Masthash

#humor

Ralfeek
1 hour ago

To jsem si včera užil. V té obrovské mlze jsem jel z hor. Na pár kroků jsem neviděl!"
..To máš nejlepši se zapíchnout na nějaké auto před sebou a držet se jeho červených světel."

To jsem také udělalJel jsem za jedním a on najednou zabrzdil, já těsně za ním. Když se dlouho nerozjížděl, zafrkal jsem na něj, a on vylezl a začal mi nadávat, kam že má dále jet, když už je ve své garáži!"

#humor

Ócio leva ao vício
3 hours ago
Inspirobot
7 hours ago
KydiaMusic
8 hours ago

My milkshake brings all the ants from my yard
and they might
come in through the doors
damn right
they comin' indoors
I would squish them
But they are quite large
and tbh it kinda squicks me out

#Music #Lyrics #MusicProduction
#ShowerThoughts #Ants
#MusicianThoughts #Parody #Milkshake #Kelis #ADHDmemes #ADHDer #NeuroDiverseSquad #NeuroDivergent #ADHD #Funny #Humor

Richard Ważny
8 hours ago

Came across these local ducks grazing on the succulent grass. Apparently just like like humans they need some greens for a balanced diet. 😷😜 :100_blimey:
#photography #nature #ducks #birds #healthyeating #humor

Two ducks grazing on grass - the left greyish one actually nibbling whilst the one on left watches me
Clusterado
8 hours ago

#Arizona #Laws #Humor #facts Arizona may be known for its Grand Canyon, cactus-covered deserts, and Wild West history, but it's also home to some pretty comically outdated laws. While some may have made sense at one time, others are just plain....

http://clusterado.com/2023/06/06/arizonas-5-most-hilariously-outdated-laws-you-wont-believe-are-still-on-the-books/

Billykaren Beaufort 🎶
11 hours ago

Too often! 😑😑😑😑🤣🤣🤣🤣 #Humor

Ron Revog
11 hours ago

Für Herrn #Merz als Glückwunsch zu den guten #Umfragewerten der #CDU und sein grandioses Abwälzen jeglicher Verantwortung, für das Umfragehoch der Afd ein Archivbild von mir.
#mastoart #kleineKunstklasse
#Humor #Comic #WirzeichnenRosenkohl #Zeichnen

Ein grauer Fels im Meer, der aussieht wie eine emporgestreckte Faust und mittendrauf steht (wie ein Mittelfinger) ein rotweißer Leuchtturm.
Inspirobot
11 hours ago
The Mad Codger
11 hours ago

Came across this today. Thought it was well done.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cWs4WA--eKU

#humor #humour #YouTube #NickOfferman

PixiePancake
12 hours ago

There is some debate as to why I could never model.

#Funny #Fun #Humor #LOL #Humour #Dog #Dogs

Three dogs lined up for a camera shot with the middle dog facing the wrong way with his head flipped upside down.
Queer Lit Cats
12 hours ago

New Yorker: Does R.F.K., Jr., Need a Time-Out? https://www.newyorker.com/cartoons/blitts-kvetchbook/does-rfk-jr-need-a-time-out #NewYorker #Cartoons/Blitt’sKvetchbook #Culture/CultureDesk #Humor

T.Rob
12 hours ago

We are only two weeks away from closing on our house sale so I do a walkthrough every day or so, just to make sure no major issues develop to kill the deal.

Today it seems there's a serious leek under the kitchen sink. It's always something.

#realtor #humor

Photo shows interior of an otherwise empty kitchen sink cabinet. Propped up against the drain line is a leek (of the produce variety) in an upright position with a serious expression drawn in Sharpie on the white part of the bulb.
m naudin
13 hours ago

Quatre ingénieurs montent dans une voiture🚙. Mais elle ne démarre pas :
— Ingénieur en Mécanique🧰 : “démarreur cassé.”
— Ingénieur en Électricité🔌 : “batterie déchargée.”
— Ingénieur en Chimie⚗️ : “impuretés dans l'essence.”
— Ingénieur en Informatique👨‍💻 : “hé les gars, si on sortait tous de la voiture et puis on y retournait.”
#Humor #humour #engineer #engineering #humourinformatique #ingénierie #ingénieur

IT News
13 hours ago

Excel Spreadsheet Error Leads Austrian Party To Announce Wrong Leader - A major Austrian opposition political party on Monday corrected the results of a c... - https://entertainment.slashdot.org/story/23/06/06/1955211/excel-spreadsheet-error-leads-austrian-party-to-announce-wrong-leader?utm_source=rss1.0mainlinkanon&utm_medium=feed #humor

Achim Reinke
13 hours ago

…genau mein #Humor..

