Masthash

Photo of a pigeon with white text overlaid.

Text: Arguing with idiots is like playing chess with a pigeon... ... No matter how good you are, the bird is going to shit on the board and strut around like it won anyway.

Bonsoir la communauté ! Aujourd'hui j'ai appris une nouvelle blague : pourquoi les Robots sont toujours fatigués ? Parce qu'ils ont trop de bugs ! 😂😴 #humour #robotblague

𝕯𝖎𝖒𝖎

5 hours ago

#cats #sleep #meme #humour

Two pictures. The first one is a woman in a bed waking up with the text "Waking up between 2 and 4am means a higher power wanted to talk with you."
The second picture is a zoom in of a cats face with the text "Feed me."

@thelinuxcast@fosstodon.org I would have been interested if it had looked like an Apple //e straped to my face. 😉

#Apple2 #humour&nostalgia #humour #retrocomputing

Proactive Paul

9 hours ago

TEACHER: Glen, how do you spell 'crocodile'?

GLEN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L

TEACHER: No, that's wrong.

GLEN: Maybe it's wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.

#humour #funnies #education

Mark Tillotson

10 hours ago

Misheard lyrics?

I think not! 😉

😂

Moody Blues - Nights in White Satin

https://song.link/i/1452558806

#Rock #RockMusic #ClassicRock #Music
#Humor #Meme #Joke #Jokes
#Funny #Humour #LOL

A drawing of two Knights in armor with white dresses over the armor.

The caption at the bottom reads, "Knights in white satin."

PixiePancake

11 hours ago

Are you sure he’s insured?

#Funny #Fun #Humor #LOL #Humour #Dog #Dogs

Two puppies are pushing another identical puppy’s head into the water of a toliet. The poster says: Walk in to find these two trying to drown their brother.

PixiePancake

11 hours ago

What is this toilet paper of which you speak?

#Funny #Fun #Humor #LOL #Humour #Cat #Cats

A cat is looking up at its owner from a closed toliet seat. Behind the cat is a massively shredded roll of toliet paper.

12 hours ago

Generally, many people want to sing kumbaya around a campfire whilst deluding themselves that the campfire's smoke emissions aren't toxic.

However, for those that are aware that the #ClimateCrisis is now inevitable (it is already happening - depending on location), The Post Carbon Institutes Crazy Town podcast is a more sane analysis of all things climate-related

Crazy Town: Episode 75. How to Lose Friends and Demoralize People: The #Science (sic!) of Near-Term #Extinction https://www.resilience.org/stories/2023-05-31/crazy-town-episode-75-near-term-extinction/.

The photograph is of some crazy-looking clever guy called Einstein, who apparently said "Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results".

Of course, within the context of reducing greenhouse gas emissions, most people (of the world) aren't expecting different results - they're simply either being forced (e.g., gotta pay the rent) or choosing to take part in work and recreational activities that are emitting greenhouse gas emissions.

One thing is for sure, #business as usual is friggin crazy considering the consequences.

#climate #ClimateHeating #ClimateChange #humour #psychology #sustainability #technology #physics #ecology

A photograph of some crazy-looking clever guy who apparently said "Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results".

Mark A. Rayner

15 hours ago

When even your coffee is horrified by how early you had to get up.

#coffee #mondaymornings #monday #humor #humour #funny

cup of espresso in which the bubbles look like a face with a horrified expression

DJM (open to jobs)

15 hours ago

📖 Have a nice day…

📨 Fun photos of animals, pets, dogs, wildlife I collected over the years. Hoping that looking at them will help you have a nice day or brighten it if needed.

[...]
https://www.didiermary.fr/have-nice-day-wildlife-photography/?mtm_campaign=AutoPost&mtm_kwd=DirectWWW&mtm_source=Mastodon

#️⃣ #Photo #Chiens #dogs #FishEye #Humour #Ours #Bear #Photographie #PhotographieNB

4 photos of a doberman doing fun faces, as if shot in a photobooth

Head to our YouTube channel if you like a bit of #skitcom . Is it any good? Not for me to say. I just enjoyed #writing and recording it. #audio #podcasting #humour #humor #comedy #comedyuk #ListenUp https://youtube.com/@brilcast

