Actually, I am just now thinking about how I struggled to enjoy playing D&D #DnD when I tried it on Roll20 a few times, and how this is likely due to issues I have with improvisation in social groups, interpretation and performance of norms, etc.
I always felt like I would enjoy DMing more than playing, in engineering the scenarios and plots and encounters, but never had the drive to DM terribly for some people. I am curious how other #Audhd and #ActuallyAutistic folks have experienced D&D.
Basically all of my frustrations right now are due to allistic behaviors and "values".
My frustration, my exhaustion, my problems.
Because allistics don't care to understand.
Because they don't want to accept that different ideas can have value, can make things better for everyone.
Because they think that my skills can be measured in ways that I make no sense to me. Allistics ask me questions about specifics of a programming language (that I haven't needed to have memorized in 20 years of professional development).
They think that it is more important to build apps according to the latest "best practices" than to make sure it fits the requirements.
And they think I must be a bad programmer if I don't perfectly parrot allistic views when I add my own values to theirs, push for quality beyond mediocrity and doing things like everyone else.
Allistics make me want to scream endlessly!!!
@KatyElphinstone I try to report to key folks, esp mgr and family, when I’m not 100%. I do it mostly so they can make sense of my being off, and partly to remind me to vigilant about not allowing myself to go unchecked, to be mindful and perhaps give myself a wider berth from others in the meantime.
The horrible things we as disabled people are pushed through "because we're *able to*" do them, is incredibly concerning.
It so often pushes us into survival mode, where getting through *the thing* is our only focus, and it DEEPLY damages our health and wellbeing in the process.
We deserve the accommodations we need to actually live, not just survive, and as far as possible, thrive and be happy.
Dexter the cat tripped me up this morning. My knees took the brunt of it, and I have bursitis, so it really fucking hurt 😩
#IDoNotNeedThis #Pain #IAmVerySore #Fibromyalgia #Fibro ##ChronicFatigue #CFS #CFSME #Diabetic #IBS #OveractiveBladder #Anxiety #Depression #Anxious #Depressed #Agoraphobia #Autistic #ADHD #AuDHD
I'm #AuDHD so my laundry piles are almost always chaotic piles of clean & unclean but my creative art supplies are neatly organized & my books are all in alphabetical order.
Here's a few of my thoughts on, getting free from mistakes: art lessons 1
Unfortunately, due to being ill with a sore throat, today's scheduled Subnautica stream on Twitch has been cancelled 😞
Just to give you an idea of how knacked my voice is, I've uploaded a short voice clip :PleadingFace:
The #AuDHD feature I wish my music player had is "pause when this song is over".
Most of the time it doesn’t bother me, that I don’t have any friends that I see irl, or another adult to share things with. I can’t be disappointed, or let down.
But times like this, I can’t stop thinking about it, and how it could be different. And it’s getting more frequent, the harder things get for me.
These awful pattens and cycles. I really enjoy connecting with guys, and engaging with community around my interests. But there are times when I feel a connection, we’re interested, and life happens and things don’t connect when I’m in that zone. Then I’m discouraged, get into low energy, or otherwise not in the people zone. So then the urge to connect ceases.
This is confusing for them and frustrating fur everyone. If it goes on too long they might feel jerked around or I get to the point that the interest is lost and I wander away (figuratively) or even just block them, mostly to avoid perpetuating the cycle of interest but not actually connecting.
Does anyone else experience this? Is there something I could be doing differently to avoid this cycle? Or is ut just enmeshed in the neurodivergent experience? I’m honestly curious if this can be improved…
Since my very recent diagnosis of #AuDHD , I've been trying to notice more often how much effort I put into contorting my face into a "happy allistic person" face all the time. It's insane, and a trap-- if I try to relax it, people think I'm suddenly in a bad mood and not a team player. 🥴
for the love of your own life, if you haven't had a checkup of any kind, get yourself to a non-profit clinic or get yourself on #Medicaid. there's no shame in using the public services that should be provided by our government to ensure our right to health care.
do not suck it up. get #Medicaid, get help in taking care of yourself.
and as a #AuDHD, yes, i know it's so fucking hard because of the stigma. am still learning to ask help. the important thing is, am taking care of myself
People who you have told repeatedly that you do not like being the centre of attention, yet place you there socially anyway.