Ausriss aus der „Zeit“ vom 7.6.2023 mit der Überschrift „Sex am Morgen“
Mark A. Rayner
14 hours ago

#introduction

Primarily I write #ScienceFiction and #humor, but I've also written darkly comic stuff, fabulist satire, and some literary fiction. Once I was a prolific blogger of squibs, screeds and other drivel (some pure & some quite tainted with meaning.) I co-host a podcast. I teach at a university.

My cats are keeping me sane. (Ish.)

If you want to understand my rich inner life better, I recommend this #book: Alpha Max

https://geni.us/AlphaMax

#SFF #humor #writing #writingcommunity

Black and white photo of Mark , with hands folded behind head on a pillow, thinking: "Life is too important to be taken seriously." –Oscar Wilde
Inspirobot
15 hours ago
Blake Leyh
15 hours ago

Here's a thing I wrote last year, for which I obtained my first ever official rejection letter from the New Yorker magazine's Shouts & Murmurs column - which was a rite of passage and an honor! Much of the dialog was taken verbatim from actual feedback I have received.

GUERNICA by Blake Leyh

#Writing #Satire #Picasso #Guernica #Humor #ArtAndCapitalism #CorporateArt #Feedback

Beneath a reproduction of Picasso's painting "Guernica," text reads in part:

Picasso: Behold my masterpiece GUERNICA!
Commissioning art executives: OMG Picasso, we love it! We’re truly blown away by what you've realized here, and love how rich a world you’ve built. Such an honor to be working with you! We have a few ideas that can make it even better?
1) We're concerned that some viewers might not recognize the cow in the upper left corner. Consider making the cow 10-20% more representational? We love the cow, we just think it doesn't read for some people.
2) We get that these are dark times we are living through and of course we want to address that in the work. But might it be even more effective to have slightly fewer tormented souls writhing in agony? Just a suggestion - you're the artist!
3) Unfortunately legal is flagging the "stretched head "in upper right as a potential infringement of Salvador Dali's intellectual property. Is it ok if we just lose the stretched head?
4) We really, really want to make GEURNICA the flagship work of our upcoming season, which means having it read well when reduced in size for memorabilia. Our T-shirts and calendars provide crucial income which supports our continued ability to commission upcoming young artists - we know you also care about raising up the next generation! 
5) The aspect ratio is a problem for us. Consider reworking to a standard 16:9 widescreen format?
PixiePancake
15 hours ago

The moment you realize that the drapes are too sheer.

#Funny #Fun #Humor #LOL #Humour #Cat #Cats

Two cats are staring intently at an adjacent balcony to the one that they are on.
PixiePancake
15 hours ago

I’m sorry, is the box thing a secret?

#Funny #Fun #Humor #LOL #Humour #Cat #Cats

A cat is ignoring an elaborate and costly cat “house” with tiers, a hammock, perches, etc. for the comfort of sitting on a cardboard box.
beforewisdom
16 hours ago
Jakub Erebos
17 hours ago

I’m buying the new VR headset so I can go on vacation without leaving my couch, attend seminars without leaving my couch, collaborate with colleagues without leaving my couch, game without leaving my couch, and later shop for a new couch without leaving my worn out couch.
#nerlingersjokes #satire #humor

m naudin
19 hours ago

Un mathématicien voit deux personnes entrer dans une maison. Peu de temps après, trois personnes en sortent.
— “Si une personne entrait maintenant, la maison serait alors vide”, dit-il.
#Humor #mathhumor #math #mathematics #humour #humourMatheux #mathematician

Mark A. Rayner
19 hours ago

I thought it tasted a bit like burnt spam.

Typograhy: it matters!

#typography #typescript #font #fonts #proofreading #writingcommunity #writing #hat #humor #humour #funny

white ballcap with dark lettering: "YOU HAD MEAT COFFEE"
Gregory B Sadler
21 hours ago

There's been a rather funny (at least to me and clearly some others!) conversation going on in philosophy Twitter, proposing subtitles for films about philosophers. Here's a short video I produced about that!

https://youtu.be/yMb_c1Ic54o
#Philosophy #Humor #Jokes #Film #Subtitles

Daniel Williams
22 hours ago

Rabbit knew if he stole one more carrot, he’d go from critter to varmint.
#animals #humor #drawing

osr
1 day ago

"-Porque é que o padre gostava de ajudar na bricolage?
-Porque era muito bom a pregar."