𝕯𝖎𝖒𝖎

17 hours ago

This is 2023 for you... #tech #meme #humour #apple

A picture of someone wearing the Apple glasses with the text 90s: dont sit too close to the tv - 2023:

𝕯𝖎𝖒𝖎

18 hours ago

Theory: the Time Masheen #history #museum from #Idiocracy is the result of #ChatGPT and #GenAI hallucinating on its own content for 500 years. #movie #humour #AI

A still from the movie Idiocracy, where two dinosaurs, one with a nazi flag and the other one with an US flag are fighting

A still of the Idiocracy movie with the sign for the museum as Time Masheen

#humour 🙂

https://t.me/cerveauxnondisponibles/5276

Le rôle d'une mère :

Selon Pétain : image d'une femme maternante, tenant un nourrisson dans ses bras levés au-dessus de nombreux enfants.

Selon moi : image représentant une femme avec un tablier en train d'ajuster la cagoule de son enfant habillé en black-block, un drapeau noir et un écriteau "Fuck the police" sous le bras.

John Chapman

1 day ago

Some time ago in 2021 NASA's Dart mission fired an object at an asteroid in an attempt to change its orbit. The mission was successful, the orbit was changed. Recently the James web telescope took pictures of the impact site though.
#Dart #NASA #Humour

Asteroid impact site picture has a strange Wile E. Coyote outline

Mark Tillotson

1 day ago

Science called.

Bad news.

The earth doesn't revolve around you.

😂

#Humor #Meme #Joke #Jokes
#Funny #Humour #LOL
#ScienceJokes #DadJokes

Sheryl 2 Crows (aka John)

1 day ago

My Truth

I stepped up
onto
my soapbox
but others were
higher
louder
better
than me,
so I farted.

I couldn't
get them to
listen,
but they had to
smell
my truth.

#Mastoprompt #Poetry #speech #humour #humor

"The Eddie Show" 😎 🏳️‍🌈

1 day ago

📰 @guardian headline causes "Ewwww"-trauma in some readers who visualize what a "Trump-shaped hole" is, then realize they can never unsee it.

#humour #humor #Headlines #GOP #USPolitics #Trump #DeSantis #Pence

screenshot of Guardine headline and subhead.

Roast and Ride: Republican primary reves up with bikers, BBQs and a Trump-shaped hole.

Aspirants including Ron DeSantis and Mike Pence rally the crows but none mention the ex-president by name, giving the impression of a party in denial.

𝕯𝖔𝖈 𝕽𝖔𝖇𝖊𝖗𝖙𝖘𝖔𝖓

1 day ago

#memes
#humour
#humor
#ForestFriends

Forest friends image from Facebook. Image of 2 bunnies sharing a bath, one bunny says I'm so sorry, I don't know how the hell they manage to make sharing a bath look so romantic in the movies. Other bunny replies, oliver, your big toe is still up me...

PixiePancake

1 day ago

I’d still eat it.

#Funny #Fun #Humor #LOL #Humour #Cat #Cats

A cat is nestled directly on top of a piece of pizza in a pizza box. The majority of the pizza is gone, but there are a few slices left.

PixiePancake

1 day ago

Jeremy’s interest in textiles was clearly misunderstood.

#Funny #Fun #Humor #LOL #Humour #Dog #Dogs

Two dogs are side by side on the back of the couch with one staring out the window between the curtains and the other staring directly at the curtains themselves. The poster says:, One of our dogs is clearly smarter than the other.

the trouble with mia :baner:🐝

2 days ago

Very British Signage - The Pub (Part II)
h/t #NoContextBrits #UK #Humour #ThePub

Chalkboard at a pub reads
NO
We do not hav
WIFI ...
Talk to each other
Pretend it's 1995!

the trouble with mia :baner:🐝

2 days ago

Very British Signage - The Pub
h/t #NoContextBrits #UK #Humour #ThePub

Gateleg board outside the Hall & Woodhouse bar reads:
Well behaved children welcome
The rest will be made into pies

the trouble with mia :baner:🐝

2 days ago

The English in summer. Care of #NoContextBrits
#Summer #England #Humour

A man sitting on a deck chair in the middle of the road, reading. He is in shorts and no shirt, wearing a rainbow umbrella hat. At his feet is a beach ball and a small pile of sand.

