David Wakeham
23 hours ago

The other day at work, I had to squeeze past a Ute that had parked over the footpath.

Whilst I felt a tug, I did not notice this.

Why did nobody tell me?

Only noticed now doing the laundry between clients.


Pair of blue denim jeans with a huge tear in them on the right approximately the length of the back pocket.
1 day ago

Time for my daily ritual of removing dog shit from the lawn: meticulously scanning every square meter and then - when I think I'm done and tie up the bag of poo - turn around and step right into the largest turd I've ever seen.

#fml #doglifestyle

2 days ago

Cuando inconscientemente cambias ";" por " | " y por supuesto no obtienes la salida esperada. 🙈 #fml

3 days ago


4 days ago

My newest app has been yet again rejected on first submission to Apple for an idiotic reason. I think the days were you could submit and forget are now definitely over. #fml #iosDev #indieDev

André Bauer
4 days ago

#jfrog #artifactory support is the worst.

Same image pull errors in our #k8s cluster on #aks for months now.

Proxied #docker images, which already exist in atrifactory, can't be pulled, because they are "not found" or "to many requests" error passed from #dockerhub remote registry.

Support unable to help or even to understand the issue.


6 days ago


#AcrossTheSpiderverse was absolutely spectacular. Completely blown away by its amazingness.

Going back to watch it in two days on IMAX.

⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️

Happy -grand companies and new startup companies changing their profile picture to rainbows to show they welcome everyone except you now buzz off- everyone.

Still #LookingForJob

christian mock
1 week ago

Wenn du bei einem Kunden eh nur zur Sicherheit vor Ort bist, wegen einer Netzwerkumstellung, die eh sauber läuft und in einer Stunde abgeschlossen ist... Und dann rebootest du noch einen Firewall-Cluster, weil da kann eh nix passieren.

Und dann eskaliert das bis hin zu einem fw vsx sicreset. #FML

1 week ago

Being middle aged is getting a stiff knee because you slept "wrong", getting pains in your other knee and hips when walking/standing, and then pinching a nerve in your pectoral muscles when you finally cave in and sit down.

Luckily it was on my right side, or I would have been certain the stabbing pain was a heart attack. 😆


Angus McIntyre
1 week ago

The paywalled, left-leaning tabloid in my city had a 1-year-for-$3 special offer. (Their droolingly-fascist rival is, of course, free)

It sometimes has useful local news, so I thought "Why not?”

"Why not" is because it's a shitshow. They auto-subscribed me to hourly updates, so my inbox is full of chunks of tabloid horror. I can't unsubscribe because their back-end is broken. “Manage my account” takes you to an unconfigured IIS homepage.

Now I have to add them to my spam filters. #smdh #fml

1 week ago

So much for feeling better...just got a VERY positive test result. I'm going back to bed now

#CovidIsntOver #FML #MyLifeAndWelcomeToIt

Lewis Dexter Litanzios
2 weeks ago

😳 It's 2023 and [this] complicated to create a recurring/repeating task in #Notion #FML #DoBetter #TheMindBoggles #UX #Fail #YouHadOneJob


2 weeks ago

Damn. It had to get us eventually. Mom texted positive for COVID. I will be VERY surprised if I don't. Just got tested & am going home to wait for my results.

#today #mom #FML #MyLifeAndWelcomeToIt #Covid

2 weeks ago

Well, she's being admitted for a raging UTI & possible pneumonia. We're waiting for COVID test results before I can leave. I can honestly say I'd rather be at work right now.

However, since they're keeping her a day or 2, I can try to get some housework done AFTER I get some sleep. It's so much easier when she's not there to criticize how I do things while watching me work.

#mom #MyLifeAndWelcomeToIt #FML

2 weeks ago

Kundenrechner akzeptiert Windows-Passwort nicht mehr (oder es hat ihm die Hitze nicht gutgetan?), nach 3 Eingaben startet er neu (killt dabei alle ungespeicherte Arbeit) und fordert nun eine Bitlocker-Recovery. Ich geh mal Kontaktdaten vom Support suchen...
Mein Stundensatz ist offenbar immer noch zu niedrig.

2 weeks ago

So, my mother woke me up at 3 a.m. by screaming for help from the bathroom. She'd fallen. Called EMS to get her up (my back won't let me) & they agreed with me that she needed to go to the ER to be checked out. Now in the waiting room while they get her checked in.

I didn't want to go to work today, but not like this.

#mom #FML #MyLifeAndWelcomeToIt

2 weeks ago

Did anyone catch the plate # of the metaphorical truck that hit me? All the autoimmune symptoms flared up at once today. Everything hurts. Had to call off work, and I just ordered something to eat because we have no groceries. (We were supposed to shop after we got back from Iowa)

#FML #MyLifeAndWelcomeToIt #ChronicFatigueSucks #today

Hitch :yikes:
2 weeks ago

Brillen sind wichtiger als ein Kühlschrank - tjoar...


