense took issue with late disclosures regarding certain witnesses. During the days proceedings, defense attorney Harvey Steinberg argued for a mistrial two separate times.

The trial resumed today, beginning with Attorney Steinberg asking for Roedema and Rosenblatt's trials to be severed. Once again, he requested a mistrial. The judge responded saying that, he has not seen all the evidence in the case, therefore, cannot decide on separating the trials of the two defendants. He also denied the defenses motion for a mistrial. The nurse who drew blood from Elijah McClain on August 24, Andrea Libhart, also gave her very short testimony this morning.

Click here 🧠 for Elijah's full story.

#ActuallyAutistic #BLM #DisabilityJustice #SocialJustice #NoJusticeNoPeace #StopKillingUs #ICantBreathe #InvisibleDisabilityRights #PoliceViolence #JusticeForElijahMcClain #disability

@disabilityjustice @disability @actuallyautistic

Justice for Elijah McClain – Trial Update for Wednesday Sept 27:

Yesterday, after a late start because of a late juror, former Aurora police Capt. Stephen Redfearn took the stand. He testified that he had changed the dispatch log from "suspicious person" to "assault on a police officer". This change was made with no investigation or corroborating evidence, such as viewing body camera footage or interviewing the responding officers.

Redfearn testified, "before this call was closed out, based upon the information that was provided to me by the sergeants, it went from a suspicious person to an assault based on the information. And so I changed it so would accurately reflect the information I had been provided". This is exactly how such misinformation becomes believed pseudo-fact, causing many to make judgments without confirmation or proof. "Procedures" like this are also a contributing factor in crimes committed by police, that are ultimately, swept away from the public eye. There are proven examples, supported by evidence in numerous cases, in which police lied to protect fellow officers or cover-up facts. The Eddie Irizarry case in Philadelphia is a prime example of this. The former Capt Redfearn, who altered the log, was the only witness to take the stand.

Wednesday's proceeding was filled with attorneys for both sides engaging in several heated "off the record" sidebar discussions. The defense took issue with late disclosures regarding certain witnesses. During the days proceedings, defense attorney Harvey Steinberg argued for a mistrial two separate times.

The trial resumed today, beginning with Attorney Steinberg asking for Roedema and Rosenblatt's trials to be severed. Once again, he requested a mistrial. The judge responded saying that, he has not seen all the evidence in the case, therefore, cannot decide on separating the trials of the two defendants. He also denied the defenses motion for a mistrial. The nurse who drew blood from Elijah McClain on August 24, Andrea Libhart, also gave her very short testimony this morning.

#ActuallyAutistic #BLM #DisabilityJustice #SocialJustice #NoJusticeNoPeace #StopKillingUs #ICantBreathe #InvisibleDisabilityRights #PoliceViolence #JusticeForElijahMcClain #disability

@disabilityjustice @disability @actuallyautistic

I'm doing a bonus stream tonight from 19:30 BST (UTC+1) to continue my Horizon Zero Dawn playthrough 🎮

https://www.twitch.tv/sleepycatten

It'd be cool if you want to join me, but honestly no worries or pressure :TransHeart: :NeurodiversitySymbol:

#streaming #Twitch #queer #trans #transgender #TransWoman #TransFem #LGBTQ+ #LGBTQIA+ #neurodivergent #ActuallyAutistic #ADHD #AuDHD #PCGaming #HorizonZeroDawn

Thing that I'm not sure is an #ActuallyAutistic trait or just a me trait:

I remember at school, I had a teacher bollock me for wearing something odd to school, saying how embarrassed they'd be if they'd ever felt different to anyone around them.

Later, I met the whole "you laugh because I'm different, I laugh because you're all the same" crowd.

I never understood either of them, really.

Why would someone else be part of the decisions about what clothes I put on?

I notified my bank about international travel. It was easy peasy. I did not have to *call* anyone. I thought I'd have to call, but I just went into card management in the app and set my dates, and I was done.

That's how it should always be! Don't make us have to call for routine stuff.