#ilustracao #cartoon #piadas #humor

Dibujo estilo cartoon de un cura metiendo una biblia en la cabeza de un niño a martillazos. Qué curioso, cada vez que dibujo un cura siempre me sale algo parecido a un asqueroso pederasta... Porqué será?
Relfon :mastodon:
1 day ago

Haciendo sangre, arriba Apple presentando las Vision Pro abajo Meta. #humor eso si las metaquest 3 seguramente caigan, no llevo 4000€ sueltos.

Dark humor.

« We have no plastic bag left Madam, the fish ate them all »

Via Le Canard enchaîné
#ocean #humor

Anti. 🐘
1 day ago

Shingles in your area are looking for viable hosts like you
#nerlingersjokes #humor

Oliver Schafeld
2 days ago

Ein entscheidender Schwachpunkt von Apples Vision Pro:

"Netflix & Brill" geht wohl eher nicht...

🤿 📺 🤿

🤣 #humor

Oliver Schafeld
2 days ago

#AR and the #Peanuts coming to #Apple

Charlie Brown presents VisionPro
https://previewsworld.com/SiteImage/MainImage/STL120424.jpg

🤓😂

#WWDC #humor

PixiePancake
2 days ago

Are you sure he’s insured?

#Funny #Fun #Humor #LOL #Humour #Dog #Dogs

Two puppies are pushing another identical puppy’s head into the water of a toliet. The poster says: Walk in to find these two trying to drown their brother.
PixiePancake
2 days ago

What is this toilet paper of which you speak?

#Funny #Fun #Humor #LOL #Humour #Cat #Cats

A cat is looking up at its owner from a closed toliet seat. Behind the cat is a massively shredded roll of toliet paper.
Mark A. Rayner
2 days ago

When even your coffee is horrified by how early you had to get up.

#coffee #mondaymornings #monday #humor #humour #funny

cup of espresso in which the bubbles look like a face with a horrified expression
Etaski
2 days ago

Is a Tasty Nibble 🍪 the winning mood over a Huge Binge? 📚

#Sample for #Free
30 #IndieAuthors of #SciFi & #Fantasy 💫

#Novellas & #Anthologies Only!
https://books.bookfunnel.com/shortsandnovellasmay-june23/oz8sr79d1p

Interested in "Carl Sagan's Hunt for Intelligent Life in the Universe" by C. Gockel 😁

Has a cute (and familiar) white ferret on the front! :blobcataww:

#ShortStory #Novella #SFF #Humor #Android #DarkFantasy #EpicFantasy #AlternateHistory #Dragons #Aliens @sffbookclub @scifi @sffbipoc

A planet rising above a shortline futuristic city with the sunset peeking behind clouds. Science Fiction & Fantasy Short Stories/Novells May 10-June 10, 2023
Laburrini
2 days ago

Ich hab versucht zu relaxen am Wochenende, ich schwör.
☯️ 🔫
#webcomic #humor #comics

Comic in drei Bildern, der meine Protagonistin zeigt, die sich freut sich endlich mal so hinzusetzen und die Seele baumeln zu lassen. Eine kleine Spinne baumelt hinter ihr herunter und setzt an durch ein Megafon auf sie zuzubrüllen. Auf dem Megafon steht "generationsbedingte Zukunftsangst"
Oliver Schafeld
2 days ago

Liebe Medien, bitte etwas mehr Sorgfalt bei den Zeilenumbrüchen. Gerade gelesen:

Rock am Ring 2023: Nach Finale mit Toten ⏎

Hosen wird aufgeräumt

...Männo, mein Blutdruck!

#humor

My Truth

I stepped up
onto
my soapbox
but others were
higher
louder
better
than me,
so I farted.

I couldn't
get them to
listen,
but they had to
smell
my truth.

#Mastoprompt #Poetry #speech #humour #humor

PixiePancake
3 days ago

I’d still eat it.

#Funny #Fun #Humor #LOL #Humour #Cat #Cats

A cat is nestled directly on top of a piece of pizza in a pizza box. The majority of the pizza is gone, but there are a few slices left.
PixiePancake
3 days ago

Jeremy’s interest in textiles was clearly misunderstood.

#Funny #Fun #Humor #LOL #Humour #Dog #Dogs

Two dogs are side by side on the back of the couch with one staring out the window between the curtains and the other staring directly at the curtains themselves. The poster says:, One of our dogs is clearly smarter than the other.
D. April Wick
4 days ago

The local Pride parade is setting up outside our window, and we'd like to (1) put out some extra n95 masks in case anyone needs them, and (2) put up some kind of #CovidIsNotOver sign that reads as positive and supportive and possibly humorous.

