EH Lupton
2 hours ago

5yo: Hey Dad, want to hear a joke?
5yo: Where do cows go on Saturday night?
Husband: Where?
5yo: To the moooooovies.
2yo: (quietly, to self) mooovies.

(And then repeat five times today.)


When you are an RPG player and a parent and need to maneuver between bedtime story and that Baphomet session you scheduled with friends.


Andres Salomon
9 hours ago

So we're walking in the Greenwich Village, & we pass a smoke shop with a bunch of clear glass bongs in the window display.

The 6yo stops and runs up to the window, points excitedly to the glassware and says, "Is this what mommy buys??"

I'm very confused, and I'm like, "Huh? Why would mommy buy those?" [Weed gives her a headache]

6yo says, "Because she's a #scientist!"

She thought they were test tubes & graduated cylinders. 😂


9 hours ago

A question to the PKU community:

What would you say to parents who have just discovered that their child has PKU?

#pku #phenylketonuria #parenting #parents #lowprotein #metabolic #phenylcetonurie #phenylalanine

Simon Boyne
10 hours ago

I feel I turn into Mrs Doyle at the babies bed time.

'Would you like a wee drop of milk? Ah gwan. Gwan, gwan, gwan... Fine suit yourselves '

15 minutes later. Babies :' how about that milk? '

#MastoDaoine #parenting

M. Fioretti
10 hours ago

Swaddling is the practice to wrap infants in tightly restricting blankets that started in the Neolithic Age.

#SocialMedia has swaddled #children
in a dangerous way, just 400 times faster.

It's high time #parents fix end THAT swaddling in the ONLY way that could ever work in the real world.

#parenting #digitalNatives

Today my #actuallyautistic son received the principal's award for academic excellence (all As for 2 years straight) in a gifted magnet program. 4 years ago we were being threatened with being kicked out of school. 10 years ago I was wondering if he would ever be interested in anything besides numbers (which he still loves). #ASD #success #happychild #parenting

EH Lupton
14 hours ago

Parks and Rec lady: What am I supposed to do with my children [during the summer]? Keep them in my home? Where I live?

Me when I first saw this 7(?) years ago: haha

Me now, with two kids: ...shit.


15 hours ago

- Gurlz -

i’m looking all over for my
in the morning and found

she asked for the barbie
styling head and i said

i’m so dang proud of her


a used up roll of painter’s tape. the outer cardboard side has a full face of real make-up on. lipstick, blush, long eyelashes and eyeshadow. 🤣
The Unbothered Father
15 hours ago

How do you have the conversation about a loved one's death with a young child? I partnered with a pediatric crisis counselor to write a comprehensive guide:

#parenting #kids #grief #parents #loss #dadstodon #parenthood

16 hours ago

Tfw you are having a loft conversion done, and dreaming of sleeping in the loft, because finally the kids won’t wake you up on Saturday mornings when they play downstairs

Only to be woken up at 5am every morning after moving upstairs by some birds, squirrels, or whatever playing catch on the roof above 😩

#FirstWorldProblems #parenting

John Ager
20 hours ago

Only two children to get ready for school this morning and I'm in a positive Zen-like state. Two are so much easier than three! 🤣 #Parenting

Knee Neart
1 day ago

Kiddo's seen #Frozen. Officially hooked. She is Elsa.
I am Elsa.
Those paradise ducks are Elsa.
The honking noise those paradise ducks are making is Elsa.


Courtney Cantrell
1 day ago

10yo did not feel great today. I think it's either allergies or a cold. When I asked her to describe specifically how she felt so that I would know what kind of medication (if any,) to give her, she had this to say:

"When I stand up, it feels like my stomach is pouring out of my belly button."

I do not know how to medicate that.


Franklin López
1 day ago

Looking for interesting sites for long reads. Not just #anarchy, but #film, #culture, #art, #music, #parenting, #tech, or #weirdassshit

#Push for #inclusive #parenting #law in #Massachusetts, as #families seeking #assistedreproduction in the state ‘live in fear' of losing their kids.

