Masthash

#humour

PointOfNo
2 hours ago

...to the end of love
#catsofmastodon #cats #Humor #humour #Cats

Scene from Titanic.  Jack is in the water, holding onto the edge of the wooden board where Rose is laying down. There are two cats on the board looking at Jack.
Text: I'm sorry, Jack,  there's not enough room.
Absolute Memery 🎭
5 hours ago
PixiePancake
7 hours ago
Dad hilariously laments having kids.
PixiePancake
7 hours ago

He’s not feline it.

#Humot #Funny #Lol #Fun #Humour #Cat #Cats

Husband says no room for more cats. Wife adds 6 circles to cat pic.
Absolute Memery 🎭
9 hours ago

All I want for 🎄#Christmas is… 🎄#Christmas.

#Meme #Memes #Humour #Humor

Gaël M
12 hours ago

Fatima Ouassak invitée dans le show de Swann Perissé. #EcologiePirate #humour

not bad
Absolute Memery 🎭
13 hours ago

Wait, you all think he is a bad guy?
#VladTheImpaler #VladTepes 🇷🇴#Romania 🇷🇴#Romania‎n 🇷🇴#Romania‎ns.

#Meme #Memes #Humour #Humor

Cyb3ric 🇧🇪
15 hours ago

Cette propriété vaut des milliards!

#Trump #Humour

Dessin de Trump en prison, disant à un rat près de lui « Cette propriété vaut des milliards »
Absolute Memery 🎭
17 hours ago

Wake up - done!

#Meme #Memes #Humour #Humor

Narayoni
23 hours ago

The "biscuit" joke from So Long and Thanks for all the Fish by Douglas Adams is now one of my favourite jokes from the series

@bookstodon @bookstadon #solongandthanksforallthefish #douglasadams #books #reading #comedy #jokes #scifi #sciencefiction #comicscifi #humour

1/3 "‘He did this. He leaned across the table, picked up the packet of biscuits, tore it open, took one out, and . . .’
‘What?’
‘Ate it.’
‘What?’
‘He ate it.’
Fenchurch looked at him in astonishment. ‘What on earth did you do?’
‘Well, in the circumstances I did what any red-blooded Englishman would do. I was compelled,’ said Arthur, ‘to ignore it.’"
2/3 "‘I went into the breach again. I took,’ said Arthur, ‘another biscuit. And for an instant our eyes met.’
‘Like this?’
‘Yes, well, no, not quite like that. But they met. Just for an instant. And we both looked away. But I am here to tell you,’ said Arthur, ‘that there was a little electricity in the air. There was a little tension building up over the table. At about this time.’
‘I can imagine.’
‘We went through the whole packet like this. Him, me, him, me . . .’"
3/3 "‘There is that. So. When the empty packet was lying dead between us the man at last got up, having done his worst, and left. I heaved a sigh of relief, of course. As it happened, my train was announced a moment or two later, so I finished my coffee, stood up, picked up the newspaper, and underneath the newspaper . . .’
‘Yes?’
‘Were my biscuits.’
‘What?’ said Fenchurch. ‘What?’
‘True.’"--extracts from So Long and Thanks for all the Fish by Douglas Adams (The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy series).
Absolute Memery 🎭
1 day ago

You don't even need toilet paper! #EcoFriendly.

#Meme #Memes #Humour #Humor

Here's my Random Words Generator limerick for my latest Limerick-Off Contest. You can find info about the Random Words (as well as the other two limerick challenges in this contest) at the primary Limerick-Off entry link:
http://www.madkane.com/humor_blog/2023/11/11/limerick-off-monday-catch/

@penprompts
#Limericks #Poetry #Humor #Humour #LimerickContest #PoetryContest

“This table is sticky. Please clean it,”      
Said a restaurant patron. “l mean it!”      
“I’ll be glad to,” the server        
Replied with great fervor.      
“But I can’t find my rag. Have you seen it?  
   
Madeleine Begun Kane MadKane.com
Absolute Memery 🎭
1 day ago

The anatomy of a vacuum cleaner.

#Meme #Memes #Humour #Humor

Mark A. Rayner
1 day ago

#caturday evening plans -- wine and shouting!

#cat #cats #catstodon #catsofmastodon #humor #humour

little white and orange tabby sitting at a table with its mouth open, with a glass of wine in front of it
PixiePancake
1 day ago

When you finally realize that life is a simulation and that you’ve been having technical difficulties.

#Humor #Funny #Lol #Fun #Humour #Cat #Cats

A cat looks pixelated standing behind multi-square beveled glass.
PixiePancake
1 day ago

I wish I had a bigger baster.

#Humor #Funny #Lol #Fun #Humour #Wish

A man regrets wasting 1 of 3  wishes on a giant 6 ft. chicken.
Absolute Memery 🎭
1 day ago

OMG #IT'S A DOGGY.

