I have had many fights, fights and confrontations in my life. Sometimes for work and other times for personal reasons. But without a doubt the most exhausting and destructive war and struggle has been against depression and illness. It usually happens that people who have just met me perceive me as somewhat tough or aggressive or tough, I don't know. And I surely am. But if it weren't for that, I wouldn't have survived so many illnesses and the major depression that took me almost ten years to get out of, only to discover that I wasn't crazy but that I was autistic, bipolar, intelligent. Then all the internal struggles fell away, all those wars and chimeras, the war with myself.
The physical consequences, in the form of clinical illnesses, of a life as hectic as a roller coaster and the consequent mental collapse were the end of one life and the beginning of another. Sometimes I have wondered why I still talk about those things and recently I realized that I do it like someone who looks at their scars and shows them as trophies or decorations, as a memory of having survived a war, adversity or many things. . It's like saying "I'm here despite everything and thanks to what a bastard I am."
Most of the time I regret talking about my battles because I feel like an idiot, like the grandfather who always repeats his story. And I think that is indeed the case. I'm close to giving up digital social life because I don't find much value in it anymore, except for a very few people from whom I learn interesting things.
Overconfident gloating femboy!
Can you tell I have the narcissism trait? o.o
#Confidence #Gloating #Pose #SFW #Skirt #Bed #Plushy #Femboy #Shaved #Smooth #Cute #Athletic #LongHair #LGBTQ #Trans #Gay #eGirl #eBoy #Sissy #Muscle #Silly #Comfy #Pale #PaleSkin #Trap #NeuroDivergent #CropTop #Masked #Twink #Feminine #Blushing #CrossDresser #Kawaii #RoseBoy #NonBinary #Autistic #Anime #Fishnets #MTF #Fashion #Socks #Pride #Fang
When services fail to make themselves accessible or helpful to minority groups, they have failed completely.
I think about mental health services in particular, both CAMHS and adult services, that constantly fail to support neurodivergent people.
It must be easier to get access to diagnostics. This happenes because we do not find the support we need and deserve:
"A significant number of people who died by suicide were likely #autistic but undiagnosed, according to new research that highlights the urgent need for earlier diagnosis and tailored support for suicide prevention."
Unfortunately, knowing that you shouldn’t feel guilty - for being yourself, for not being enough, for being too much, for being afraid to try, for failing when tried, for not keeping up to societal standards and stereotypes, for needing someone, for not needing someone, for the way you are and all the ways you can’t be - doesn’t make you stop feeling the guilt. Is the guilt just ingrained in all #autistic #ADHD #AuDHD and other #neurodivergent folks or is it just a basis of our society?
The alluring presence of a femboy
Okay but why is my calf muscle so crazy right now!
#Pose #Presence #Calf #Scarf #SFW #Skirt #Bed #Plushy #Femboy #Shaved #Smooth #Cute #Athletic #LongHair #LGBTQ #Trans #Gay #eGirl #eBoy #Sissy #Muscle #Silly #Comfy #Pale #MTF #PaleSkin #NeuroDivergent #Anime #Autistic #Masked #Pride #Fashion #RoseBoy #CropTop #NonBinary #CrossDresser #Twink #BellyButton #Tummy #Fang #Blushing #Feminine #Trap #Kawaii
going live to play #Pikmin3Deluxe (from 4:15 to 7:30 PM EST)!
jumping back into yesterday's mission:
 Battle Enemies Stage 10: Formidable Oak PB (Platinum Medal)
#VTuber #EnVTuber #VTuberEn #Twitch #TwitchStreamer #VTuberUprising #MelodyWisp #VStreamer #TwitchAffiliate #SmallStreamer #SmallStreamers #Gaming #AuDHD #ADHD #Autistic #Queer #Disabled #Pikmin #Pikmin3 #Pikmin3Deluxe #YouTubeStream #Livestream
I hate waiting. Just waiting, without being able to somehow influence the result. Yet, my whole life I am waiting for something. When I was a kid, I couldn’t wait to grow up, as I desperately wanted more agency. But the waiting didn’t stop there. Sometimes I don’t know what exactly I am waiting for, it just feels like ‘hold on, the change is around the corner, just wait for it.’ And I hold on. Is it something common for #autistic , #ADHD or #neurodivergent people or just my own thing?
Good morning @actuallyautistic
Please #nospoilers but feel free to lmk if you watched it and if you liked it or not and why.
That said I‘m incredibly happy that content about us gets out there because peeps still think we cant talk of something.
Femboy palm strike!
Yeah to be honest I have no idea what I am doing here, butt (hehe) like, it's sorta cool, right?