Massachusetts is the leading state for assisted reproduction in the country, but #legal #experts say the #relationship between those #parents and their #children is not #codified into #law

#Women #Transgender #LGBTQ #LGBTQIA #Massachusetts #Family #Relationships #Surrogacy

1 day ago

It is a special day when you first introduce your child to the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

#pastafarianism #flyingspaghettimonster #parenting #dadlife

Chris Hallbeck
1 day ago
[a child gives their parent a wrapped gift]

Child: Happy birthday! 
Parent: Thank you! 

Child: I made it at school. I painted it your fav- (the parent opens the box to find a broken ceramic bowl)
Parent: Oh.

Child: Oh no! It must have broke when I dropped the box on the bus. 
Parent: This is perfect. You know how much I love puzzles.
M. Fioretti
2 days ago

Hello all

since there is a very small, but greater than zero probability that this post of mine may save some baby, some day...

thanks in advance for reading and sharing this rant against stupid baby car seat alarms as much as you see fit:

#parenting #safety

2 days ago


Today my oldest officially graduates 8th grade.

Where does the time go? When did I become a person who said things like that? Oh, when I became a parent. That's right.

Anyway, happy Thursday.

🏷 Tags: #Parenting #MorningMoments

Pagina de Psihologie
2 days ago

Pacea lumii începe de acasă, spune Julie Gottman, coautoarea cărții #Parenting.

Yann Büchau :python:
2 days ago

Damn, baby teeth are unexpextedly sharp, outch! 😅 👶 🦷

#parenting #PapaSein

#dreamt my partner wanted to be a surrogate for someone and I was like "stupid idea and whatever they pay you I want half or I'm out."

I'm so fully disgusted and morally opposed to human breeding I want to wake them up and make sure we're still on the same page.

#dream #dreamed #parenting

My 4yo learned the continents today in the form of a song. These are her misheard lyrics:
“Orphan-side America” = North and South America
“It’s hard to call Europe” = Antarctica and Europe

Ben Lopatin
2 days ago

It's kind of funny how parents will devote hundreds of hours and thousands of dollars on kids sports, that the same kids will most likely *forever* give up playing after high school, but somehow studying art or music or foreign languages is a waste of time without any payoff.

Just your #parenting thought of the day.

Texas Observer Lives!
2 days ago

Today is the all-hands meeting for our staff. We are having a little baby shower for @gusbova and sharing some of our favorite children's books (the ones which haven't gotten problematic). @justinmiller got this adorable onesie printed. #TexasNeedsAnObserver #JournoLife #parenting

Gus is wearing a N95 mask and posing in front a Texas Observer backdrop. He's holding up a Onesie that reads, "I saved the Texas Observer and all I got was this stupid onesie."
Simon Boyne
2 days ago

Oh mathematians will wax lyrical about the Grand Hotel but no one talks about the soother in the cot problem.

If you put infinite number of soothers in a cot how come they are all on the floor by morning?

#Maths #parenting

Colorado Authors League
3 days ago

Tez Brooks offers authentic down-to-earth wisdom from one dad to another in The Single Dad Detour.
#nonfiction #parenting #books #promo

Book cover with a man pushing a tiny kid's car.
Yai Torres
3 days ago

How it started:

I high-fived my 4yo daughter before leaving her at her pre-k classroom

How it ended:

I ended up creating a high-five line and almost high-fived her entire classroom.

Today is going to be a great day.

#GoodMorning #Parenting

3 days ago

A few years ago, before The Teenager was a teenager, they were getting bored with a piece they had to practice on the guitar.

As some weird form of motivation we recorded them playing & I promised I'd make an animation for it while they practiced.

This is the result, recently rediscovered.

It's kind of cute.