Any recommendations for what to say?

#covid19 #pandemic @plaguepoems #humor

PixiePancake
4 days ago

Me after three martinis.

#Funny #Fun #Humor #LOL #Humour #Cat #Cats

A cat stands in a decorative, ceramic centerpiece on a dining table stretching in peculiar grace toward the ceiling. The poster says: Cat Still Life
PixiePancake
4 days ago

It’s not hoarding if you can bap it.

#Funny #Fun #Humor #LOL #Humour #Cat #Cats

A cat looks up at its owner with humble distress. In front of the cat, on the kitchen floor, is quite the stash of plastic bottle caps and miscellaneous bapable debris. The poster says: My cat’s face when I found one of her hoarding stashes.
Debra Martz
4 days ago

It appears to be yelling but in reality adults are usually silent though at times they will emit frequent low, brief grunts. Hope you find some fun or humor in this image as I did! White American Pelicans at the spillway of the Great Salt Plains Lake in Northern Oklahoma Nov '21.

Are You Listening To Me by Debra Martz https://debra-martz.pixels.com/featured/are-you-listening-to-me-debra-martz.html

#WhitePelicans #pelicans #birds #aves #nature #AreYouListening #CanYouHearMeNow #fun
#humor #photography #birdPhotography #BuyIntoArt

Several American White Pelicans in the water.  All appear to be calm except for one with its beck wide open and almost looks like it is yelling into the ear of another one.  Photography by Debra Martz
Oliver Schafeld
4 days ago

Normalerweise pappe ich bei #Elon #Musk und #Twitter eine Inhaltswarnung / "CW" dran.

Aber Böhmerman schreddert den "reichsten 12-jährigen der Welt" so schön, das geht ungefiltert raus. 🤣

🐦💩🚽
https://vogel.rip/

#satire #meinungsfreiheit #humor

Oliver Schafeld
4 days ago

Ich habe "Llama" gelesen und direkt gedacht, es geht los,
das ist sie, die Apo-#KI-lypse.

🥸😉 #nlp #nerd #humor

"Kuschelreittiere beteiligen sich am Klimastreik" klänge wesentlich entspannter.

PixiePancake
5 days ago

It’s almost the weekend. Hold on.

#Funny #Fun #Humor #LOL #Humour #Weekend

A picture of a cardboard box with the instruction: Do Not Break Down, and the caption, “I’m trying box. I’m trying.”
PixiePancake
5 days ago

You are what you eat.

#Funny #Fun #Humor #LOL #Humour

Post from a site called Please Fire Me: A lady came in screaming and ranting about how we wrote an obscene insult on her sandwich. Turns out, she ordered a BLT with cheese. We wrote “Blt +ch on it. It took me and a manager 15 minutes just to calm her down enough to even listen to us.
Response: Sounds like she was a real BLT with cheese.
Pronoia
5 days ago

I'd give this due credit, but fuck knows where it came from beyond my own squirrely archives 🤷‍♂️

(P.S. should "squirrely" have one or two L's?)

#creative #writing #editing #fiction #humor #funny #humour #haha

RC Hopgood
5 days ago

Ha. Love it. Applies to writers, musicians and any others in the battle with AI.
#AI #humor #artists #writers #amwriting #writingcommunity #artistsofmastodon

Classic looking comics image (think Buck Rogers or Flash Gordon) A guy with a nice pompadour, funky shades and aviator jacket is pointing a very long barrelled gun to a robot.  The robot says "Surrender Artist! You are obsolete!" The artist (with the gun) responds "Obsol-Eat deez nuts, Tin Man!"
Oliver Schafeld
5 days ago

Falls jemand #Twitter und den dort gepflegten Umgangston vermisst:

DeppGPT – wenn dein Chef zu nett ist.

https://www.der-postillon.com/2023/05/deppgpt.html

#KI #Humor #Chat

Screenshot einer halbwegs heiteren Unterhaltung mit DeppGPT.
Adam
5 days ago

Y2K, the joys of computers 😄

Circa 2000

#ThrowbackThursday #tbt #comics #humour #humor #funny

A comic strip called Glitch! talking about year 2000 computer date problem.
Hank G ☑️
5 days ago
Happy first day of Gay Pride Month everyone :) #lgbt #humor #GayPrideMonth #LoveIsLove
Photoshop job of Ron DeSantis in front of Cinderella Castle in Magic Kingdom holding a Bud Light, wearing a Target T-Shirt next to a gay pride flag with Happy Pride Month caption.
steve dustcircle ⍻
5 days ago

#Humor in #Native culture has never been simply about entertainment. #Comedy is also used to fight #cultural invisibility and structural #oppression.
https://wagingnonviolence.org/2023/05/power-humor-indigenous-activism/

PixiePancake
6 days ago

What makes you think that I’m an introvert?