#Strike #Attack #Palm #SFW #Skirt #Bed #Plushy #Femboy #Shaved #Smooth #Cute #Athletic #LongHair #LGBTQ #Trans #Gay #eGirl #eBoy #Sissy #Muscle #Silly #Comfy #Pale #Foot #barefoot #Masked #Fang #Autistic #Feminine #Tummy #RoseBoy #Twink #Kawaii #Fishnets #Fashion #MTF #CrossDresser #NonBinary #Trap #Blushing #CropTop #Pride #Anime #PaleSkin #NeuroDivergent
It is said that autistic people usually have a special topic or area of interest, sometimes science or collecting information about specific things. When I got to that part of the diagnosis it was not easy to establish what my special interest was because I actually have several, or should I say many. The explanation was the double exceptionality, which raises curiosity to everything that catches my attention.
I could say that my main interest is science in general, from physics to biology, but also philosophy and the arts such as literature and music.
There has not been a stage in my life, nor will there ever be one, in which I am not immersed in studying or researching something, just for the pure pleasure of understanding, knowing. Possibly that is what has always given me the most enjoyment. I could be stuck at home for months (during the pandemic I was) with only books, a few devices, an internet connection and I wouldn't notice if the world was collapsing. I can also spend long hours meditating and writing.
Of course I have a family life, although I am not one to cultivate friendships. Animals and small children put me in "child mode" and I am one of them when given the opportunity to play and do mischief. Possibly it is not that I'm antisocial, but rather that this fascination with learning requires high doses of solitude and silence, of social disconnection.
Some people think I have problems, but deep down I don't feel that way. The "problems" arise when I am forced to socialize more than I would like or can tolerate, taking away the time I would gladly spend reading, programming, hacking, writing or playing the guitar.
Obviously, I learned to balance that in order to work and live. I can interact minimally with clients, patients and students, but surely on the other side of the scale I will find long spaces of silence and solitude to regulate myself and enjoy what I like.
Today is a new day to know that you are loved. 💚
Today is a new day to know that you are strong. 💪
Today is a new day to know that you are wanted. 🧡
Today is a new day to get up and try again. 🌈
Never give up. You are important.
Femboy zombie pose
What would you do if, hypothetically speaking, I was allowed near your brain casing?
#Zombie #Pose #SFW #Skirt #Bed #Plushy #Femboy #Shaved #Smooth #Cute #Athletic #LongHair #LGBTQ #Trans #Gay #eGirl #eBoy #Sissy #Muscle #Silly #Comfy #Pale #MTF #Kawaii #Trap #Autistic #RoseBoy #PaleSkin #CropTop #NonBinary #Pride #NeuroDivergent #Blushing #Socks #Fashion #Fang #Choker #Masked #Feminine #CrossDresser #Anime #Twink #ThighHighs
Guess I'll find out why that's supposed to be better, if I can get this chip off my shoulder long enough to learn.
that #autistic feeling of understanding a thing so deeply that you can't explain it to anyone
The cohesion in the Metality family is incomparable! We tackle things together and they turn out great.
Thanks to everyone for this wonderful story:
This is Hannah. She is a #Metal fan and #Metality member, a creative woman with dreams, she wants to become a goldsmith. She has struggled with #depression and #anxiety for years. Hanna is #autistic and has #Aspergers syndrome. What is easy for many people, presents hurdles, especially in her everyday life.
I love the smell of fresh paper when opening a new book, and especially excited to see my images and words on paper inside my complimentary author copy of "Design for #Inclusivity", the proceedings of #UIA2023 World Congress of #Architects.
An #OpenAccess preprint of my chapter "The Power of an #Autistic Lens: Visualising Activity in Shared #PublicSpace" is still available, with my presentation slides, at https://wordpress.stuartneilson.com/the-power-of-an-autistic-lens-visualising-activity-in-shared-public-space
Gloves are just the socks for hands...
#Contemplation #Pose #Thinking #SFW #Skirt #Bed #Plushy #Femboy #Shaved #Smooth #Cute #Athletic #LongHair #LGBTQ #Trans #Gay #eGirl #eBoy #Sissy #Muscle #Silly #Comfy #Pale #Tummy #MTF #CropTop #Twink #Autistic #Socks #ThighHighs #Pride #BellyButton #NonBinary #Anime #Feminine #Blushing #Fang #PaleSkin #RoseBoy #Fashion #Fishnets #CrossDresser #Masked #Trap #Choker #NeuroDivergent #Kawaii
How do we get someone like Rebecca Watson to debunk #ABA and expose the billion dollar industry based on junk science psychology that abuses #autistic kids until they conform to neurotypical social norms at the cost of their own mental health and well-being?