Charlotte Walker
2 weeks ago

@erzsebel @swisslet My forehead has gone a bit scabby where I got burned so badly on Sunday. I tried using some intensive moisturiser, now it looks scabby and white #fml

This is un-effing-believable.

I got a new phone a few months ago. Since then, my UK banking app has failed to log in because it needs to send a 2FA code to my phone and I never receive the code.

Today, I called customer service. I was told that they only use domestic numbers for 2FA codes so I would have to re-register online to receive a code in the post. I understand, but it is an inconvenience.

So, I promptly go through the "forgotten details" path on their website to request a new activation.

This is done. It will take 3 business days.

Immediately on completing this process, I receive an SMS message from my bank confirming that I have requested an activation code by post.

An SMS from the bank that just told me they don't send international SMS messages.


Jason :voteblue:
2 weeks ago

I fell yesterday and strained a muscle in my back. Moving hurts. #fml

Dr. Bear
3 weeks ago
Image shows the cover of the Slimming World new members pack.

Yesterday we performed the annual spring ritual of taking summer clothes out of storage and putting winter clothes into storage.

Naturally, it's cold and wet today.


Charles Castleberry :pika:
3 weeks ago

When you’re writing a character and it’s all going fine, and then afterwards you spend the day being all unexpectedly morose and emotional and eventually start to realize how much he’s you and how much his traumas mirror your own, but then it’s too late and you’ve ripped off the bandage and now you’re just bleeding out.

So, how’s *your* day going? 🤣😭🤷‍♂️

#AmWriting #fml

Chris Kendall
3 weeks ago

I designed a pattern, knitted a generous swatch, in pattern, and in the round, carefully measured the gauge, measured my daughter, used Ann Budd’s generally excellent generic guides to calculate size, started on a top down raglan, cut the steeks… and it’s about half the bloody size it should be. Would barely fit a large doll. 😩😂 #knitting #FML

The yoke of a v-neck jumper I’ve started knitting which is far too small for the intended recipient.
Jaanus Kase
3 weeks ago

#SwiftUI #FML

Wasted a few hours to learn that old .alert view modifiers are REALLY deprecated when working with iOS 16. Like, they just don’t work, and nothing is output to console. No warnings in Xcode, documentation browser just says "deprecated", but usually deprecated things remain working. (Sometimes) not so with SwiftUI.

You need to realize yourself that you must use this modifier, or any of its new siblings.

singapore's path to "reducing plastic use", charge 10 cents for plastics bags but wrap everything else in plastic bags ok. Embarrassed when you see that malaysia supermarkets just outright don't provide plastic bags.

why individual wrappings? maybe because of those selected few, who will help the rest of us be better off by returning their I/C earlier, those who open individual prepacked boxes to "selected the best looking" fruits/veggies. #FML

3 weeks ago

Now at the hotel. Pain meds consumed, lidocaine patch applied to my back, mother sent off to play with my cousins. They tried to get me to go too, but one murderous look changed their minds.

#family #Mom #ChronicFatigueSucks #pain #FML #MyLifeAndWelcomeToIt #roadtrip

Hitch :yikes:
3 weeks ago

Versuche gerade die Brille des Kindes mit Epoxydharz zu retten - wenns nicht klappt, dann ist es quasi blind - wünscht mir Glück...


3 weeks ago

So. It took 90 minutes to clean out the car because Mom "helped." After knocking myself out, I'm taking 15 minutes to sit & rest before getting on the road. I told her to keep her yap shut & not piss me off any further. SHE was supposed to have done this over the last week. I'm already pissed that I've had to blow my vacation for this fucking family reunion, and it won't take much more to send me screaming over the edge.

#today #mom #roadtrip #FML #MyLifeAndWelcomeToIt

3 weeks ago

Urlaub Tag 1: 38,8 🤒


Gomez :baner:
4 weeks ago

Bought a new gas hob about a year ago. Just had an email & a text from the retailer to say the manufacturer has issued a recall.
Checked the details and this is due to "a serious issue which could pose a risk to health, or even death".
Disconnect immediately and call this number.
Well I can't disconnect it, I'm not a gas engineer and you can't be that worried as everyone on that number went home at 5pm.
Luckily I have a couple of induction hobs kicking around from our cooking classes.

