#cPTSD
Setting off to my clinic to have #therapy and see the psychiatrist to get meds.
Really not sure what to talk about in therapy today. I’ll let my therapist lead. But I need to consult with my psychiatrist about the return of waking up from nightmares with violent movements and screams since reducing the dose of one of my meds.
It's amazing what becomes possible when you heal the old wounds, hurts, and traumas.
Out and about. One day my cptsd won't have me on maximum hyper vigilance but for now I feel like Kato from the Pink Panther, ready to defend myself. #mentalhealth #cptsd
I'm trying to put together a short list of the basic concepts that are essential to understanding the #ActuallyAutistic experience of life. These can be helpful for explaining things to allistics/neurotypicals, but also for seeing ourselves from our own perspective instead of how we are failed NTs. I think it's just a few (albeit big) concepts. Here's my basic list:
- #DoubleEmpathyProblem
- #SocialModelOfDisability
- #Monotropism
- #VariableCompetency
- #CPTSD
#AskingAutistics Do you have your own short list of concepts for understanding or explaining #autism? What are the big ideas that shape your experience of #autistic life?
@IamHappyToast I wish people would put content warnings on images like this, I find them seriously disturbing. #ai #cptsd
#CPTSD #Trauma #Abuse #Anxiety #Narcissists #mentalhealth
what would you like to hear me discuss on my Podcast @TRAUMATIZEDpc ? please don't be afraid to let me know!
#CPTSD #Trauma #Abuse #Anxiety #NarcissisticAbuse #domesticabuse #mentalhealth So everyone out there, How long have you known that you had #CPTSD? and had been dealing with #trauma ?
A second #WaterColor from last night. I used a cheaper type of paper since this is a composition I've used a few times and I was playing with technique. It's good to paint again, but #anxiety stays in that little place just behind my eyes. .
#MastoArt #cPTSD
New Substack Post:
Accepting My Differences & Limitations as Self-care
Part 2: Neurodivergence & Dysregulation
"Just observing what was happening in my body and making some connection as to why or seeing what might help make my life easier (no matter how weird it might look or feel) made all the difference in how I show up or take care of myself."
#autism #adhd #amwriting #essay #disability #writing #trauma #cptsd #ptsd #photo #photography #mentalhealth
When you didn't realize your alters were alters but you used their names for everything. To be... Different people... For your own safety #plural #plurality #multiple #multiplicity #DID #cptsd #mentalhealth
down with the tyranny of okayness!
Those in the psych and med feilds don't like it when you question them or make your own decisions.
I got forcibly medicated and called "anxious and paranoid" during a #Cataplexy episode in a psych stay for grief. I dared tell her that was incorrect and asked "Do you even KNOW what #Narcolepsy IS?!" once I regained control of my limbs and mouth and refused to go in the strap-down room.
If a person without a diagnosis experiences 11 deaths of people in their close circle in 5 years' time would be diagnosed with extreme grief, shock, and maybe even PTSD
.
.
.
but its an"episode" or a new diagnosis if you already have a diagnosis
#Psychology #CrazyPants #Disability #PTSD #CPTSD #ThisMedicalNicheIsFucked
Honestly, whenever my Wife or partners show my affection of any kind I tend to...look like a confused robot.
Remembering trauma is like doing teletherapy from your childhood home “reporting to you Live from the scene of the accident”
Spent some time with the psychiatrist yesterday. He's uping my medication again. It's stressful even going to see him. It's hard admitting there's something wrong with me. The more he hears what my life is like the more he looks at me with surprise. He believes me, but he's obviously stunned at my story. At least today I don't want to hide under my desk at work.
#bipolar #cPTSD #MentalIllness
Started doing art after therapy to process my session starting today. #adhd #cptsd #therapy #arttherapy
Picture is of me as a circle. (Maybe I'm just a good circle)
My Mom told me to my face she would never buy me tampons ever again, and I could just bleed all over my room.
An hour later she bought me tampons, chocolate, ice cream, midol and asked to watch a movie with me.
The fucking emotional whiplash freaked me out so bad I had a seizure.