ABA tldr: ABA is #AppliedBehaviorAnalysis and is gay conversion therapy for #autism. That's not just a metaphor - they are the very same thing used for different socially unacceptable "conditions". Both ABA and conversion therapy were created by the same person, Ivar Lovass, and use the same methods. Those training methods are so terrible they are literally not legal to use on dogs, and conversion therapy itself is illegal in many countries and US states. If any reasonable standards were applied, ABA would also be illegal.
I have tried to get journalists of all stripes interested in doing an ABA exposé, but even the ones who get interested never seem to be able to make it a priority. It's easy to deprioritize ABA reporting when there's no market for it, and even stories about routine physical abuse and electric shock torture of autistic kids at #JudgeRotenbergCenter don't break through, so I get why journalists don't bother. But we desperately need reporting on ABA that debunks the current mythology that it is helpful and justifies it being the only therapy for autistic kids that medical insurance will cover.
An ABA exposé segment by John Oliver could change everything, but he'll never do it because he's buddies with Jon Stewart who is a supporter of ABA and raises millions of dollars for ABA promoters like AutismSpeaks. (Surprise, Jon Stewart has an autistic son. It's often the autism parents who drink the ABA kool-aid because it lets them get their kids under control, and they don't know any better. Which is why we need reporting on it.)
We have four months until April, the dreaded Autism Awareness Month. Wouldn't it be nice if next year the month was about banning ABA instead of raising money for it? Anyone know anyone with a platform who is up for helping millions of autistic kids avoid a childhood of medically-approved abuse?
Sometimes, many times, I have felt like a kind of Gulliver in Lilliput. I know that talking about high intellectual abilities makes one be considered arrogant, but in reality it is not. There is a tendency to believe that people who have one deficiency, or several, are disabled or limited and need help.
But if you have a high IQ, if wherever you go you have been given dozens of tests and they all confirm that you are a brain monster, then it is assumed that you have no problem, that your intelligence is more than enough to live in this world. And it surely is so. But when one has other concomitant conditions, everything changes. That is double exceptionality, a genius who does not seem like it because he is autistic. And an autistic who doesn't look like it because he is very intelligent.
And do you know what it feels like on this side? Frustration and desire for isolation. It becomes difficult to relate to someone. And I don't need people to be especially intelligent, in fact many of my friends and loved ones have been almost illiterate.
For such a person, solitude and anonymity are more comfortable than a life of relationship.
Average #autistic adults are usually better, more careful drivers. Australia:
Dax: "You know, Worf, in the end, living on the Defiant isn't going to change anything. You're still going to have to get used to life on the station."
Worf: "I'm not sure I agree. "
Dax: "Sooner or later you're going to have to adapt."
Worf: "Perhaps in the end, it will be all of you that has to adapt to me."
I didn't know Worf is #autistic :D
A snippet (and thus a #SPOILER):
*The woman started to communicate through Korean #SignLanguage unexpectedly.*
Man monologue: I always thought I was the one who should make an effort to live in harmony with others. Because in this world, there are a lot more people who can hear than those who cannot.
But out of all those people, someone came to me and said "he" first. She said she was glad to see me again. And after saying what she prepared to say, she smiled. As if she was saying, "I'm just saying hi. Stop thinking too much."
And she was smiling.
As an #Autistic person, that struck hard. We always make the effort "to live in harmony with others". Why? "Because in this world, there are a lot more people who" are neurotypical "than those who" are neuroatypical.
Like the deaf character in this show, we also rarely see non-Autistic who will say hi to us before we do.
How femboys want to be treated.
WE WANT H E A D P A T S! NOW NOW NOW!~!~!~!~
#Headpat #SFW #Skirt #Bed #Plushy #Femboy #Shaved #Smooth #Cute #Athletic #LongHair #LGBTQ #Trans #Gay #eGirl #eBoy #Sissy #Muscle #Silly #Comfy #Pale #feet #barefoot #Fang #CropTop #Autistic #CrossDresser #Fishnets #Trap #Anime #Feminine #BellyButton #Tummy #RoseBoy #Kawaii #Pride #NeuroDivergent #Blushing #PaleSkin #Fashion #NonBinary #MTF #Twink #Masked
Heck yah that PCs For People sale I boosted? We managed to snag one for FePho! It'll replace their old ass netbook they've been using 😅
One of our friends loaned us the funds, so we need to fundraise to pay them back
51% of $195 goal!