Lisa Lorenzin (she/her)
1 month ago

How it started: How it's going:

#FML #3DPrintingFail

3D printer starting the first piece of a multi-piece project
3D printer happily pumping out spaghetti everywhere after the third piece of the print came off the printbed
1 month ago

#Office alternatives: I want something that fits into my completely unpredictable ecosystem. I use Android primarily. However I also use iOS, Windows10, macOS, and even occasionally some flavor of ChromeOS or linux. As of now I use Google Docs because it runs on everything and doesn't seem to choke on anything. I am coasting along and suddenly I need conditional formatting or complex styles and I am looking for something else again. I thought I might have found a solution in #collabora but it runs like a dead horse on Windows10 and menu commands take 10-15 seconds to open dialogs. Honestly #Google could probably solve my issues with a few standalone apps or even just a better styles system. I use primarily #Docs for notes. I do update or view the occasional spreadsheet or presentation but I do nearly everything in a Word Processor. For now I am just going to use #LibreOffice on #Windows10 and Google #Docs on everything else. #FML

leo faria
1 month ago

@spiceee we didn't deploy yesterday and today we are getting rate limited #fml

I just lost 2 hours trying to debug something and it was just an inverted boolean condition... #fml

1 month ago

I was too cheap to spend an extra $5 for shipping. So I added another $20 to qualify for free shipping 🤡

#adulting #amazon #FML

Ghosting people is just not cool.


1 month ago

Dear #Copenhagen train station
I hate platform 26

And platform changes

That's all
Kind Regards
Someone with asthma who suddenly had to hurry to catch her train


Nicole J
1 month ago

Age is just a number she whispers to herself as she crushes on and yearns after girls half her age... 🥺🥺🥺


1 month ago

Aw, jeebulus, I’m seeing my local timeline (which is a nightmare) not my home timeline and I can’t figure out how to toggle between them #fml

1 month ago

Spent $75 on grass seed and lawn soil. But after 2 weeks of constant rain and regular watering, the only thing growing on my lawn is weeds.


#dadlife #homeownership #lawn #landscaping #gardening #fml

1 month ago

A cm-long piece of a plastic fork tine broke off in my lunch, and I can't find it. #FML

nixCraft 🐧
1 month ago

I received domain renewal notices from Google domains in my email, which served as a reminder of the slow progress I made so far and failures of my side projects. #FML

1 month ago

Trying to “be an adult” and structure my Python code so it could be packaged and published and it has turned into a total clusterfudge.

I am about two minutes away from just going back to how it was structured before so I can get on with my coding

#Python #FML

2 months ago

Did I just lose power in exactly half my house, without any circuit breakers tripping, and with absolutely no obvious sign of what is wrong? Yes. Yes I did. Is it the part of the house that has all my networking/internet gear? Also yes. #FML

David Venter ✪
2 months ago

Back to Stage 5 Rolling Blackouts today which means only 6 hours of access to electricity per day. This is beyond debilitating and depressing AF. #Loadshedding #SouthAfrica #FML 😩

John-Mark Gurney
2 months ago


Strive to be even better than the ieft. Yes, the ietf is better than most, but could also be so much better.


gemma lynn
2 months ago

i thought i'd try soloing legend avalon, since it uses the same scaling as the legenday campaign. went great, 10/10 would die to the architects again

#destiny2 #destiny2lightfall #vexcalibur #fml

3 months ago

nothing like a saucer briefly sticking to the bottom of the glass you are lifting up, just long enough for it to fall down on top of a full cup of milk, spreading the milk over the table and floor, and splattering against a wool blanket, when you are already short on time...

#personal #fml #murpheysLaw

3 months ago

That moment you build a "fancy" (pricier than you usually buy) #keyboard and love it, but the #keycaps you were GOING to put on there just...don't feel right. #FML

3 months ago

In relation to my earlier post, my morning routine got interrupted this morning and I forgot to take my medication until 2pm. Was wondering why I couldn't concentrate


@benteh I win the slow parcel lottery.
Walking on my feet to and from Belgium would have been faster.
DPD partners with PostNord, #fml

A screenshot of parcel statuses from Belgium to Oslo, showing almost a month of travel, with at least a week just bouncing back and forth within Norway
Suze Shardlow
3 months ago

When you don't use your usual starter word for #Wordle and then it turns out to be the solution 😩

I've never got it in one!!!

