#dadjoke

Cosmetic surgery used to be #taboo, but now when you talk about #Botox no one raises an eyebrow.

#joke #jokes #dadjoke #dadjokes #humour #humor

Daisybrain

Warning: English language pun based on spoken sounds of words:

But if I have gnocchi, how am I ever going to get into my apartment?

#puns #wordplay #dadjoke

#pun #dadJoke #storeNames

@GuyDudeman Well it just goes to show #yougetwhatyoupayfor - here’s a free one to make up for the poor quality original:

I decided to sell my hoover - it was only gathering dust!

That's better than the non-dream-inspired name I came up with for a soup-and-sandwhich cyber cafe on a military base...

The In-Formation Soup-or-Rye Way.

I'll show myself out.

Ryan Adams

Why do elephants need trunks?

Because they don’t have glove compartments.

Ryan Adams

#elephantjoke Friday:

How do you put six elephants in a Volkswagen?
Three in front and three in back…

Crime in multi-storey car parks is just wrong on so many levels!

#joke #jokes #jokesofmastodon #jokeoftheday #dadjoke #dadjokes #funny #humour #humor #puns #comedy #fun #LOL #facepalm #extremefacepalm #notmyfault #fun #just4fun

Wherever he is my father will be looking down on us.

He’s not dead… just very condescending.

#joke #jokes #jokesofmastodon #jokeoftheday #dadjoke #dadjokes #funny #humour #humor #puns #comedy #fun #LOL #facepalm #extremefacepalm #notmyfault #fun #just4fun

Darren // エースマン

Huh huh, huhuh huh, huhuhuhuh...

#DadJoke #LOL

A jar of Nut Butter from Holland and Barrett

Nic

"Use your imagination. If you haven't got one, just pretend."

#jokeoftheday #dadjoke

A Roman Centurion walks into a bar in Londinium. The barman says, “What can I get you, sir?”

The Centurion flicks a V-sign. “Bit rude,” thinks the barman.

“5 beers please,” says the Centurion.

🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺

#joke #jokes #jokesofmastodon #jokeoftheday #dadjoke #dadjokes #funny #humour #humor #puns #comedy #fun #LOL #facepalm #extremefacepalm #notmyfault #fun #just4fun #Rome #Roman #Romans #RomanNumerals #Centurion

#joke #jokes #jokesofmastodon #jokeoftheday #dadjoke #dadjokes #funny #humour #humor #puns #comedy #fun #LOL #facepalm #extremefacepalm #notmyfault #fun #just4fun #TwoRonnies
https://youtu.be/CNTM9iM1eVw?feature=shared

If you’re British and of a certain age you’ll know this sketch. If you’ve not seen it, here it is…

All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my right hand.

#joke #jokes #jokesofmastodon #jokeoftheday #dadjoke #dadjokes #funny #humour #humor #puns #comedy #fun #LOL #facepalm #extremefacepalm #notmyfault #fun #just4fun

psychic driven to distraction GIF by Archie Comics

This week I was asked to do a very important after-dinner speech. I said: "Do you want me to be funny?" They said: "No, just be yourself.”

#joke #jokes #jokesofmastodon #jokeoftheday #dadjoke #dadjokes #funny #humour #humor #puns #comedy #fun #LOL #facepalm #extremefacepalm #notmyfault #fun #just4fun

I have a joke about chemistry, but I don't think it will get a reaction.

#joke #jokes #jokesofmastodon #jokeoftheday #dadjoke #dadjokes #funny #humour #humor #puns #comedy #fun #LOL #facepalm #extremefacepalm #notmyfault #fun #just4fun

Jason

The #umbraco community teams are not an integer... because we're afloat!

#csharp #dadjoke

hedwyg

@mycroft @dgar Excellent #dadjoke!