A remarkable speech in Parliament by Labour MP Charlotte Nichols about psilocybin, mental health, and her own experience of PTSD:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tCmBXZBCm40
#ptsd #cptsd #ukpolitics #mentalhealth
@KatyElphinstone I found Janina Fisher's "Healing the Fragmented Selves of Trauma Survivors" the most practically useful thing I have read in this area:
https://www.routledge.com/Healing-the-Fragmented-Selves-of-Trauma-Survivors-Overcoming-Internal-Self-Alienation/Fisher/p/book/9780415708234#
#cptsd #trauma
#CPTSD #Trauma #Anxiety #abuse #narcissisticabuse #DomesticAbuse #MentalHealthMatters
hi all, I have a Brand New Episode now available everywhere! please take a listen!
Sometimes the most innocuous remark or trivial act can knock me reeling into an emotional abyss
This meme draws me out of it and I have to laugh (usually)
More women attempt suicide. More men die by suicide. It's time we stop giving lip service to mental health and start actually funding #mentalhealth in America.
https://thehill.com/policy/healthcare/4009420-more-women-attempt-suicide-more-men-die-by-suicide/
I did not create this, I found it. It is not meant to be comprehensive nor can it provide a diagnosis.
edit to add that I forgot to explain that I posted the same photo twice because the alt-text was too long to fit into one.
After another awful night with yet another nightmare I need to make an appointment to see my psychiatrist next week. I’m hoping I can get a bit of sleep this afternoon.
Been following this space closely over 7 years.
#MentalHealth chatbots are a #privacy and ethical nightmare 😱 but there’s no shortage of institutions, researchers, #BigTech captured academia and #SiliconValley #VC's willing to prey on at-risk vulnerable populations.
"The Problem With Mental Health Bots” | WIRED
https://www.wired.com/story/mental-health-chatbots/
#Health #DigitalHealth
#DigitalMentalHealth
#ArtificialIntelligence
#AIEthics #EthicalAI
#Healthcare #OSI #PTSD
#MoralInjury #CPTSD
#MedMastodon #AI
ha ha ha...what would i know about avoidance ha ha ..... :melting_face:
Why do I need more sleep?
Because I woke up in the night screaming from a nightmare again. Then basically didn’t sleep afterwards.
Side note: my partner also needs more sleep due to the above.
Doing writing this summer on the tails of research and conversations this last semester on political theology and internet-fractured culture zones.
We'll see if it goes anywhere, but hope to get it published in a teaching journal, perhaps something #CommunityCollege and #humanities-focused.
Regardless, it'll be good to write personally, in terms of #cPTSD therapy as well as my own #pedagogy
What I have learnt from #thegooddoctor trend/memes is that the media has no idea what #neurodivergent #autism looks like.
Crap. Minus the tomboy thing, this is my entire childhood. #cptsdrecovery #cptsd
via @kepic
@vineettiruvadi
I think currently #emotions are considered #psychosomatic.
The #brain is often not the best control of emotion. Thus variance in pain toleration and what not probably proves there is a limit unique human brains have in controlling pain, via the #mind only.
As a person living with #CPTSD, the only #therapy that worked for me are the #SomaticTherapies and there is a lot of research there. Dr. #Porges theories regarding #polyvagal we have found helpful. #SomaticMindfulness practices as well have helped me control emotions.
For #humans we believe the ability to control emotions depends on the type of emotion, and the skills one has gained to deal with emotions. #WillPower alone we think would be the least effective. And of course there are probably emotions we don't want to control.
#philosophy #psychiatry #psychology
I’ve been on Mastodon for 6 months, just changed servers, and — given the prevalent “this is it” feeling of other Twitter castaways this week — it feels a good time to re-re-introduce myself.
I am a survivor of clergy sexual abuse from Boston — I was one of them kids. My writing sprouts rhizomatically from there and then through autofiction based on 16 years of dream-journaling, episodic dissociation, recalls of abuse, alcohol addiction and recovery, becoming, a sensitivity to ephemera, and eternal return.
Following a stroke 12 years ago I became a certified personal trainer. Further into recovery I co-hosted wellness seminars for fellow survivors of sexual abuse. Ambulatorily-disabled upon being hit by a 65+mph car 5+ years ago, I now walk with the assistance of a shillelagh. I currently practice Eskrima and Bataireacht.