#silly #animation #guitar #parenting #music

A teal background with pale clouds moving across. A black scribbled platform. Three simple black and white cartoon characters, simple shapes with arms and legs. The soundtrack is a young person practicing a guitar piece. With each note the a character opens its mouth. Occasionally other characters drop down on their heads to accentuate notes, other large ones poke into the foreground (and the three main ones try to peer round to stay in shot).
M. Fioretti
3 days ago

Forcing, or even encouraging everybody to work full time makes #parenting way harder (also for the kids) than it should be, not to mention that full employment is physically impossible in this age anyway. Therefore...

3 days ago

Today our air quality index was off the charts for the first time within my lifetime, my entrance to the 174 was closed, I discovered I forgot to grade four quizzes last night, I struggled with the photocopier, was late to a staff meeting, and also had no evening break what with my daughter invited to a birthday. At least my wife wasn't in hospital as she was four days ago.

June isn't even a week old, with exams still to come, what the hell. #Parenting #Teaching

3 days ago

Children will rebel;
the Illusion of Control:
Parental Fight Club.

#Haiku #Parenthood #Children #Family #Teenager #Parenting #ParentalFightClub #Haikoot #Stress #Childrearing

EH Lupton
3 days ago

Art from the 5yo, found on the front seat in my car.


A vaguely head and neck shaped piece of paper with a wide mouth and empty eyes with big eye lashes.
3 days ago

The 5yo is convinced the “Despicable Me” song my Pharrell Williams has the following couplet:

🎶I’m having a bad bad day🎶
🎶If you take a crescent roll, that’s okay

And now I hear it too. And, dear reader, you might now as well.

#spreadTheConfusion #Parenting

Michael Cervieri
3 days ago

one of my favorite things to do this time of year is heading into the garden after dinner with my daughters to get dessert.

they're voracious.

@plants #gardening #strawberries #parenting

A photo of a ripe red strawberry growing in our garden.
3 days ago

It’s strange being in my childhood home again. Recovering from the angiogram under the care of my parents while my wife returns to work.

There are so many traumatic childhood memories buried in these walls. It’s hard to feel safe here.

Yet the love and care they now provide for my child, their grand child, contradicts everything I know about my parents. It’s surreal watching them laugh and play. Like a real life mind-f%ck.

#parenting #adulting #aging #mentalhealth

Christopher Mims
3 days ago

how my kids will remember me during all their most formative moments

#Apple #VisionPro #parenting

a smiling bearded dad wearing what appears to be ski goggles as he gazes lovingly at his young daughter. He's using Apple's new Vision Pro goggles to capture a moment in 3D, like we all will, someday.
3 days ago

Tales of listening to #KPop with my kids:
Artist: aespa
Song: I'm Unhappy
Location: Driving in the car with my my youngest (MDMRN Twin 2)


-- Me and MDMRN Twin 2 just having a normal conversation while driving when suddenly... --

MT2: I'm unhappy
Me: Oh no, are you okay? Do we need to head home?
MT2: No, that's the song. I'm listening to it.
Me: Oh
MT2: Please play it again so I can hear the whole thing.

Tags: @kpop #Parenting #Music #ImUnhappy #aespa #에스파 #MyWorld

SinclairLewis [Minnesota]
4 days ago

Today’s VentTalk™️ is about Decision Fatigue. Three adults who are moving from a large family home into three small 900 square foot apartments have to make a decision about every single item. Should we:

-give it to one of us
-do we move it
-do we store it
-do we sell it
-do we donate it
-should we throw it

#VentTalk #DownSizing #moving #parenting #children #MNastodon #Minnesota

4 days ago

Microsoft was found to have illegally collected data on children who had started Xbox accounts.
Among other violations, the FTC found that Microsoft failed to inform parents about its data collection policies.
The FTC said Microsoft violated the Children's Online Privacy Protection Act by not properly getting parental consent and by retaining personal data on children under 13 for longer than necessary for accounts created before 2021.
#Privacy #Children #Parenting #Xbox

Chris Hardie
4 days ago

Excited to read Growing Up Powerful with my daughter. Appears to cover so much about girlhood from life/emotional/physical changes to media literacy to bullying/friendships and more. #books #parenting #empowerment #growinguppowerful