Dennis Faucher :donor: :mastodon:

A ghost with poor eyesight probably needs their spooktacles

#dadjoke #pun #meme

Simon John

5 days ago

@vwbusguy groan #dadjoke

5 days ago

@dgar Quality #DadJoke

Tom Lorenz

6 days ago

One of my creations from ten years ago. #DadJoke

Image of Princess Grace of Monaco on the left and a plum on the right. The caption: “Grace and a plum”

6 days ago

I mentioned to my mother she was drawing her eyebrows quite high.

She disagreed and looked surprised.

#joke #jokes #jokesofmastodon #jokeoftheday #dadjoke #dadjokes #funny #humour #humor #puns #comedy #fun #LOL #facepalm #extremefacepalm #notmyfault #fun #just4fun

Lesní skřítek

6 days ago

Víte, proč se kočky tak bojí vysavače?
Je to totiž zbraň hromadného syčení.
#dadjoke

You know what they say about cliffhangers…

#joke #jokes #jokesofmastodon #jokeoftheday #dadjoke #dadjokes #funny #humour #humor #puns #comedy #fun #LOL #facepalm #extremefacepalm #notmyfault #fun #just4fun #cliffhanger #movie #movies #film #films

Bus hanging off cliff edge at the end of “The Italian Job”

b-unicyling

@SK53 Interesting. maybe add it to the talk section on the barrier=hedge page on the wiki. I'm sure there are biology/ botany students who could have a field day with this. #dadjoke

Foxfire

#furry #furryart #mastoart #grilling #dadjoke #pun

My current art project fixation is watching my sona come to life a bit in this new software called PNGTuber Plus! I don't plan to even do anything with it aside from just seeing Foxfire bounce around when I talk, but it's been a fun learning experience.

My goal is to fill all the presets with different costumes, I've got one done so far! If that sounds like fun to you, it's available here: https://kaiakairos.itch.io/pngtuber-plus

A cartoony anthro fox making a dad joke. In the second half of the joke, he puts on a chef's hat and a grilling apron, along with a grill popping into existence.

HoH transcription: "I'm not a Gorilla, but I AM a grill-a. Thank you. I'll be here, all week."

Dig me digging you digging me

Arp Laszlo • Comics • ADHD

Incoming #DadJoke

What's an inexpensive meat?

Deer balls. They're under a buck.

#MyLittleRockNRollQueen #DadJoke #Cat #Cats #CatsOfMastodon #Caturday #CaturdayEverday

It’s morning coffee & reading time, which means Rikki Tikki Tavi needs to purr on daddy’s lap.

The #StrayCats wrote a song about her: Deaf & 17.

Medium haired gray & white & brownish cat. Her whiskers on one side are cut in half because I didn’t realize what I was found when cutting out a knot 🤦🏽‍♂️

Robert Sander

Die Tochter fragt, ob alle Musikvideos aus den 80ern so schlimm aussehen.

Meine Antwort: Mindestens 80%

Peter Cohen

Domo arigato, Mr. Mugato

#StarTrek #Styx #DadJoke

A mugato, a white furred ape-like creature wtih a horn, fangs and dorsal ridges, from the Star Trek TOS episode "A Private Little War."

gabriel

@neil 😂

You forgot the disclaimer: #dadjoke

This morning, #Siri said, “Don’t call me #Shirley.” I’d accidentally left my #phone in #Airplane mode.

#joke #jokes #jokesofmastodon #jokeoftheday #dadjoke #dadjokes #funny #humour #humor #puns #Apple #iPhone #film #films #movie #movies #comedy

Meme of Leslie Nielsen in the movie “Airplane”. Responding to the question “Surely you can’t be serious,” he responds, “I am serious and don’t call me Shirley.”

Billy Gannon

I had the following post removed by Facebook. I decided to ask ChatGPT: "Explain the following joke: "I don't like Russian people. I let them take their time"

The reply was interesting. The joke isn't about Russian people at all - but a play on the word "Russian" sounding like "rushing".
Most English speakers will immediately understand the joke - and probably groan at it's corniness. But it does demonstrate how far AI has to go.
#AI #Facebook #CommunityGuidelines #ChatGPT #Language #Dadjoke

Facebook's response to a post I put up which said:
"I don't like Russian people. I let them take their time".
Facebook said: "It looks like you shared something that attacks a person, or group of people, based on who they are by portraying them as inferior. Your post goes against our Community Standards on hate speech".