People who are loud and don't listen who then complain that you just weren't speaking loud enough, and that's why we are where we are.
People who try to push you around when they mistake quietness for meekness.
People who force themselves beyond their comfort zone socially, and expect you to do the same.
Hello! I'm waiting for my period! Welcome to my PMT Wheely phone time! 🤸
#perimenopause #audhd #actuallyautistic
I was in a weird null space this past weekend. I knew I had things I wanted to get to but just had literally no drive to do much. I did manage a few things but these were in the evening.
Sometimes I think my pattern is that I’m more productive when there are literally no people around that I know of. It’s not that they’re talking to me, but the very prospect of having to expend energy interacting with or avoiding them switches my drive off.
so, I've made a #kofi intro video to tell a bit about myself and the things I do. I've recorded with the wrong dimensions, but oh well. please check it out, and if you can support me (ask for a commission, or even sharing is always good, and sharing is free!). thank you 🥰
and here's my ko-fi page:
5. then use all that to gradually begin a new way of being in the world that's unapologetically you,
6. learn healthier relationship dynamics to build a few key relationships
7. with people who will come into your life in the course of all this
8. shaping your life for better.
"Autistic, heavily traumatized, and incredibly isolated. Got any advice?" Got this question recently. It could be asked by a lot of us.
So here's my thoughts.
1. heal trauma with a good therapist,
2. reteach nervous system to respond to cues of safety (not just danger),
3. radically accept autism as who you are,
4. radically accept yourself,
When services fail to make themselves accessible or helpful to minority groups, they have failed completely.
I think about mental health services in particular, both CAMHS and adult services, that constantly fail to support neurodivergent people.
Unfortunately, knowing that you shouldn’t feel guilty - for being yourself, for not being enough, for being too much, for being afraid to try, for failing when tried, for not keeping up to societal standards and stereotypes, for needing someone, for not needing someone, for the way you are and all the ways you can’t be - doesn’t make you stop feeling the guilt. Is the guilt just ingrained in all #autistic #ADHD #AuDHD and other #neurodivergent folks or is it just a basis of our society?
Here's a few of my thoughts on, what’s next after adult autism identification?
going live to play #Pikmin3Deluxe (from 4:15 to 7:30 PM EST)!
jumping back into yesterday's mission:
 Battle Enemies Stage 10: Formidable Oak PB (Platinum Medal)
#VTuber #EnVTuber #VTuberEn #Twitch #TwitchStreamer #VTuberUprising #MelodyWisp #VStreamer #TwitchAffiliate #SmallStreamer #SmallStreamers #Gaming #AuDHD #ADHD #Autistic #Queer #Disabled #Pikmin #Pikmin3 #Pikmin3Deluxe #YouTubeStream #Livestream
My wife and I are planning to continue our playthrough of Smalland: Survive The Wilds probably around 19:45 to 20:00 UTC on my Twitch channel 🎮
We've both been slightly delayed by naps, dinner, and vexatious fudge 😅
@benni I can only comment on how it’s been for my son. It had zero effect on his Autism. What it accomplished was getting attention and inhibition issues out of his way so that he could access efforts to help him build coping skills to help him work with his Autism.
I have a new project at work that I am really excited to tackle. It has lots of neat requirements and fun moving parts to construct.
My boss wants me to do a full write up of the problem and my proposed solutions, with diagrams and descriptions that I can present to the team to get consensus.
I no longer want to work on the project.
Straight up: I’m a slut, submissive, service slave. I like being reminded of my place as a faggot. Indeed I revel in it. I am Autistic and have ADHD. All that said, there is this nuance between degradation and still being respected.