Photo of cover of the book Growing Up Powerful showing illustrations of three young people in various power poses. “A guide to keeping confident when your body is changing, your mind is racing, and the world is…complicated” subtitle.
Photo of a table of contents of Growing Up Powerful, including “my brain is powerful” and “my body is strong”
Dahlia 🪷
4 days ago

Grief. Is this what kids’ birthday parties are like now? Why are parents attending? I used to go to parties and my parents would just drop me off and it was always just one set of parents (although I get that’s overwhelming). We’ve never thrown a party for my girl, instead made a family outing to water parks for the last 3yrs. This time we’re going camping ⛺️ Social media definitely can be a curse. #parenting

4 days ago

I knew that part of #parenting was to talk about your baby's poop a lot.

But nobody prepared me to have tons of poop pictures on my phone 😅

Can't wait to get "smart" remember this pic of poop from two years ago notifications 😄

Caleb Hearth :d6:
4 days ago

“Pregnancy apps can do better for those who have experienced miscarriages, terminations, and child death.”

#pregnancy #tracking #privacy
#design #parenting

4 days ago

Sometimes you have to drop and pick up a kid at a place but driving home leaves little time before you have to return. What the shortest time you would spend at home instead of just staying at the dropoff place? #kids #parenting

Ben Werdmuller
5 days ago

I updated our baby stack. Here's the hardware and software we use to care for our nine month old. #parenting #baby

Ji Fu
5 days ago
In addition to #unschooling Mrs. FU is a big a proponent of #coSleeping. This has probably been the biggest issue in our #marriage. It has been more than 10 years since I've been able to share a bed with #mywife. How do I get my bed back? #parenting #relatinoships
5 days ago

"More than 70% of transmissions in households with adults and children were from a pediatric index case, but this percentage fluctuated weekly," the study authors wrote. "Once US schools reopened in fall 2020, children contributed more to inferred within-household transmission when they were in school, and less during summer and winter breaks, a pattern consistent for 2 consecutive school years."

#Covid19 #Covid #Parenting #MaskUp #SchoolSafety #CovidIsNotOver #Schools

5 days ago

"I’m at the booth run by the Mama Bears, a nationwide group of #parents of #LGBTQ kids. They stand outside the booth in rainbow tutus, fanny packs, practical sunhats and “Free Mom Hugs” shirts. A group of kids walk by and giggle, then one ducks shyly into a hug, and finally all the kids are hugging a mom, as the moms whisper into their ears (“You are loved” or “We’re so glad you’re here”) until the kids walk away, dabbing at their glittery eye makeup."

#Parenting #USA

News headline and illustration with credit.

Headline: This Group Might Save Your LGBTQ Kid’s Life
How the Mama Bears, a nationwide network for parents of queer children, does the impossible: Change people’s minds.
By Britt Peterson
October 26, 2022 at 9:00 a.m. EDT

Illustration: A kid carrying a LGBTQ flag runs toward a woman who is holding her arms out toward the kid ready and willing to give the kid a hug.

Credit: (Luis Mendo for The Washington Post)
5 days ago

A little #genderEuphoria to start the day:

Dropping 5yo at first day of summer camp:

Camp Coordinator: Just sign here, Ma’am, oh sorry Sir. Is it Ma’am? Or… ?

Me: who even knows? Feel free to pick one, or to switch as needed.

Camp Coordinator: What does it even matter any more? Maybe we can all be past all this one day. I like your hair.

#parentingWhileTrans #parentingWhileGenderQueer #parenting #transJoy @transjoy

5 days ago

#parenting while sick is the worst. You want to be there as a high energy parent, particularly not to model just watching TV all day, but when are hacking up a lung, playing outside is tough.

Best compromise I’ve found is just going for a walk.