This is Chat GPT's response to my question: "Explain the following joke: "I don't like Russian people. I let them take their time""

1. "I don't like Russian people." This part of the joke sets up the expectation that the speaker has a negative opinion of Russian people, which is a somewhat offensive and prejudiced statement. 2. "l'll let them take their time." This is the punchline of the joke. Instead of continuing with a statement that reinforces the negative sentiment, it takes a surprising turn. The phrase "l let them take their time" plays on the stereotype that Russians are often associated with being slow or leisurely in their actions, particularly when it comes to punctuality or timeliness. The humor lies in the unexpected reversal of the negative sentiment to a more light-hearted observation about Russian people's perceived behavior. In essence, the joke is a form of self-deprecating humor, where the speaker initially appears prejudiced but then humorously acknowledges a cultural stereotype in a playful way. It's essential to understand that humor can be subjective, and not everyone may find this joke amusing. Additionally, it's always important to be mindful of stereotypes and cultural sensitivity when making jokes related to nationality or ethnicity. ‘G Regenerate

FunHouse Radio

► https://FunHouseRadio.com ←TUNE IN
#meme #pun #dadjoke #lol #stupid #groan #pencil #academia

OhSnap!Dragon

My contractor gave me a new roof for free. He said it was on the house.
🤪
#DadJoke #DadJokes
#puns

OhSnap!Dragon

Did you hear about the red and blue ships that collided? All the sailors were marooned.
🤪
#dadJoke
#DadJokes
#puns

Bill Rhodes

#hankandboats #watercolour #cartoon #dogsofmastodon #watercolor #daily #dadjoke

Hank (the dog) and Boats (boat tailed grackle) is a daily cartoon filled with dad jokes, puns, special days, and more.

If you wear underwear with ducks on it you technically have a buttquack #dadjoke #pun #meme

When fish defy their god is it blasphinmy? #dadjoke #pun #meme

Dave Neary

@robdolin You know it wasn't actually him who said that. #dadjoke

CatTrigger

I'm not ready to be a father.

#comic #comics #funny #satire #furryart #dadjoke #dadjokes

Ben Combee

If you use your fingers to type out hard #scienceficion stories for publication, are you a digital-to-Analog converter? #dadjoke #electronics

Scott Williams 🐧

#Spanglish #Espangles #DadJoke

What do you call a plant that definitely isn't a cactus?

Paul.

Darren // エースマン

Picked up some crumpet today

#DadJoke

Markus Werle

I heard that #Gnu #Hurd is going to be released soon.

#jokes #joke #dadjoke #dadjokes #humor #humour #funny #jokeoftheday #jokesofmastodon

I wait for my mother to buy a new bit of machinery for their house, and then I tell my dad that said piece of machinery is voice-activated.

You have not known true joy until you have seen a 76-year-old man tell an electric blanket to go **** itself.

ravi

@andycarolan #DadJoke

𝗠𝗔𝘀𝘁𝗼𝗠𝗘𝗺𝗲𝗠𝗔𝗸𝗲𝗿𝘀

#startrek #tng #memes #commanderdata #enterprise

once up on a time, ...in january ...i saw amongst a few other a epic big data #meme, so i wanted some data of my own and things went rather well. so much #dadjoke energy in me, ...apparently.

#mamema has soooo much more #data
https://det.social/@mastomememakers/109743677178770711

startrek tng data toasts with a female crew member. text: data pairing

Mark Taylor 🇳🇿:TheCDN4:

#DadJoke #NoContextBrits

Via No Context Brits @NoContextBrits
·
57m

Text Message Today 21:07

Dad there's a spider in the living room. Can you take it out?

Took it out. Pretty nice fella He's a web developer

Phil Tanner

@katalyst What's a pirates' favourite letter of the alphabet?