So I’m having this increasingly excited conversation. With a man I’d really like to be abused by in the very best ways. And then I get “oh so you’re autistic and retarded?”
Full. Stop. Buzkill. 🛑😡
I instantly blocked him. Right or wrong it took me to a very bad place. I might tolerate it once there was an understanding and trust but not right at the start. Sigh.
I’m not sure what’s up with me recently. Lots of close calls with guys who profess wanting to play but either fall off or signal warning flags.
I think I’d be happier being at a bath house or orgy and just let things happen organically and perhaps with less chatter. Online has been dissatisfying.
Or perhaps my #AuDHD is triggering and I just need to have a dom tie me up and start a party. 😈
Tonight's Subnautica stream will be slightly delayed, starting around 20:00 UTC, due to a mixture of:
* Me taking a while to get up after a nap.
* Eating dinner (and maybe more rice pudding).
* Being bad at time management 😅
Seriously, though, some of us have neurodevelopmental disabilities and need clear signage, and some of us are physically disabled and walk slowly and painfully, and this disabled person right here wouldn't even have tried to get there if the distance had been obvious from the beginning.
(This disabled person right here is also taking her business elsewhere.)
Not sure if it’s a part of #autisticMasking , #ExecutiveDisfunction , #AuDHD thing or just my own quirk, but the thing is, I can’t answer questions related to ‘would you rather’, ‘are you this or that’, ‘do you often feel…’ and so on if I want to be honest - because I can’t decide, because it depends on how you define this or that, or how you view it, or if you count that specific case and so on…
@ose_rouge Ich bin stolz, ein #Freak zu sein. Mir ist mein Leben lang scheißegal, was die Menschen von mir denken; als #AuDHD Einzelkind und antiautoritär erzogen war mir, als ich im Kindergarten plötzlich unter fremden Menschen meines Alters war, schnell klar, daß ich ein Freak bin, ein schlecht als Mensch verkleidetes Feenkind oder so etwas. Meine Eltern haben mich nie gezwungen, so zu tun, als sei ich "normal", und fremde Erwachsene waren ständig erstaunt, wie klug ich sei, und unter Gleichaltrigen war ich plötzlich der komische Außenseiter, Zielscheibe der Aggression oder gruseliges Etwas, mit dem man nicht spielen wollte, weil merkwürdig.
Ich habe mich dann meist in die Ecke gesetzt, Roboter aus Fischer-Technik und Außenposten auf fremden Planeten aus Lego gebaut, Sandburgen im draußen im Sandkasten, oder ich bin einfach ganz alleine über die Palisaden am Rande des Kindergartengeländes an der Grenze zur Wiese des katholischen Gemeindezentrums geklettert, die wir mitbenutzen konnten, wo aber nie jemand außer mir war. Ich konnte dort in aller Ruhe nachdenken und Pflanzen und Insekten beobachten. Immer hin und her zwischen mitten ins Getümmel und die anderen Kinder so gut es geht entweder ignorieren oder zu meinen Assistenten machen. Malen, stundenlang, bis irgendwann plötzlich irgendein Mädchen mich als Vater rekrutieren und in die Puppenstube abschleppen will. Schnellstmöglich Rückzug in die Bauklotzecke, Roboter bauen.
Ich habe nie wirklich gelernt, so zu tun, als sei ich normal. Als Teenager habe ich einfach beschlossen, den Versuch endlich aufzugeben und so bekloppt zu sein, wie ich halt bin. Mir war allerdings auch durch meine systematischen Beobachtungen der Menschheit sehr schnell klargeworden, daß Menschen alle zusammen ziemlich bekloppt sind, die "Normalen" merken das nur nicht, weil in einer gemeinsamen Kultur sozialisierte Neurotypen alle auf die gleiche Art bekloppt sind. Das war dann bei mir ein Fall von: "Ihr lacht, weil ich anders bin. Ich lache, weil ihr alle gleich seid."