This might be a case of #AutisticJoy??? :catthinking: 😱

#ActuallyAutistic #phone #app

@anastomosis PS, #AskingAutistics is the hashtag to use, the #ActuallyAutistic is for those of us who actually are autistic.

Pairing one sensory experience that is pleasurable with one that is bothersome can help soothe your nervous system just enough to enable you to deal with the difficult one a bit better.

For example, something nice to smell in the noisy car. Or standing on one leg to engage muscles while brushing teeth. Or listening to rain sounds while eating.

What pairs are/might be good for you?

#AskingAutistics #ActuallyAutistic #BurnoutRecovery #Sensory #Interoception

Never thought I had a problem with flourescent or bright lighting in offices but the last few times in the new office the lights have really gotten to me.

But turns out the new office building has meeting rooms and the lights can go down quite low, and it's just so nice and accessible.

Think this will be a regular spot for me when I come to the office. 😌

#ActuallyAutistic

Very strange experience at the optometrist today. I think the middle-aged sales woman was flirting with me. I can't be sure. My ex was the last woman to hit on me and she broke up with me 12+ years ago. (well actually there was this one time a lesbian hit on me whilst I was heavily flirting with her friend - who has since been my partner for 4.5 years 😂)

I found it strange because I have been exclusively dating men since my ex. Women can be very subtle in their flirting and I had forgotten that and with my autism subtlety doesn't really work for me.

Also strange, was that I was wearing my very queer peach-coloured Freddie Mercury muscle tee that says "Yas Queen", my indigenous flag love heart badge, and the badge attached. I don't think I exactly screamed straight, or even bi...? 🤷🏼‍♂️

#actuallyAutistic #LGBTQIASB+ #HumansAreOdd

I constantly revisit past situations from my life and reflect. I don't know if that is a typical autistic habit or not.

In any event, one memory in particular led me to this realization—when seeking a psychotherapist, "I have experience with autistic patients." is not the same thing as having empathy, understanding, expertise in helping Autistics, or actually being autistic, and it probably ought to be considered a red flag.

#ActuallyAutistic

A reminder, as much for myself as it is for all of you...
Go ahead and stim. Who gives a shit if some asshat is looking at you weird over it, they're an asshat. An asshat's opinion of you is worthless anyway. Besides, if one of us sees you stimming, it'll likely help them feel more comfortable doing so.

#ActuallyAutistic

keychain prototype #1
#actuallyautistic

In two weeks I'm hosting a free workshop on Autistics energy management: figure out what’s draining your energy and what gives it back. BS free, sales-pitch free, and inclusive.

https://www.autismchrysalis.com/events/

#ActuallyAutistic #EnergyManagement #AuDHD #Autism #AutisticBurnout #Burnout

Being autistic makes me a better dog trainer. When I am using classical and operant conditioning techniques, I always make sure it is actually consentual and actually necessary. Teaching dogs to behave a certain way unnecessarily can be very stressful for them if it goes against their nature, despite positive methods used. It's the same shit people do to autistic kids, and it sucks. So, yes, we can positively teach your dog to do anything, but should we?

#ActuallyAutistic
#DogTraining

@ItsTrainingCatsAndDogs I feel this in my soul. #actuallyautistic

One feature of Mastodon that I like is the posibility of hide retoots and answers for to clear an minimize timeline. For me as #autistic is a great function because sometimes my brain can't handle an infirmation flood.

#ACtuallyAutistic

Reflections on affection. Do you also have issues understanding why it's hard to develop long term relationships?
#ActuallyAutistic #writing #memior @actuallyautistic
https://ko-fi.com/post/Reflections-on-affection-L3L1PLVLR