I’m on social media primarily for news on COVID and rising fascism. A recluse, offline I keep to myself. But I’ve also never met a stranger.
...
Interests & Concerns: #Beckett #Camus #MaggieNelson #PattiSmith #Deleuze #DeleuzeAndGuattari #SituationistInternational #Semiotics #Semiotexte #JudithButler #cptsd #nonbinary #demisexual
#ClergySexualAbuseSurvivor #ClusterHeadaches #Stroke
#zazen #QiGong #Eskrima #dissociation #NearDeathExperiences #OutOfBodyExperiences #SleepParalysis
#Kanashibari #DreamJournaling #autofiction #anarchism #antifascism #AntiCapitalism #ACAB #JapaneseCinema #Oshima #JeanLucGodard #Osaka #Berlin #BuenosAires #StillMasking #AmbulatoryDisability #kettlebell #BodyweightCalisthenics
#chess
#MonoNoAware #WabiSabi
...
“Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.” — Samuel Beckett
"Life, willing to surpass itself, is the good life, and the good life is the courageous life." — Paul Tillich
"All suffering is formative of the identity that endures it." — Catherine Malabou
"To make trouble was, within the reigning discourse of my childhood, something one should never do precisely because that would get one in trouble. The rebellion and its reprimand seemed to be caught up in the same terms, a phenomenon that gave my first critical insight into the subtle ruse of power: the prevailing law threatened one with trouble, even put one in trouble, all to keep one out of trouble. I concluded that trouble is inevitable and the task how best to make it, what best way to be in it." —Judith Butler
"‘Everything develops, and I myself develop as well; and why this is so will one day be apparent,’ was the formula I was obliged to adopt." — Tolstoy
"I feel that it is necessary and ordained that I should be alone, a stranger and an exile in relation to every human circle without exception." — Simone Weil
"At that stage in a piece of writing where people used to look for explanations, I would like them from now on to find a settling of scores." — Raoul Vaneigem
"The only two things that motivate me and that matter to me are revenge and guilt." —Elvis Costello.
"There is a battle going on, more or less conscious, between Duty and Desire. The part of me which belongs to the world wishes to do its duty : the part of me which belongs to God wishes simply to fulfill what is required and which is un-stateable." — Henry Miller
“I do not believe in God and I am not an atheist.” — Albert Camus
Idea: support group for people who want to get more active together but aren't Intense about it or want to run marathons and shit because our childhood traumas made us very conflict avoidant
@actuallyautistic #rsd #CPTSD #conflictavoidance #adhd #ImposterSyndrome #AuDHD #bodydoubling #bodydouble #actuallyautistic #autistic #autisticadult #neurodivergent
i used to think of codependency as "2 people who are dependent on each other way too much so that they become overly-enmeshed."
but once i learned about the term's origins in the world of substance addiction, it made more sense: in a family or relationship, the "dependent" is the one who is dependent on a given substance (aka "the addict", but can also be "the narcissist", etc.). the co-dependant is the significant other, or a parent, or some other family member, who is the main person dealing with the fallout of the addicted person, helping them, carrying them, taking their abuse, & whatever else.
in this short video, our ole pal patrick teahan talks about codependency as being about keeping the ship floating at all costs. and you know what, i love this description. it definitely describes my mom (who is the main co-dependent with my narcissist dad) and hopefully it will be a helpful framing for you as well.
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/2Jr_3vTwPMU
#codependency #trauma #CPTSD #addiction #recovery #therapy #family #narcissism
Pondering whether it's a neurodiverse thing or long-term childhood poverty thing that finds me consistently going through all of my shoes and cleaning and polishing and repairing them each season. Either way it makes me feel calm and well taken care of. I know when I put my feet back in my boots next fall there will be new warm insoles waiting for me inside of them.
REMEMBERING THE OLD MAN
I've posted this picture before but I'm posting again today on the 20th Anniversary of it falling.