Wordle 623 3/6


#fml #GotItInThree

gemma lynn
3 months ago

in retrospect, precariously balancing my favorite sweater on the saddle of the bike i currently have hooked up to my indoor trainer, the bike with the freshly-lubed drivetrain, was not the brilliant lifehack i thought it was. at least it's gray i guess. #fml #bikeTooter

Evil Is Itinerant
3 months ago

I wish I had "Donate to all the goFundMes I boost" money. Instead I have, "should probably start a goFundMe myself" money. #FML

Feature branch: delete yarn.lock, yarn install && yarn run test - tests fail

Master/main: rm -rf node_modules && yarn install & yarn run test - ONE test fails

CI: tests pass

#javascript #yarn #cicd #fml

I wish someone would have told me that half a bottle ago... 🥃⚰️

#bourbon #whiskey #BlackMapleHill #fml

Black Maple Hill Kentucky Straight Bourbon handmade sour mash limited edition 750 ml 47.5% alcohol by volume 95 proof

Sorry for the lack of content warning but it's also got beautiful artwork...
it's somehow appreciated to $3K wtaf?!?!
Luke Shiru
4 months ago

I have a few ideas to improve one of my libraries and create another small one, and is almost Monday #fml :skullcry:

4 months ago

Sport, der: sinn- und würdelose anstrengende Prozedur, der sich die groteske Fehlkonstruktion, die sich "Körper" schimpft dauerhaft zwecks potenziell gesteigerter, Haltbarkeit unterziehen muss. Siehe auch: Fuck my life #fml

Fratm :archlinux:
4 months ago

Feel like crap all your life, doc says "Hey this drug should help" take the drug for 30 days, it literally changed your life for the better. go to refill the prescription "Oh sorry this is on back order with no estimated delivery date." #FML #ADHD #SUCKS

Spent part of the AM helping a student troubleshoot her ML code for our Twitter study of harmful speech. Spent part of the PM researching how to run the study without Twitter. I really feel for everyone who is already mid-study. #FML #AcademicMastodon #TwitterAPI

Dave Spector
4 months ago

OK, so you know you’ve reached a “certain age”’when you go to see a very well known writer speak …and you and the other audience members are what you’d think of — back in your 20s — as “your parent’s age.” #yikes #IWantToSpeakToTheManager #FML

(Seeing #FranLebowitz at the #SidneyGoldsteinTheater in #SF) #CityArtsAndLectures

Theodora Lau
4 months ago

Paid family leave still out of reach for most American workers

(so ... nothing much has changed then.)

#Caregiving #FamilyLeave #FML #GenderEquity


I have started to consider "JQL subqueries would help me here.."

Which is already kind of a fubar thought to have.

Then I found this:

This has been "gathering interest" for 13 years, because of course it has 🤣

4 months ago

Not sure who needs to hear this (well I do, but they won't listen anyway)


Shared Dll's can be a thing, but guess what, if it's only going to be used by 1 service, I've got an innovative tip for you...

You can... wait for it... write the code in that service!

I has a tonne of advantages, like, it's faster to run, it's easier to couple releases together, debugging is easier...

The only downside is that you don't get to run a new Web service


Oh mother of *#&%!

I think I messed up here with my #Email program.


Mail activity window showing the following messages:

Downloading Messages: 332,617 new messages

Downloading Messages: 387 of 252,981

Merket at jeg kjenner meg igjen i siste episode av @nitteritte med det GoatMuncher sliter med, bortsett fra at i min versjon er det både felles barn, felles bosteder (pga barna) og en part som ikke respekterer grenser og avtaler. Så #fml tror jeg

5 months ago

guess what's loud as fuck and outside my front door all day #fml

a workman angle grinding
a tractor digging up tarmac
5 months ago

Jet lag, hot flash, or Covid. Today the answer is all three. 👍 #fml

David McCormick
5 months ago

Killing time at King’s Cross (next three trains cancelled)

#iphonePhotography #photograph #fml

Warm light on flats in gasometer viewed through a shady alley with some tasty angles
Khalid ⚡
5 months ago
macOS update bar

Current #earworm:
"London bridge is falling down..."

6 months ago

@benjedwards I... I can't believe this is news. Also, breaking news:
"Smartphones were once used for making voice phone calls. Film at 11." #FML

6 months ago

@juddlegum But they built the Autobahn! #FML

Becky Harrison
7 months ago

Oh, Mrs Migraine. How I've missed the dizziness, the brain fog, the inability to remember words or even speak, and the hideous head, neck, and face pain. Thank you for visiting just when I need to appear to know what the hell I'm talking about in a professionals meeting. So helpful.

I'm off to hibernate.

#migraines #chronicillness #fml

Chris DiSalle :floppy_drive:
7 months ago

> whoami

From Gametek Jeopardy on my i286 to web dev on Notepad later FrontPage 98 and Macromedia Dreamweaver, I've been geeking out as long as I can remember.

#USAF - Server Admin / #threathunting
DoD Contractor - RMF #FML
Managed Intel Startup - Adversary Detection / #insiderthreat / #disinformation / #contentfarms
Currently nerding it up at Cisco Talos #incidentresponse

Always learning...
...or watching #baseball ⚾​
...or #vanlife #camping 🚐​
...or wishing I was playing #pingpong 🏓​

Gary Lake
7 months ago

Jesus I thought I’d disabled cross posting #fml 🥱