<Depending on the other person's response you can then choose from:>
Rrrrrrrrrrrrr
<or>
It be the C, of course
#dadJoke

Phil Tanner

@katalyst Pirate walks into a bar, with a huge ships' wheel attached to his belt buckle and orders a rum.

Barman says "what's up with the wheel?"

Pirate replies "Arrgh! It's drivin' me nuts!"

#dadJoke

I bought my friend an elephant for his room.

He said, “Thanks.”

I replied, “Don’t mention it.”

#joke #jokes #dadjoke #dadjokes #jokeoftheday #funny #humor #humour

Elephant on a couch having therapy, saying: “I’m right there in the room and no one even acknowledges me.”

MaJ1 ♻️

So as an IT Desktop engineer there are two errors one really hates if one gets caught short …..

One is bad, the other is much , much worse!

#Tech #Jokes #Humour #DadJoke

Picture a rope toilet roll holder suspended from a blue anchor shaped hook on a white wall.

The toilet roll on the holder has a single sheet on it , there is writing on the sheet which reads “PRINTER ERROR , PAPER LOW “

Picture an L shaped metal toilet roll holder, mounted on a wall.
On the toilet roll holder is the cardboard core of a toilet roll .
In biro on the core someone has written: “Error 404, page not found “

Max Leibman

#Norsktut #Allheimen #Dadjoke #GammelMannPåMastodon

Where does a phisherman buy his links?

At the clickbait shop.

#phishing #DadJoke #infosec

Laura Langdon

4 weeks ago

I got to #DadJoke my Dad! I was explaining that a Thunderbolt port can do everything a USB-C port can do plus more, and I suddenly realized that means: Thunderbolt is USB-C++. 😁

The Coding Beard

4 weeks ago

@j_opdenakker #dadjoke 🙄

(((1 2 X U)))

4 weeks ago

Det heter vel "Obs! Juridica" nå?

https://www.nrk.no/norge/haerverk-pa-universitetet-i-oslo-1.16533709

For fakultetet fremstår det tilfeldig at det ble utført i Domus Juridica.

John Hume

My 6yo: "It's not very good because it's a #DadJoke, ... and dads aren't that good."

Sergrass 🇺🇦

yes, it's me, liza 🇵🇷 🦛 🦦

#dadjoke #funny

Two panel image. The first panel shows someone telling a cashier "I'd like to buy a muffin with chocolate chips". The second panel shows the cashier answering "Sorry, we only take cash"

@neil ihatechu and this #dadjoke LOL

A wet baby owl, is a moist owlette

#dadjoke #pun #meme

Neblib

@dgar that's a good #dadjoke.

@olafurw #dadjoke 🤪

Top tier #dadjoke at Reykjavik airport 😂

Store at Reykjavik airport that is called "eyesland" which sells prescription glasses.

Michael C. Bazarewsky

#dadJoke

Me: The earth isn’t flat!
fiat earther: correct
me: huh?
fiat earther: it’s the shape of an Italian car
me: what?
fiat earther: you read my name wrong didn’t you?

Markus Werle

@parents4future eine Wartezimmerzeitschrift mit dem Titel „Genug gewartet“ ist aber schon maximal subtil.

#DadJoke

Nick Tune 🇺🇦

@vmstan best way to find out is to taste the broth #dadJoke #ImSorry

Gareth Harmer

I might be going out on a limb here, but I think this is a tea tree.

A tree with teapots threaded onto the branches

Mark W. Alexander

@nil
I just shared a #DadJoke toot with my wife.

It was a screenshot, unreadable on my phone, but hysterical in context.

The #AltText was perfect so that's what I showed her.

She didn't get it. Until I sang (badly) the punchline.

She would never, ever, ever, gave a shit without #AltText.

Bur, with a little prompt, she got it.

jonathanpeterson

@MattBinder a #dadjoke about weed

jonathanpeterson

@Chrishallbeck A self-referential, existentialist, recursive #dadjoke - the intersection of philosophy and computer science. hard to geek harder than that

Anders Borch

15 + 15 is thirty.

16 + 16 is thirty too.

#Math #DadJoke

plinth