5 days ago

New video out, today we're talking about why kids shouldn't use social media!:



Support the Channel Through Patreon:

Make a One Off Ko-Fi Donation:

#socialmedia #parenting

No context post it note found in my house 😂
#parenting #yeet

Post it note reading;
yeet yeat yheat The 3 forms of Yeet

When you reach out in the group chat with some of your oldest #friends to vent about #parenting a stubbornly independent kid and they gently remind you to look in the mirror ❤️🤣

Andres Salomon
6 days ago

I don't know how many other parents do this, but we totally regift noisy/messy gifts that our children receive.

Yeah, that screaming battery-operated plastic parrot? Don't open that up, kid. It's going in the closet for the next birthday party you attend. 😂


Josh Carlson :qgis:
6 days ago

Had to get a doorknob child safety thing for the smallest one, who keeps unlocking the door and letting himself out into the front yard.

Y'all, these things have *placebo buttons* on them now, to "redirect the child's attention".

It feels delightfully manipulative.


Tyrone Slothrop
1 week ago

A while ago I was talking with my 13yo about #trans people and gender. After getting the basics out of the way, we quickly agreed that that having just the two traditional (western) genders doesn’t really help us to make sense of the world we see before us.

The kid just shrugged and said “well, everyone’s somewhere in between on most things, aren’t they?”

And that was that.

#pride #pridemonth #parenting #parents

Michael Haider
1 week ago

Good morning, #Mastodon! Today we start potty training our toddler. Please send thoughts, prayers, positive vibes, and whatever else my way as I try to get through this weekend 😂

#Saturday #Parenting

1 week ago

Quick, call the Pope! I've got a certifiable miracle on my hands. It's the #weekend and both children slept until 07:30 without issue. I'm now just slightly unnerved that they're planning something... #parenting

"If you break into a complete sweat loading the car and/or overhead storage compartment you spent a small fortune on because you thought it was kinda cool, well, that's a trip. If packing the car leads to a fight with your spouse about who has a better "system"... you, my friend, are going on a trip." #parenting

Ben Werdmuller
1 week ago

Just realized that I've done at least one video meeting today while literally being covered in oatmeal. #parenting #complexcarbs

Ashley Porciuncula
1 week ago

9yo has started responding to any request for chores / help / cleaning up after herself with an eye roll and, "It's not the most important thing in the world."

So... that's fun.

#parenting #kids

1 week ago

On pickup in the nursery the children were playing on the swings, and Child B (who can't swing themselves) was pushing a slightly older child and earnestly telling them to swing their legs "forward and back, forward and back" at the correct timings. A born #Manager #parenting

1 week ago

Having a 5y/o is just like having a shitty roommate.

Stomping in and out of rooms, leaving a mess wherever they go, occasional emotional outbursts.

#dadlife #parenting #adulting

Sherri W (SyntaxSeed)
1 week ago

Made a big #parenting change that has drastically improved my kids' senses of responsibility. And nearly eliminated the 'nagging' I was having to do constantly...

The new rule is, that they get zero screen time by default. None.

At the end of each day... if the house is tidy, their stuff is put away & homework done, & they did their chores without nagging & reminders, etc... then they earn tomorrow's screen time.

Oh boy has their motivation completely turned around. #Zelda may be a factor. 😆

Andres Salomon
1 week ago

The #6yo celebrating her birthday by dropping her dinner on the floor and acting like a complete asshole to her brother.



animated gif of a racoon wearing a birthday hat and a blue tshirt, sitting at a table and eating birthday cake
Michael Cervieri
1 week ago

i'm at a playground with my two daughters and we went to sit in a gazebo to get out of the sun.

where i see a pile of rocks, my daughters are very excited.

look at the *beautiful* rocks, they say. there are sparkly ones and spotted ones. someone made a decoration.

they're now busily augmenting the interior design with their own master strokes.

#kids #parenting #rocks

a pile of rocks among assorted pulled grass and weed on the wood floor of a gazebo.
The Conversation U.S.
1 week ago

From the milk crate challenge to the Tide pod challenge, social media challenges have grown ever more dangerous, leading to serious injuries and occasionally deaths.