Old Man of the Mountain
Franconia, New Hampshire
Collapsed May 3, 2003
#OldManOfTheMountain #GreatStoneFace #CannonMountain #Photography #FilmPhotography #35mm #WhiteMountains #NewHampshire #FranconiaNotch #CPTSD #Canon #OpinionsRMine
if you don’t think this tree-line doesn’t scare me at night, though. Brian is like.. who would be back there looking in our house? Deer? Uh… hello? cannibalistic maniacs? Or worse - teenage boys from the nearby highschool? this is America and I watch #horror movies! Come on now! I used to not be a chicken. I grew up on a lake near the woods in the middle of nowhere. Somewhere along the line, life got me. Anyhoo.. here are said woods. #nature #cptsd #mutantfam this post was all over the place.🤣
recently, my mom asked me why it bothers me when dad yells. she said "i just ignore it! so he yells. let him yell."
i got that deer in headlights smile, the one that says "every fiber of my being is keeping myself from exploding right now."
the answer is simple: maybe some people wouldn't be affected, but it affects me. very seriously. and the way it affected me growing up, has left life-long problems for me. maybe for someone else who lived my upbringing, they'd be fine. but i didn't come out fine.
so yes, i grew into a dainty flower and one of the things that causes me to wilt is yelling, so it bothers me when dad yells. the end.
do any of you have music-related triggers? i, for example, have a very hard time listening to most jazz music because my dad loves jazz music.. it was always playing in the house, sometimes i was obliged to sit there and listen to it with him, etc.
daddy poisoned a whole genre of music for me! how bout that for power? i'm sure he has no idea. i think i'm getting over it. these days i can be around jazz music, but it's still not a genre that i pick to listen to very often. i respect and admire it, and i heard a lot of it growing up, but i still prefer to listen to other music.
pretty weird to be a meat bag full of nerves, eh?! oy vey.
short video from patrick teahan about other peoples' moods as a top-tier trigger for people with childhood trauma: https://www.youtube.com/shorts/lmmz3gRd7ZI
i clicked on it immediately because i definitely have this problem. i fall heavily into the first camp: assuming that i caused the other person's sour mood and/or feeling like i have to help "fix it."
this is totally rooted in how i grew up with my parents. both of them (in their own unique ways) don't emotionally self-regulate and expect other people (that would be me, when i'm around) to play the part of the helpful child and listen, sympathize, and cheer them up. even if they didn't expect it, i did it anyway because i hated having a walking human dark cloud in the house. it's even worse when they meltdown in public because they might be awful to people in service positions, or do something weird on the road, or just make things uncomfortable around other people.
anyway, it's a hard pattern to break, but i try! i try hard!!!
> It is crucial for deeper level recovery that we learn that feelings of fear, shame and guilt are sometimes signs that we have said or done the right thing. They are emotional flashbacks to how we were traumatized for trying to claim normal human privileges.
> As our recovery progresses, we need to learn to endure these feelings. Reinterpreting the deeper meaning of these feelings is key to accomplishing this.
– Pete Walker, _Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving_
Morning #confession
Several years ago, My ex suggested we name one of my cats Char Siu, bc he's a fucking racist, but I'm an ignorant and naive dummy that thought it was cute bc she was a rescue/evacuee from the last lava eruption. 😓😭 It took my Chinese friend looking at me weird and asking why the cat's name was Char Siu, and me thinking about it ever since, to realize how deep this garbage goes.
Anyway, I call her Char SUSAN most of the time now. 😆 Fuck my ex, he's such a POS and this is me being really ashamed and embarrassed that 1) I am not more aware of, well, anything, and 2) that I wasted so much time under the dark cloud of a yt man.
#racism #patriarchy #cptsd #storytime
Finally completed a #WaterColor in a single session again. Over two years… that’s how long it’s been since our daughter died. In the intervening time I changed jobs, underwent a major back surgery, and was diagnosed as #bipolar. I’ve tried to watercolor multiple times, but always failed. This isn’t my best work and it’s an old composition, but it’s still an accomplishment.