Keiner von den Leuten aus meinem engeren Freundeskreis ist komplett neurotypisch, mit Neurotypen komme ich nicht wirklich klar gut klar, und die vor allen Dingen noch weniger als ich. Die NTs verstehen die Fehler nicht, welche ich baue, und warum ich die baue (weil ich hyperaktiv bin, den Überblick schnell verliere und mich an nutzlosen, aber faszinierenden Details festbeiße); ich verstehe zwar, warum die ihre Fehler bauen, aber der Versuch, ihnen ihre Fehler zu erklären, wird von denen ständig als Angriff auf ihre Person und ihre Position verstanden (oder als linksradikale Propaganda) anstatt als Angebot, etwas dazuzulernen.
Angesichts des blödsinnigen Rudelverhaltens der Massen, die einfach das machen, was man halt gerade so macht, kann ich einfach nur stolz darauf sein, ein Freak zu sein und das zu tun, was man für richtig hält, weil man selbst zu einem Urteil aufgrund verfügbarer Informationen gekommen ist, anstatt sich einfach dem anzuschließen, was die Mehrheit zu tun beschlossen hat. Ich brauche keine Maskenpflicht, um auf die Idee zu kommen, mir eine Maske aufzusetzen, ich bin schon damals, als vor der Schweinegrippe gewarnt wurde, mit Maske zum Japantag in Düsseldorf gefahren und habe die Maske nur zum Essen und Trinken abgesetzt, wenn ich gerade viel freie Luft und wenige Menschen im näheren Umkreis hatte. Ich hatte schon lange auf dem Schirm, daß sowas wie 1919 irgendwann wieder passiert.
If you contact someone asking for mutual aid to ask why they're disabled or why they're not on disability, you're not doing it to make sure you're giving money to "the most in need".
If that were the case you'd be out there donating time and energy to grass roots orgs. You haven't even googled charities to donate to.
What you're doing is policing how people perform poverty and disability.
If you don't want to give, don't. Just shut up and move on.
Stop pretending like you're doing something.
@bitfliq @mattblaze @wendynather If that poll receives as many votes as it deserves, in the remaining 17 hours, it would resemble the first thought I had upon reading this thread -- which echos my own thoughts about marketing surveys, and perhaps marketing in general.
Behavior is communication.
Disabled people are treated like our bodies, our stories, are public property - especially so for those of us who are Aboriginal, who are Black, or People of Colour, who are trans or queer, or read as women.
Consider that if someone with a disability is posting their mutual aid links, either give/share/support or just move on.
Don't message us asking why we're disabled or why we're not on disability support pensions - that's nunya. NUNYA.
#audhd #autism #adhd #disability #neurodiverse #MentalHealth #Anxiety #MentalIllness #ocd #PTSD #agoraphobia #cptsd #fibromyalgia #ChronicPain #ChronicIllness #Medical #Aboriginal #Indigenous #MutualAid #anarchism
Heres my #introduction
Huge into #art and expressing creativity of all kinds, hoping to do more so myself.
Other interests are linked on my profile if I sound interesting feel free to follow, would love to talk to more cool folks here :dragnhappy:
Oh and boost are greatly appreciated
So I matched with someone on #KinkD.
He is a subby #trans boy. (Subby is important to me. I'm a Dom for crying out loud.)
Sometimes people have a conniption with "boy." He's younger than I am, but still an adult. I'd even call people in their early 40s boys and girls.
Found myself organizing the wick of my table candle after blowing it out, as one does.
It has to first of all be left as straight as possible so the candle burns as evenly as possible. Second the candle itself has to be evened out, so it doesn't become hollow and result in a lot of waste and look ugly. I have burnt my fingers many times doing this.
Been doing this and a lot of similar things always. I even organize my burgers. And nobody around me ever thought I might be #audhd.