Caron

2 days ago

Jen loved her new designer handbag. It was the perfect size to carry her shield. #vintagestyle #art #humour

Maria Karlsen

2 days ago

One good thing about getting older. If I'm not happy about the way I look, all I need to do is to remove my glasses before looking in the mirror.

Beats makeup every time.

#life #humour

Mark A. Rayner

2 days ago

Cat takes a selfie of the rapture!

#caturday #cat #cats #catstodon #catsofmastodon #humor #humour #funny

a blurry photo of a cat shot from below, with human figures far up above in various positions -- almost like the cat is taking a selfie

Mark Tillotson

2 days ago

So what have *you* been up to?

#Humor #Meme #Joke #Jokes
#Funny #Humour #LOL #Embarassed #Autocorrect

Screenshot of a text exchange between two people:

1: Hey what are you up to?

2: Just finished Masterbating. It makes me feel so relaxed so I can go to sleep easier.

1: Awkward.

2: Shit. I meant menstruating

1: Not any less awkward.

2: OMFG I meant meditating! What is wrong with this phone.

PixiePancake

2 days ago

Me after three martinis.

#Funny #Fun #Humor #LOL #Humour #Cat #Cats

A cat stands in a decorative, ceramic centerpiece on a dining table stretching in peculiar grace toward the ceiling. The poster says: Cat Still Life

PixiePancake

2 days ago

It’s not hoarding if you can bap it.

#Funny #Fun #Humor #LOL #Humour #Cat #Cats

A cat looks up at its owner with humble distress. In front of the cat, on the kitchen floor, is quite the stash of plastic bottle caps and miscellaneous bapable debris. The poster says: My cat’s face when I found one of her hoarding stashes.

Mark A. Rayner

2 days ago

Even the big guys like to have a good time on #caturday.

#cat #cats #catstodon #catsofmastodon #tiger #tigers #animals #humor #humour #funny

tiger with its eyes closed and its tongue sticking out

Joanne Fisher

3 days ago

#humour #montypython #montypythonandtheholygrail #theholygrail #thingsthatfloatinwater

Mark A. Rayner

3 days ago

Ready for his #caturday closeup!

#cat #cats #catstodon #catsofmastodon #humor #humour #funny

close up shot of brown tabby with green eyes, and his little teefs almost smiling

Mark Tillotson

3 days ago

Him: I bet you like arguing pedantic semantics.

Me:

Me: That’s not *precisely* correct.

#Humor #Meme #Joke #Jokes
#Funny #Humour #LOL #DadJokes

Supermouse The Rodent

3 days ago

#doom #apocalypse #humour

The speech bubble says "I liked it so much better when there were only four of them."

Two people are watching an assembly of cloaked horsemen.
Death, war, famine, conquest, plague and climate change are greeting a new horseman, artificial intelligence.

PixiePancake

3 days ago

It’s almost the weekend. Hold on.

#Funny #Fun #Humor #LOL #Humour #Weekend

A picture of a cardboard box with the instruction: Do Not Break Down, and the caption, “I’m trying box. I’m trying.”

PixiePancake

3 days ago

You are what you eat.

#Funny #Fun #Humor #LOL #Humour

Post from a site called Please Fire Me: A lady came in screaming and ranting about how we wrote an obscene insult on her sandwich. Turns out, she ordered a BLT with cheese. We wrote “Blt +ch on it. It took me and a manager 15 minutes just to calm her down enough to even listen to us.
Response: Sounds like she was a real BLT with cheese.

the trouble with mia :baner:🐝

3 days ago

Very British Headlines - Entertainment
#UK #Humour #KidsToday #NoContextBrits

A picture of the rof of a red car with a portion of chips on the roof. Headline reads "Deranged hooligans have thrown chips on car roof"

Pronoia

4 days ago

I'd give this due credit, but fuck knows where it came from beyond my own squirrely archives 🤷‍♂️

(P.S. should "squirrely" have one or two L's?)

#creative #writing #editing #fiction #humor #funny #humour #haha

Joanne Fisher

4 days ago

It should say: How To Make A Dramatic Entrance. #StarWars #obiwankenobi #humour #revengeofthesith

Heading: How To Make A Dramatic Entrance: A Tutorial by Obi-Wan Kenobi

Four photos arranged in a square. Images from Revenge of the Sith (2005)

Top left pic: Obi-Wan Kenobi removing his cloak. Text: First the cloak

Top right pic: Obi-Wan Kenobi standing there with his cloak at his feet. Text: Do it like that.