#cPTSD #mentalillness #chronicpain
I work in many areas, try to be an aide to #activism for #antiFascism, as a lifetime #chronicPain sufferer I celebrate/embrace all forms of #neurodivergence, including #artists, #autistics, #cptsd, #diabled, am always available to sing ANYTHING a bass can, from busking to Gregorian chants to oratorio to opera to any and all Janis Joplin's rep(I'm her reincarnation, by the numbers) j. Cash, j, Morrison, Neil diamond, cat Stevens, Dylan, Nina Simone Broadway, German lied, Melodie, songs, sacred...
hey y’all, my name is Kat! i’m a #disabled, #genderqueer, #neurodivergent #IT student at Kent Stare University! i’m also a bit of a #gamer (PC, switch, and PS4) and i’m into fiber arts #crafting. i’m 29, married to my wonderful wife, and have a #dachshund rescue named Loki. I have #MultipleSclerosis, #depression, #anxiety, and #CPTSD. i’m looking to connect with my communities and make friends 🥰 #intro #introduction
I can already predict my #therapy session:
“How are you feeling today?”
“Incredibly stressed.”
“And why is that?”
“This session.”
New instance, new #introduction!
I’m a #queer, #British #bisexual (they/them) #sociologist who has been living in #Japan for 20 years. Until last year I was a tenured Associate Professor at a top #science and #engineering university in central #Tokyo researching #HCI and #sociology of #community. I took (very) early retirement to focus on my #MentalHealth after the workplace environment triggered what I now know is #CPTSD.
I toot on lots of things but expect #Judaism, #feminism, #trans and #nonbinary rights, #mentalIllness (especially #depression, #anxiety and #therapy); also #research on use of #technology and life in Japan.
Recently I’ve started watching #movies more than TV so expect some reviews from #Letterboxd.
Nice to meet you!
Hi, friends I have and haven't met yet! I'm Kellyann, and this here is my #Intro. I recently (like, a year and a half ago) moved from #Vermont to #NewHampshire with my spouse, Tim. I'm #queer, of the #pan variety, and #genderqueer, though I don't talk about the latter much because in the past few years I've become femme. I dunno, maybe it's part of the glorious cycle that is genderqueerness.
Tim and I have two #cats, #Pip the Golden Boy, and #Dayenu, whom we also call Nubbins.
My spouse and I enjoy #hiking, #nature (we're both amateur naturalists), #LeverageRedemption, and the #Horizon games, #HorizonZeroDawn and #horizonforbiddenwest.
I work from home as an #indexer and as-yet-unpaid #Writer. I take lots of #Photographs; they're not good but I share them anyway.
We belong to a local #Reform synagogue, despite being Christians (one of us [me] a former professional Christian). There are many reasons for this: a lifelong appreciation of Jewish ritual and ethics, a Jewish step-mom who's closer to me (and my spouse) than we are with our bio-moms, and an aversion to supersessionism and bad theology in general in Christian churches. (When I left my last church, under very unpleasant circumstances, a fried, the organist, said, "I didn't think I could be a Christian, but you made a place where I could be a Christian." Turns out I did the same for myself.😢
I'm #autistic and have #cPTSD. Also #ChronicPain, #asthma, and a scarred trachea, making this #pandemic both incredibly tedious and yet full of suspense!
Too tired! More later!
is anyone else out there doing "inner reparenting"? i don't think i have an inner parent. or if i do, it's an asshole and hates me.
it's been very difficult to try & do this inner parent thing because it seems way too cheesy & cringey. like i'm supposed to talk to myself and go "there there...you're not *that* big of an asshole. just a regular kind." that's as good as my inner parenting gets.
i'd like it to be better lol, like what i imagine a nice parent might be like. cheering you on, being a shoulder to lean on, offering wise advice, encouraging you to follow your dreams, being understanding, etc.
but yea, it seems really cringey to try & cheer myself on. but i'm trying.
anyway, i liked this youtube post about the difficulties of "inner reparenting": https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCbWvYupGqq3aMJ6LsG4q-Yg/community?lb=Ugkxc0AoQ5y0Dln0cFQPFV0ZjRefSkgLFRA7
before i watch this video about distress tolerance, let me take a hit off my massive bong. jk, i'm out of supply and so will have to face this video about facing things with a clear head. nightmare.
fascinating talk: "Psychedelic Medicines for Depression with Dr. Charles Raison" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qX1urBqyKB0
includes the line "and you know, the chatGPT might be the one in the room with you while you're on your experience.." (this is presented as a horrifying possibility, rightfully so. but it's also hilarious..instead of an elder to be with you & guide you on your spiritual journey with a psychedelic mushroom, capitalism gives you...a chatbot. very on the nose.)