#dadjokes
TIL: There is a programming language named "squirrel" and the file extension is ".nut".
I'll store this little nugget away for a day when I need a smile {maybe this winter}.
This came through one of my friend groups and I haven’t seen it in #DadJokes yet so here you go!
what sounds like a sneeze and is made of leather?
a shoe. #BadJokesOnly #DadJokes
My housemates are convinced our house is haunted, but I’ve lived here for 274 years and I haven’t noticed anything strange.
I can cut a piece of wood in half just by looking at it.
you might not believe me, but I saw it with my own eyes. #BadJokesOnly #DadJokes
what do you call a sad cup of coffee?
depresso. #BadJokesOnly #DadJokes
Did you hear about the emu that grew so large it got rejected from its social group at the zoo?
It was ostrich-sized.
Updating a batch of hashtags there, signing off on some, pascal casing any that needed that. You know, cool shit.
Dealing with #DadJokes and the bastarding thing would not save, and kept throwing an error… dear reader, having looked at the text more than I want to admit, cross reading it again and again, I realised I’d updated the hashtag to read #BadJokes by accident…
More coffee needed I think.
A bug in a software update has removed all German contacts from my smartphone contacts.
It’s switched on the “Hans-free” setting.
#joke #jokes #jokesofmastodon #jokeoftheday #dadjoke #dadjokes #funny #humour #humor #puns #comedy #fun #LOL #facepalm #extremefacepalm #notmyfault #fun #just4fun #smartphone #german #bug
Why do the French never have two eggs for breakfast?
Because one is un oeuf
Where do disreputable music discs go for a drink?
A CD pub.
What do you serve to photons at a soirée?
Light refreshments.
You can get a cup of tea for twelve-and-a-half cents, but be warned that you get exactly what you paid for...
It's a bit steep.
Authorities are searching for a thief who abducted a newborn sheep to use as a means of transportation.
He's currently on the lamb.
I'm shocked by the power of electricity. #dadjokes
Darn, I’m out of skyr. I’ll have to confine myself to skyrless remarks.
Why is it so windy at the concert? #dadjokes
So, heute nachmittag ist #Kindergeburtstag im #SuperFly. Mal schauen, wie viele #DadJokes zum Thema "Fliegen" ich untergebracht bekomme.
Vorschläge willkommen!
@GottaLaff
I just thought of a joke with paper planners.
Be careful swiping right when using a day planner or else you might end up with a paper cut.
What kind of spells do cows do? #dadjokes
I'm NOT sorry....[[|:-D
If you laughed, giggled, or snorfled, please fav and boost!
1st archive: https://w.tt/2YyPjcM
2nd archive: https://tinyurl.com/yfat69cs
Find more of me on Linktree: https://linktr.ee/minus1digit
#meme #memes #memes2023 #PNWMemist #MemistryonFB #memesdaily #dankmemes #funnymemes #memesofmastodon #UFO #UAP #aliens #DadJokes
I don't trust elevators. I've been taking steps to avoid them.
#dadjokes
My wife is a bit of a country girl.
Her idea of "debating" is taking the worm off the hook.
why did Waldo go to therapy?
to find himself. #BadJokesOnly #DadJokes
#dadjokes
"Why did Billy get fired from the banana factory? He kept throwing away the bent ones."
#dadjokes
"What did one hat say to the other?" "Stay here! I'm going on ahead."
#dadjokes
"Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired."
#dadjokes
"Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I'm not going to spread it!"
#dadjokes
"What do you call someone with no body and no nose? Nobody knows."
#dadjokes
"I don't trust stairs. They're always up to something."
My uncle is up for “Dentist of the Year”. If he wins he’ll get a little plaque.
#joke #jokes #jokesofmastodon #jokeoftheday #dadjoke #dadjokes #funny #humour #humor #puns #comedy #fun #LOL #facepalm #extremefacepalm #notmyfault #fun #just4fun
They’re building a mirror factory in my town.
I could see myself working there.
once I read a book about glue.
I couldn't put it down. #BadJokesOnly #DadJokes
A man went to see his doctor, who told him he didn’t have long to live.
Shocked, he demanded , “Well, how long have I got?”
The doctor said, “Ten…”
Cutting him off, the man said, “What, years? Months? Days!!!???”
Looking at his watch the doctor continued, “… nine… eight…”
#joke #jokes #jokesofmastodon #jokeoftheday #dadjoke #dadjokes #funny #humour #humor #puns #comedy #fun #LOL #facepalm #extremefacepalm #notmyfault #fun #just4fun
"Have you ever played Monotony? It’s a bored game." /P. Helbig
why did the pony ask for a glass of water?
because it was a little horse. #BadJokesOnly #DadJokes
I got in a pillow fight with the grim reaper. Sadly, I had neglected to consider the reaper cushions. #dadjokes
Wherever he is my father will be looking down on us.
He’s not dead… just very condescending.
#joke #jokes #jokesofmastodon #jokeoftheday #dadjoke #dadjokes #funny #humour #humor #puns #comedy #fun #LOL #facepalm #extremefacepalm #notmyfault #fun #just4fun
All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my right hand.
#joke #jokes #jokesofmastodon #jokeoftheday #dadjoke #dadjokes #funny #humour #humor #puns #comedy #fun #LOL #facepalm #extremefacepalm #notmyfault #fun #just4fun
My wife asked me to put ketchup on the shopping list
Now I can’t read anything.
#dadjokes
"My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right!"
#dadjokes
"Where do boats go when they're sick?" "To the boat doc."
I was as at the bank and there was a man at the ATM and he was standing on one foot.
He said he was checking his balance.
#DadJokes
At first I thought my chiropractor wasn’t any good…
But I stand corrected.
#dadjokes
"I got carded at a liquor store, and my Blockbuster card accidentally fell out. The cashier said never mind."
Dolphin baby: How did you and Mom meet?
Dolphin dad: we met in school.
Dolphin mom: Don’t…
Dolphin Dad: And we just clicked.
@SwiftOnSecurity Forgot the hashtag #Dadjokes
At a funeral a man says to the widow, "Mind if a say a word?"
"Not at all,” she says, “please do."
He stands up, clears his throat, and says, "Comprehensive," then sits down.
She responds in tears, "Thank you. That means everything."
Robin: The Batmobile won’t start.
Batman: Check the battery.
Robin: What’s a tery?
I accidentally drank a bottle of invisible ink.
Now I’m in hospital waiting to be seen.
@SonnyBonds @olafurw We encountered multiple copies of the image. I'm not sure Munch got his object ownership architecture right. But maybe he had a more cash-oriented platform in mind.
https://www.munchmuseet.no/en/our-collection/5-things-you-should-know-about-the-scream/
Happy Fathers' Day to those who celebrate.
In our family it's also known as Pun Day - the extended family compete by sharing the worst puns they can find.
#FathersDay #PunDay #DadJokes #Australia
I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey.
But then I turned myself around.
I’m gonna write a book about all the things I should have done with my life.
l’ll call it my oughtabiography.