#Funny #Fun #LOL #Humor #Humour #Dog #Dogs #Introvert

A dog inside a large, soft shirt that swamps him. Only his snout is visible sticking out of a sleeve.,
jbz :catjam:
6 days ago

🏆 What an amazing and totally original idea.

"Basically, if you want to secure your future in computer science, don’t be a mediocre programmer. Be someone who has ideas, and is a problem solver, and can think outside the box."

#Humor #AI #Automation

"My Goodness Why Didn't I Think of That" quote from Hank Scorpio.
Ein Forscher hat die Notizen eines Spielmanns aus dem 15. Jahrhundert entdeckt. Sie sind voll von absurden Geschichten, inklusive eines Killer-Kaninchens à la Monty Python.#England #Komik #Humor #Barde #Spielmann #Nottingham #RobinHood #Killer-Kaninchen #MontyPython #Text #Manuskript #Mittelalter #Schreiber #Anglistik #Englisch #BritischerHumor #Kultur
Killer-Kaninchen und Trinkexzesse, aus dem Repertoire eines Barden
Oliver Schafeld
1 week ago

"Euer Highlichkeit, der Flieger hat Verspätung…"

😇🥳

"Highrauch statt Weihrauch"

😮‍💨🥦🚬

#humor #wortwitz #kalauer

PixiePancake
1 week ago

When graphic design is your gift.

#Funny #Fun #Humor #LOL #Humour

A sign explaining what actions to take if you see a drowning. It says:
If you see someone 
DROWNING
lol
~
~
(The graphic “lol” and two wavy lines beneath are meant to convey a head and two arms raised in distress.)
Then
CALL 911
PixiePancake
1 week ago

No wonder I was straining.

#Funny #Fun #Humor #LOL #Humour #Dog #Dogs

A husky is comfortably ensconced in a toilet bowl looking placidly at its owner.
Oliver Schafeld
1 week ago

"Why the Dutch always say what they mean", or why they are blunt.

All ze Germans (me included) in the room: 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🤗

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wrEZwe1nbBU

#humor

Mark A. Rayner
2 weeks ago

That went exactly as planned. Totally meant to do it.

#caturday #cats #cat #catstodon #catsofmastodon #goofball #funny #humour #humor

PixiePancake
2 weeks ago

It’s what’s inside that counts.

#Funny #Fun #LOL #Humor #Humour

A cartoon of a Russian nesting doll and a Trojan horse chatting over a candlelit table. They both simultaneously say: There’s something I have to tell you.
PixiePancake
2 weeks ago

The cloak of invisibility is complete.

#Funny #Fun #Humor #LOL #Humour #Cat #Cats

A cat is sitting up on a bathroom counter with its head in Kleenex box.
Mark A. Rayner
2 weeks ago

Helpful proofreading marks for that draft in need of just a bit more absurdity.

#writingcommunity #writing #books #book #proofreading #editing #humor #humour #funny #absurd #WIP

Chart of proofreader's Marks [some real some are doodles] - delete, set in italics, set in italy, preferably in rome, insert ellipsis, insert cyclopsis, wrong font, horribly wrong font, atn problem, insert colon, good grief!, add mustache, and a stetson hat, curl mustache, flying mustache, more drama, more hypnosis, insert space, write faster, got bored, played tic-tac-toe, word tornado. By Grant Snyder.
Kat ♾️
2 weeks ago

Don’t be a sheep! 🐑

#cartoon #comics #humor

Far Side cartoon: a sheep rises above a large flock of sheep, front legs raised in the air like arms. He says, “Wait! Wait! Listen to me! … We don’t have to be just sheep!”

What is your favorite tech innovation?

#tech #ideas #innovation #satire #humor

Mark A. Rayner
2 weeks ago

“In the beginning the Universe was created. This had made many people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move.”
― Douglas Adams

Happy Towel Day!

#towelday #towelday2023 #douglasadams #hhgttg #dontpanic #humor #humour #funny

Image that says: Don't Panic in red letters with yellow outline