Last week my therapist started with an autism diagnosis interview and we only did a few questions and will continue the next session (in a week), but those questions keep going through my head. Especially the ones that ask if "friends or family" told me this or that about my behavior. No, they didn't. My famiy turns out to have a majority of neurodivergence, to them I was sort of normal and while they definitely did "correct" my behavior to be more neurotypical it definitely wasn't the things and in the way those questions asked for. And friends? Peers in school and work who weren't comfortable with all my quirks and traits never became friends! So also "No". So I aswered those questions accordingly and it is so clear that so far I don't appear to be autistic. I hate it and I'll ask the therapist to go over those questions again and examine why it specifically talks about "friends & family" and what that means in my case.
Question: How do you feel about the comparison of having an autistic brain to running a computer with a different OS?
To me personally it feels more like having a different CPU architecture. Like ARM vs. x86. You can run Android on an x86 processor and Windows on an ARM, but it's quite inefficient. The whole thing was not built with that CPU architecture in mind and many programs will have to go through translation routines or compatibility layers to function.
And I guess that's how lifer often feels to me, having to do things in ways that weren't made for me, being expected to behave differently to what felt natural to me, masking and adapting myself, having to know how "normal" people think and behave. Yet I sometimes feel like the differences are as fundamental as the differences between storing numbers big endian vs. small endian.
I don't know, just some thoughts that have been living in my mind for months and I wanted to share them.
Planners, lists, and tools for #AuDHD humans may actually make our anxiety worse when we don't follow thru.
They can also be life changing.
Everyone is different.
In either case, one FIRST needs to give themselves grace and accept and appreciate the fact that we don't need to and cannot do everything, all the time.
Here's a (work-in-progress) strategy tool for those who struggle with perfectionism (or constantly trying to do your absolute best with everything):
Think about what school grade you need on something you want or should or must do. This is a tool that is supposed to help with figuring out what "good enough" means for any given task and what you want to go for. (This can reduce your stress levels and help with executive dysfunction.)
Example: When you clean your desk, do you go for an A or would a C or D suffice? Maybe you can think of tasks where an E is the "good enough" you should go for. (You need to adjust this and use the grading system you internalized.)
As with all strategies, it won't be useful for everyone, so don't just assume that this will work great for you.
Feedback wanted. Boosts and (or reposts to other platforms) also very welcome.
New #Introduction posts since the others were getting stale!
My name is david, and everyone knows that I’m a dog on the internet :bowie: That said, I don’t define my whole existence around being a #furry, but I also like the community and friends that I have made there :bowie_blush:
For personal identity things, I’m a mixed-race #latine currently residing in Florida in the US. I am queer, and currently use the labels #agender, polyamorous, and pansexual. I am mid-thirties and use they/them pronouns and do not capitalize my name. I am neurodivergent #AuDHD.
:v_agender: :v_pan: :v_trans: :verifiedpolyam_tricolor:
I am a web developer, and mainly focus professionally on #WordPress maintenance, and personally on #OpenSource projects that I can share with others. I make simple or fun projects to share and teach others with. I am getting back to making tutorials to share on my personal sites. I’ve also started vlogging about this along with my weekly newsletter! Links in bio
I finally went back to coding today, and turns out my therapist was right in their suggestion that this might be the active rest I need. I’m good-humouredly grumbling a bit because it’s almost offensive how well they understand how I work after just a few sessions.
The fact that she went from me saying “friends of mine craft to relax but that’s not really my thing” to “how about you try coding” immediately! 🧐 Sir, what right do you have to read me like that?
When I'm in the throws of autistic burnout, I feel like I've got less processing threads available. I can feel myself manually performing each step of drying my hands, walking myself to the sink to get water. The only way I have any capacity to think, is to live in my noise cancelling headphones as today I am in a shared space. And I need above all to be kind to myself, because today I will just get the basics done, and that has to be enough. The least I can do is not shame myself, for not meeting someone else's standards.