@actuallyautistic
@autisticme

For those of us who are late diagnosed there often comes a point as we learn more, when we look back on our lives and think one simple question, "How the fuck did I not know and how did no one else know either?"
The answer to this though can be quite complex. For starters there is an aspect of internalised ableism. We didn't look into being autistic because probably whatever understanding of autism we might have had was so negatively stereotyped that we knew it couldn't be that. Assuming of course that we had any understanding, perhaps other than something like rain man. Because certainly pre-internet there just wasn't much awareness of it at all. Not to the general public anyway. Only if your work or education brought you into contact with it were you likely to know anything and even then it may not have been very helpful. Because you could argue that even more so than now there was far more mis-information than helpful information out there and certainly not the sort of things that we could see ourselves in. The other thing that was lacking to even vaguely push us in the direction of thinking of autism was any degree of representation in media. The excellent documentary on trans representation "Disclosure.", does a really good job of highlighting how important representation in TV and film is, even to the point that even bad representation is better than no representation. And I think that this is as true for us, as it is for them. Because when there is nothing out there to push you in the right direction, then the only direction you can go in is inwards. You become the problem, the issue. Your failings, your weakness, your shame. And such feelings of course make us just mask more and hide even deeper, even from those like us who might have been out there.
Of course a lot has changed in the last few decades, not least the availability of better information on the internet. I personally would not be here without it. Because it was only what I found on there that started my journey towards self-diagnosis. There is more widespread awareness of what autism is and looks like, not perfect by any means, but a lot better than it was. To the point now where a lot of adults are diagnosed or diagnose themselves because of a child being spotting and diagnosed correctly at school or by their health care team. It is perhaps difficult to remember how much has changed and that perhaps is the final reason. We are looking back with the knowledge and understanding we have now, not with what was known then. Because with what was known then and with what we knew then the question perhaps should really be "How could I or anyone have possibly known?"

#Autism
#ActuallyAutistic
#Autisticme

When I tell other adults about me and my kids' autism diagnoses, they may think they are being nice by saying they can't tell or responding with shocked disbelief, but this response is coming from a place where being autistic is bad news. It isn't something bad that has happened to us, it is who we are. Saying a kid "isn't that bad" is implying that autism is bad, rather than different. That really fucks with our heads. Folks may or may not mean to do this, but we internalize it and try to act less autistic, less like ourselves. Respond with a vibe of interest or curiosity, or refreshingly, don't really react to it at all.

#ActuallyAutistic

Being autistic for me is that eye contact usually makes me feel like someone’s eyes are burning my retinas, but occasionally it makes me feel like gentle waves are beautifully and intimately caressing my soul. It seems to mostly depend on who I’m making eye contact with.

@actuallyautistic #autistic #actuallyautistic

@GreenRoc I regularly have “the talk” with my son, who already has a bone to pick with trigger happy cops. Please goddess let his drive for self-preservation overcome unfiltered sharing when his time in front of a gun arrives. 🙏🙏

#AutisticParenting #ParentingWhileAutistic #ActuallyAutistic #AuDHD @actuallyautistic

A friend who vlogs about solo travel noticed a sign about sensory sensitivity aboard a #Carvinal cruise ship today. Has anyone had experience with their "sensory inclusivity" program or #KultureCity?

https://help.carnival.com/app/answers/detail/a_id/6469/~/kulturecity-sensory-certified

https://www.kulturecity.org/carnival/

#neurodivergent #ActuallyAutistic #AuDHD #Autism #SensoryIssues #travel #cruising #SensoryInclusive @actuallyautistic

If you find it uncomfortable to see an #ActuallyAutistic person stimming (flapping hands, rocking, making weird body motions) then please watch the following *humorous* video of a totally NORMAL neurotypical reaction to trying to keep a very sour candy in your mouth.

https://www.tiktok.com/@reubekahvidz/video/7282398441517485345

Everyone stims, even "normal" people.
It's a self-soothing technique that becomes more exaggerated the more overstimulated the person is. We're just more easily (over)stimulated and have more need of it.

My Conditions Are Not Moral Failings

It is really hard to abandon the idea that conditions are moral failings when society at large bleats that they are.

#YourAutisticLife #ActuallyAutistic #autism #autistic #conditions #HeartAttack #PhysicalHealth #MentalHealth #doctors #MoralFailing #cholesterol #diet #exercise #society

https://open.substack.com/pub/yourautisticlife/p/my-conditions-are-not-moral-failings?r=2hhuwi&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web

@Jorsh Somerimes it’s as much about building back up the motivation to continue/complete the task. The struggle is realzand people dont generally appreciate or see it.