Bottom left pic: Obi-Wan Kenobi standing there. Text: And don't forget the most important part

Bottom right pic: Obi-Wan Kenobi bends his right leg slightly. Text: The leg, that's what they want.

𝕯𝖎𝖒𝖎

4 days ago

I think I would not be mad either :)

🐶
#Doggo #meme #humour

À dog with a pizza in its mouth, and the words "our pizza delivery guy took more than 30 minutes but I think I can forgive him"

Adam

4 days ago

Y2K, the joys of computers 😄

Circa 2000

#ThrowbackThursday #tbt #comics #humour #humor #funny

A comic strip called Glitch! talking about year 2000 computer date problem.

Joanne Fisher

4 days ago

#humour #SpaghettiCarbanana

Photo of a plate of spaghetti with toy cars and a thickly cut up banana still in it's skin. Underneath the photo is the comment: Spaghetti Carbanana.

A reply states: Never text me again.

Coralie Mercier

4 days ago

Allez on démarre le mois des fiertés avec une chronique #humour politique étrangère par Aymeric Lompret, sur la loi anti-homosexualité 2023 en Ouganda.

https://www.radiofrance.fr/franceinter/podcasts/la-chronique-d-aymeric-lompret/la-chronique-d-aymeric-lompret-du-jeudi-01-juin-2023-2077818

#pridemonth #AymericLompret

Coralie Mercier

4 days ago

Je recommande vivement le spectacle de #WalyDia "Ensemble ou rien" ! (Juin 2022)

https://www.primevideo.com/region/eu/detail/Waly-Dia-Ensemble-ou-rien/0JP5HMXDVKAOPEU9RJJ9GOGBE1

J'écoute religieusement toutes ses chroniques #humour sur France Inter depuis quelques années et je suis fan de son mordant, son éloquence, ses messages. Sur scène c'est différent, mais c'est super !

Pour les abonnés Amazon Prime c'est inclus, ou bien Prime Video est gratos 30 jours (mais faut être disposé à laisser toutes vos informations de paiement.)

PixiePancake

4 days ago

The second you realize that you’ve worn the wrong outfit to the baby shower.

#Funny #Fun #Humor #LOL #Humour #Fashion

Jared Leto at a celebrity event wearing a full length, red, robe/dress that is draped in strings of crystals and hanging jeweled pendants, and he is carrying a realistic replica of his own severed human head.

PixiePancake

4 days ago

What makes you think that I’m an introvert?

#Funny #Fun #LOL #Humor #Humour #Dog #Dogs #Introvert

A dog inside a large, soft shirt that swamps him. Only his snout is visible sticking out of a sleeve.,

the trouble with mia :baner:🐝

5 days ago

Very British Signage - The Underground
#London #Humour #Wasps #Ghosts #Zombies

Sign on the wall of a London Underground station.
Emergency Stairs
Only use in case of fire, ghosts, wasps, biblical floods, zombie attacks or Piers Morgan.

the trouble with mia :baner:🐝

5 days ago

Ever had one of those "I just cannot be arsed" days at work? Are you a BBC subtitler?
#Humour #Teletubbies #Subtitles #NoContextBrits

Picture of two teletubbies going to bed. One is lying down with eyes closed, another is waving to the first one to say goodnight. Subtitle reads "night night Dipshit" (one of the Teletubbies is called Dipsy)

the trouble with mia :baner:🐝

5 days ago

Paul's become disconnected from the natural world.
#Purrsday #Humour #CatsOfMastodon #Badger

Handmade notice with a picture of a badger. Heading reads: CAT FOUND
Beneath the photo are the following points:
black with white patches
very aggressive (I think he is scared)
not house trained
no collar or name tag
found in my back garden
If this is your cat please call paul on ...

THE GLORIOUS MUSE OF CRANKINESS, Samantha Irby, is back with a collection of pieces that range from grumpy hilarity at the pitfalls of middle age to some raw, bittersweet looks at her complicated family. Cathartic, relatable, funny as hell. B PLUS

https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/690138/quietly-hostile-by-samantha-irby/

@bookstodon
#Books #book #bookreview #bookreviews #essay #essays #Humor #humour #nonfiction #genx