#Meme #Memes #Humour #Humor

Lightning Duck
1 day ago
Steve Goodier 🐢
1 day ago

Would you like this as a daily text? Text JOIN to (970) 696-7814.

#quote #quotes #funny #humor #humour

Meme: To vacillate or not to vacillate, that is the question...or is it?

@sebsauvage Et du coup, c'est raccord si ici on t'accueille avec un "Salut bouffon" 😂 #Humour !

Nan mais Twitter... C'est les chiottes que tu as beau récurer à l'acide, les tâches marrons ne partent pas... 🙄

Absolute Memery 🎭
2 days ago
Craig G
2 days ago

How cold was it this morning? I had to use my B&Q discount card to scrape the ice off my windscreen. Didn't work though, only got 10% off.

#DadJokes #Humour

Joanne Fisher
2 days ago
A door with a sign:

THE SPIDER 
INFESTATION
PROBLEM IS 
MOSTLY 
RESOLVED
Stuart Longland (VK4MSL)
2 days ago

Elon: Yes, no, no, right. Yes. No. Absolutely so. No, no, totally. So, no, no, so. Actually what this advertising boycott is going to do, it’s going to kill the company.

Reminds me of this bloke (image source: https://www.deviantart.com/beanzie01/art/Jim-Trott-Demotivator-251331868)… #humour #ElonMusk #Twitter #X #VicarOfDibley

Photo of the Vicar of Dibley character "Jim Trott"

JIM TROTT
They tried to make him go to rehab, but he said "No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Oh alright then!"
Mark A. Rayner
2 days ago
Old distressed wooden sign that says: Danger. Ninjas and pirates and lasers and shit
Uraael
2 days ago

Reason No #39087 why the universe celebrates my not having children: I would ABSOLUTELY have shown this to my daughter coming into her womanhood.

Poor little Megatron Thundercracker would have been so upset with me, bless her.

(PS: I didn't get this at first because, you know, MAN but one slide poses the question, the next slide gives you the answer
👍)

#TheOnion #Humour #Childless #GynaecologyForWomen

PixiePancake
2 days ago
She says: I broke my leg in 3 places. He says: Don’t go those places.
PixiePancake
2 days ago

When the changing seasons cease to be magical.

#Humor #Funny #Lol #Fun #Humour #Birds #Bird

A pidgin is hit smack in the face with a large autumn leaf.
Colin_6
2 days ago
Mark A. Rayner
2 days ago

Little-known fact: corvids are better writing assistants than monkeys.

#crow #crows #raven #ravens #corvid #corvids #writing #writingcommunity #book #books #humor #humour #typewriters

two black crows pecking at a typewriter -- one at the keys and one at the paper -- an old black and white photo from LIFE
Guillaume Chocteau
3 days ago

A tous mes ami.e.s géographes...

#géographe #humour #niort

Caron
3 days ago
PixiePancake
3 days ago

Cooking a holiday dinner brings you joy.

#Humor #Funny #Lol #Fun #Humour

Woman lying on the kitchen floor after a holiday cooking disaster.
PixiePancake
3 days ago

Cats are so low maintenance.

#Humor #Lol #Funny #Humour #Fun #Cat #Cats

Cat who saw kids on rocking horse meows until you rock her.
VladlenO 🐳💨
3 days ago

Моя реакция в паблике знакомств когда появляется анкета "идентифицирующей себя как женщина"

#lgbt #lgbtq #lgbtqi #lgbtqiacommunity #lgbtqia #Russia #ЛГБТ #лгбтспіваки  #LGBTQ2S #lgbtiaq #видео #video #humour #юмор #знакомства #транс #ГендерныеВопросы #женщина #мужчина #lgbtqb

Mark A. Rayner
3 days ago

My last post about this for a while, promise! The sale on the ebook ends tonight and won't return for a year.

$3.99US ($6 off)

Hilarious, deep and darkly comic. Max Tundra must find a way to work with his annoying doppelgängers, so they can save the multiverse from certain extinction.

Amazon: https://geni.us/AlphaMax
Others: https://books2read.com/u/m0olnY

#sciencefiction #humor #humour #SFF #multiverse #existentialism #consciousness #quantum #alternate #book #books #bookstodon #ebook #ebooks

cover of alpha max by Mark A. Rayner -- teal background with the title character's head sliced into four pieces, there are stars and galaxies inside
Mark A. Rayner
3 days ago

Sir David Attenboroug narrates:

One of the pupae begins to hatch. Out of it comes ... yes ... an IT worker. Soon it will crawl out of its cyber-cocoon, and it will join the other IT workers, glistening under the fluorescent lights; the IT workers will 'help' the lesser drones by making them feel first ignored, and then, incredibly stupid.