#ActuallyAutistic #AuDHD

From everyone's help yesterday, I made it to the grocery store to lessen the load of tomorrow's deal-chasing.

I purchased:
[x] caramel macchiato creamer
[x] 30% off bone-in skin-on chicken thighs (#Flavour)
[x] ready-to-bake cookies, which were well worth the convenience

Thanks so much to the @actuallyautistic #ActuallyAutistic #AuDHD #Disability #Mobility #Accessibility communities & kind.social for all your help 🥰

Spoons: 1/5
Cookies: 8/24

P.S. This cookie placement is YEARS in the making.

@stavvers

I hate being interrupted during a task. I'll invariably forget where the fuck I was. #ActuallyAutistic #ADD #NeuroDivergent

@actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd

Someone recently was asking for good resources to manage alexithymia and poor interoception.

Just found these on the Neurodivergent Insights site (excellent resource for ADHD and Autism information that's from an ND point of view)

What you can do about poor interoception: https://neurodivergentinsights.com/blog/poor-interoception

Identifying emotions with a feelings wheel: https://neurodivergentinsights.com/blog/the-feelings-wheel

Using the Arousal-Valence Model to Better Your Emotional Intelligence https://neurodivergentinsights.com/blog/arousal-valence-model

Autism, ADHD, and the 3 Interoception Profiles You Need to Know https://neurodivergentinsights.com/blog/autism-adhd-interoception-profiles

#ActuallyAutistic #ActuallyADHD

Shitpost idea becoming a hook for self-reflection:

ANTAB
= Assigned NeuroTypical At Birth.

Thinking about it, I still try to live up to those expectations.
I was able to embrace my nonbinary gender and let go of what I was assigned with at birth. So I should really do everything to understand my neurodivergent brain more, embrace it fully and be myself in that regard, no?

#ActuallyAutistic #AuDHD #ADHD
@actuallyautistic

Despite being #ActuallyAutistic and experiencing #CPTSD symptoms from the age of 4, I'm very grateful that there was some fight in my body that said "this isn't right" and that I had enough wisdom to listen to that instinct even though I couldn't articulate any reasons for it to exist.

So today, I'd like to thank myself for fighting, and surviving. I turn 30 in a week and a half and fucking hell, it's well-deserved.

If anybody wants to celebrate with me, I am open to (virtual) ideas ✌️

@Tooden @ahrimans_erbe @pathfinder @actuallyautistic i know.

THIS is why i try to make absolutely crystal clear im talking about stuff that ONLY is based on myself if its a subjective experience rather than a general statement of logic or ethics.
The #ActuallyAutistic community really could do with taking a page from the trans community book on how to handle personal experience and value judging.

@ahrimans_erbe @actuallyautistic I'm not sure that they're masking per se as it would apply to an autistic population, but what this #ActuallyAutistic person has learned in psychology is that a lot of what NT people do is based on making themselves look better compared to their peers or other social groups. So there's a huge jostling for position that IMO NT people don't do to that extent, possibly b/c our energy is spent trying to mask?

Y'all are probably very aware of how messed up the #medical system is, here's a piece on my experience with it over the past week. #ActuallyAutistic @actuallyautistic #memoir
https://ko-fi.com/post/Asking-for-help-G2G2PKQCC

@fizzlesticks

I'd say stay on here and follow #actuallyautistic and perhaps @actuallyautistic
Whether you participate or just lurk, you can see if what people are saying resonates.

I find that helps more than any book.

For those who've been there, what should I do if the realization is dawning on me that I might be #ActuallyAutistic?

What I'm already doing: reading books on it and talking about it in therapy.

Dear gawd, this would explain so much!

Me: WOW, Shape of My Heart by Backstreet Boys is about autistic masking?!

*looks up the lyrics*

Nope, it's probably about him cheating. You've been singing all the wrong lyrics for 23 years but you did it with conviction and that's what matters.

@actuallyautistic #ActuallyAutistic #AuDHD