This computer is for their #autistic need for games, homeskool needs, and creative writing and arting needs
Time for an updated #introduction post
#polyamorous - wielding
#asexual - grey, my horny cannot be quelled by mortals
#ActuallyAutistic people experience empathy, and some of us experience it much more intensely than non-autistic people.
“My world is a place where people are too beautiful and too terrible to look at, where their mouths speak words that sometimes fall silent on my ears, while their hearts break audibly.”
“For people with autism, what we’re anxious about is that we’re causing trouble for the rest of you, or even getting on your nerves. This is why it’s hard for us to stay around other people. This is why we often end up being left on our own.”
"When I feel compassion, love, pain, and hurt for myself or others, either I am not feeling it very much or I am feeling it very intensely.”
Quotes of autistic folks, from an article by a speech and language pathologist, who resisted acknowledging her son's autism because of myths she'd heard about how #autistic people behave. She presents excellent strategies for non-autistic people to help the world become an autistic-tolerant place!
Tweet: Autism Awareness Aus @AutismAwareAus
In the years after school, many young people want a more independent lifestyle and are keen to give living independently a try. This includes #autistic young people, who might just require some additional support to achieve this major milestone 👇 #autism
I tried it on my own several times and I have faith I'll be able to do it by myself in the future, Insha Allah.
Very important, because my apartment is truly uninhabitable without gas heat in the winter. Electric doesn't begin to cut it. And I don't have the usual partner or family member who can help me out, nor will I.
I honestly think most #Allistic people follow others' lead in word and behavior in such an unconscious fashion that they genuinely can't describe many of the details of what they do.
It's only those who can explain tacit knowledge about physical tasks who can get it across to us autistic folks. Thank God I found one of those.
So I matched with someone on #KinkD.
He is a subby #trans boy. (Subby is important to me. I'm a Dom for crying out loud.)
Sometimes people have a conniption with "boy." He's younger than I am, but still an adult. I'd even call people in their early 40s boys and girls.
During the last talk yesterday, my teacher told us about another Zen Master. He was telling us about living your life authentically. He was using the other Zen Master as an example of how someone who has attained status can live authentically without letting status go to his head. He was describing his behavior.
That other Zen Master sounded #ActuallyAutistic. I don't wish to go into details, but the man was extremely shy, for one thing. There were other traits than shyness, however. I thought "autistic" but other neurodivergences are possible.
Hello @actuallyautistic adults, we would like to start hosting some #gamesnights and was wondering what #games would people like to see at these #events? Vote and add your favourite #online #multiplayer games to the comments, and be sure to follow us to see when these events get announced. (Reposting cause the first time I posted this poll to only my followers, it got no votes at all.)
#Discord #MarioKart #Nintendo #NintendoSwitch #Switch #MarioKart8 #MarioKart8Deluxe #Roblox #FinalFantasy #FinalFantasy14 #FinalFantasyXIV #FF14 #FFXIV #XIV #SquareEnix #Discord #DiscordGames #Autistic #AutisticGamers #AutisticGaming #ActuallyAutistic #Neurodivergent #NeurodivergentGamers #NeurodivergentGaming #AutisticAdults
The state of autism diagnosis in the UK.
All content on slides can be found at this link along with the option to listen as audio-
The state of autism diagnosis in the UK.
All content on slides can be found at this link along with the option to listen as audio-
It's a good thing when more people get their diagnosis. It validates their struggle and increases the chance of them finding Autistic spaces.
While we should work towards a world where diagnosis is not required, we need to recognise that people without a diagnosis struggle a lot.
Blocked a fake "friend" on social media this morning.
Too bad, because I genuinely enjoy their company, but it's become clear that they look down on me because of their own skewed outlook on life. Life's too short to put up with that.
I'm grateful to be able to do so and to have real friends who validate what I think and feel.
#Autistic fellows, what are you grateful for today?
If you are hosting a holiday gathering where #autistic or #ADHD folk will attend (or anyone else who would benefit), please consider setting up a chill room as a quiet space where they can go to escape the sensory onslaught and draining socializing. You can ask people what they might like in a chill room, but snacks, family photo albums, coffee table books, plushies, puzzles, playing cards, comic books, fidget toys, and lego bricks are all reasonable things to try. And it doesn't have to be a solo space – a quiet, out-of-the-way spot to sit and have a conversation is also nice. Protip: If there is an aquarium in the home, use that to anchor the chill space. Nothing beats a good fish tank for chilling out, though a window with a picturesque view is a close second.
If you're someone who would love to have a chill room available at someone else's holiday gathering, try asking them to set one up, or maybe offer to help set it up if that's not too much trouble. Sometimes all you have to do is ask.
Good luck with your holidays, make an effort to include the people whose needs usually get overlooked, and don't let anyone make you feel bad for not being able to keep up with the neurotypical social norms.