#IT #ITworker #humor #humour #davidattenborough #nature #officework #satire

a man with glasses lying in a mess of wires like it's a hammock, as it hangs from the ceiling in an office building

Why does this thing exist? (Podcast)

Episode 73: “The imaginative world of twins”

An episode with a creepier twist this week, as our heroes Dean and Simon explore inappropriate children's books, sinister restaurant themes, and appendages that should not be

https://shows.acast.com/why-does-this-thing-exist-podcast/episodes/episode-73-the-imaginative-world-of-twins

#Podcast #Humour #Funny #Illustrations #Twins

Joanne Fisher
4 days ago
Medieval illustrationof a person armed with a crossbow aimed at an elephant which has a fortification on it populated with soldiers.  Both the person with the crossbow and the elephant are standing on a blue line. 

Caption: Geraldine had finally had enough of elephants using her clothesline as a shortcut.
PixiePancake
4 days ago

It’s definitely not the living room lamp.

#Humor #Funny #Lol #Humour #Fun #Cat #Dog #Cats #Dogs

A dog and cat look suspiciously guilty. Not sure what they broke yet
PixiePancake
4 days ago

So maybe ham for Christmas.

#Humor #Funny #Lol #Fun #Humour #Christmas

A small turkey with a $6,849.93 price tag
Absolute Memery 🎭
5 days ago

when the email #anxiety kicks in.

#Meme #Memes #Humour #Humor

Lightning Duck
5 days ago

Free Advice...worth every penny

#Humour #Humor #Inspiration #Advice

If your problem can't be solved by me saying "damn” and nodding a lot, then you shouldn't come to me for help.
Mark A. Rayner
6 days ago

How I plan to get through Monday morning.

#monday #coffee #heart #humor #humour

representation of a human heart, but made out of coffee beans, coffee pots and coffee cups
Pierre
1 week ago

"PHD (profession hautement dangereuse)" est un petit jeu de société où on joue des doctorant-e-s qui doivent terminer leur thèse. En financement participatif sur Ulule pendant les 5 prochains jours. Ça a l'air amusant.
https://fr.ulule.com/phd_jeu/
#jeu #jeux #thèse #doctorat #cartes #humour #Ulule #FinancementParticipatif

Mark A. Rayner
1 week ago

Sniffing out this whole Sunday thing.

#dog #dogs #dogstodon #dogsofmastodon #humor #humour #SundayFunday

a red fence with seven dog snouts sticking through it
PixiePancake
1 week ago

There is zero immunity.

#Humor #Funny #Lol #Fun #Humour #Cat #Cats

Adorable kittens in knit, spiked, virus hats.
PixiePancake
1 week ago
Dad asks why child didn’t smile in school pic. Child asks for Dad’s work ID.
Mark A. Rayner
2 weeks ago

On sale for $3.99US (list price is $9.99US)

Teresa gave Alpha Max five stars too:

"Without spoiling anything, I will say that all things are possible when you’re tripping through the multi-verse. I thoroughly enjoyed the story and recommend it to everyone. There were several times when I didn’t know how the story could continue, but it did, to my delight! The ending was extremely satisfying!"

Amazon: https://geni.us/AlphaMax
Others: https://books2read.com/u/m0olnY

#sciencefiction #humor #humour

cover of alpha max by Mark A. Rayner -- teal background with the title character's head sliced into four pieces, there are stars and galaxies inside
PixiePancake
2 weeks ago

OMG. Teenagers are rising up.

#Humor #Funny #Lol #Fun #Humour

CVS photo print ad: Turn every mom into a memory.
Dianora
2 weeks ago

Secret for Americans. Poutine is also known as heart attack in a bowl up here.

#Ottawa #Humour

Mark A. Rayner
2 weeks ago
white sign with red lettering that says: Library Parking Only. Violators will be held in low esteem
et cetera
2 weeks ago

Savoureuse blague au sujet du Management par Indicateurs de Performance Quantitatifs .😹

#Management_Tools #management #humanresources #HR #entreprise #humour #joke

Blague sur le management par Indicateurs de performance quantitatifs
Global Museum
2 weeks ago

Museum architecture springs to mind!
#architecture #museums #humour #humor

S. K. Riley
2 weeks ago

Marking 1 year anniversary on Mastodon.

A haven of science, humour, beauty and kindness…
with a sprinkle of magical weirdness. 🎉

Making the world a better place because you’re in it!
Thank you.

From my first post:
“Dreaming a new world into being… along with millions of others.
Enjoy the ride!”

#Mastodon #Anniversary #Science #Beauty #Humour #Kindness

A huge elephant-like prehistoric mammal with enormous tusks parades through a vivid green landscape filled with strange trees and flowers. Image: Mastodon, Wikimedia Commons.
PixiePancake
2 weeks ago

Someday this will be hilarious.

#Humor #Funny #Lol #Fun #Humour

Patient texts peepee poopoo to auto confirmation. Not automated.