AFTERTHOUGHT: It's cool how many people are into this idea. If you end up having a chill room, maybe take a photo and come back here and share it, or post it with a #ChillRoom hashtag, and spread some inspiration. Chill rooms, not meltdowns!
Most of the activity on the Internet, at least the most visible, is the million-dollar trade in junk content and services, absurd things that people are induced to consume so that a handful of miserable millionaires can get rich. And any advance or new technology, sooner rather than later, is always hijacked by that structure. If I think about it and start decluttering my online activity, just like anyone else I may discover that I am miserably wasting my life on pre-digested, pre-chewed nonsense by others with malicious intent.
I always stay with that less perverse and more harmless side of the Web and the Internet in general that has not yet been co-opted. Even bugbounty, which seemed great to me at first, now sounds like a dirty business to me.
It ends up being less criminal and less stressful to collaborate with opensource projects and work on the user's side than to deceive myself with idealistic fantasies, believing that I am helping a free Internet and fair connection, when in reality I am being the fodder of some old-fashioned rich guy.
Honestly I prefer to go back to the dark side. And I am referring to the invisible side, that of the developer, the programmer, but also the side of the silent and anonymous activist that I was for years. I have worked on both sides of ethics, since the time when the division was clear, but currently there is no clear border between those two sides.
Although I am autistic and have a hard time understanding people and the social world I live in, that doesn't mean I am stupid and don't understand the perversion and maliciousness of people and business. The nerd world I knew decades ago is dying and being replaced by a digital idiocracy I never thought I would see. You don't feel like sharing anything in a swamp like that.
For now, luckily, there is still Mastodon and some still intimate places where you can find better people than shitfluencers and scammers.
PD: Sorry for the tantrum, but I'm a little tired of all this shit.
Here are the top ten articles of 2023 collated and made into an anthology eBook. With contributions from Tanya Adkin ND Social Care & Family Services and Katie Munday Autistic and living the dream! The best part is it's free! Let Everyone know!
On another note, if anyone knows how I can distribute an EPUB version for free, please let me know!
That fun @actuallyautistic moment where you get back together with an old special interest that you couldn't get properly stuck in with as a kid because you didn't have time, money, or a proper workspace for the tools you don't have. But now, as an #autistic adult, you also don't have the time, money, or proper workspace either.
It's like getting back together with an ex, even though you know things still aren't going to work out.
@ergifruit @actuallyautistic I think that the #autistic brain is normally more prone to anxiety than an allistic brain, and that it's an evolutionary holdover because why else would an almost always 'on' fight-or-flight response exist?
I've got PTSD and use cannabis to manage it. I find it also calms my 'overclocked' brain...making it easier to connect with things (although what I need to connect with may not be what you need to).
Ecologist, did some university environmental stuff, then #memetics policy analysis (6 years)
No PhD (#burnout) then turned to IT.
Ciso #infosec now for a Dutch #youthcare organization.
Found out I'm #autistic at age 53, also #hb. 2 kids and married with photographer
Interested in many many things, but deeply into #trees # nature #insects #ecology #memes #neoliberalism (as a #memeplex) Also like to use #python to make cool things to fill @bomengidsnl
Apologies to my brethren on the #spectrum, but I think it’s pretty accurate.
Social Media is a fairly lawless place peppered with disinformation and political and fiscal schemers looking for the next dupe. And porn sales. I’m thinking of #Xitter for example.
But it’s also the minds and feelings of modern humanity. More like #Mastodon.
Autistic Bookshop has it's first self-published #ActuallyAutistic author!
This author has written many books, and 4 of them went live today! And more to come!
Check out @UnCoveredMyths ebooks and paperbacks here under the pen names Gail Brown and Abby Brown:
If you are an #autistic author and interested in self-publishing with Autistic Bookshop, please fill out the Author Submissions form and I'll reach out to you.
We (Jo Fitzpatrick & I) set up a network for #Neurodivergent #library workers earlier this year and it's time we moved it onto the next stage. A group of us met earlier this week to discuss it, we'd love to hear other ND library peeps thoughts! #ADHD #Autistic #Dyspraxic (Please boost!) https://neurospicylibraries.wordpress.com/2023/11/16/next-steps/
Autistic burnout is one of the greatest crises that an Autistic person can face.
People often think of it as similar to depression, but it can take many diverse forms.
#AskingAutistics what does burnout look like for you?
Please check it out and leave me a comment if you like. https://peertube.giftedmc.com/w/nxjY5cBb2uBke7xowzbRqD
If you want to know more, read the video description. :)