Here’s some tips from clinical psychologists, including what you can do to protect kids from these trends:

#socialmedia #parenting

1 week ago

LIVE TONIGHT, at our house: World's Slowest Pea Eating Championship. Child B in the red corner made a good show, taking 20 minutes to eat their veg, on a promise of dessert. But the winner is child A, who took 30 minutes, with detours into detailed questions on the nature of clouds and the human cardiovascular system, with bonus material on which sauce bottle makes the funniest squirting noise! A true champion! #parenting

Mark Wyner :vm:
1 week ago

After my first son was born I was working at an alternative newspaper in AZ. Every Wednesday I drove to Phoenix to proof the press.

On those drives I listened to a lot of music. John Lennon’s song “Beautiful Boy (Darling Boy)” got a lot of spins. It felt really sentimental to me at the time. I would listen and reflect on raising him to be a good man.

This is a good parenting memory. And he turned out great, so, perhaps we did well.

#Parenting #JohnLennon #Music

1 week ago

Seeking #legal advice: My wife is away at a conference for a few days, and I'm at home looking after the children. This means it's lawful for me to eat her chocolate stash now, right? #parenting

Andres Salomon
1 week ago

I bought this for #soldering but it's 100% guaranteed to become a toy for my kids. I mean, *I* can't stop playing with it..


a kitchen table w/ white tablecloth. Laptop, mug, scissors, some opened grey plastic shipping bags, and next to those bags a bag of yellow connectors.

Above the shipping bags, a 3-armed tentacle monster hovers. The arms are blue with orange tips. The tips ("feet") are little metal clips for holding stuff like wires and connectors and solder. The "body" of the monster is a black clamp, meant for clamping onto a table or desk.
Same table & monster, but this time it's upside-down and clamped onto the back of a chair. The arms are coming together, with the clips more clearly visible; looking like a 3-armed Doctor Octopus or something.

@ottocrat Tag me in if you remember as I would have to buy one FOR MY SON #Parenting

Chris Kendall
1 week ago

@jfparis Apparently so. I shall run trials and share results once I’ve completed the build. #parenting

2 weeks ago

Child A to Child B after wildly waving a self built Lego vehicle around: "Sorry the car hit you, but the driver had pressed the crazy button. Look when he presses here it goes Woooarghhhhweeneuamwoosh!" #Parenting

Tyler Mumford
2 weeks ago

I have some tendencies that make #parenting small children harder. For example, when my kids ask, “can we do X?” my first instinct is to say, “Yeah, I bet we can! Let’s make it work!”

And then they expect me to make it work again and again, but I just wanted to prove that something was possible 😆

7YO: So how long have you been working, Mom?
ME: Uh, around 18 years, I think.
7YO: Wow. Doesn't that make you old?

Ay, grabe, TGIF. 😆 #parenting

Prof Kemi FG
2 weeks ago

There were 3 slices of cheesecake this morning. I started out by taking one, which meant there would be only 2 to be shared among the 3 children. I want you all to know that, as someone with a kind and loving heart, I took it upon myself to eat the last 2 slices, so that my darling children would not have to squabble and fight over them.

#parenting #NeedAMedal #FatherOfTheWeek #sacrifice #altruism

Scott Williams 🐧
2 weeks ago

I have to keep reminding myself that I won't *always* feel this exhausted all the time forever. #newborn #parenting

Chris Hallbeck
3 weeks ago
[a child is showing their drawing to their parent]

Child: Look at my drawing! 
Parent: Hey this is great! But why is the sun wearing sunglasses? Hmm? What is the sun shielding its eyes from? 

Child: You've got it backwards. The sun predates humans. It was wearing those glasses before we existed. We fashioned our glasses out of crude plastics in a cheap facsimile of the greatness that is the sun. We wish to be that cool but will never reach even a fraction of that potential.

[the child snatches the drawing out of the stunned parent’s hand]
3 weeks ago

When hanging laundry and having a cup of tea is considered a relaxing break.

Tell me you're a parent without telling me you're a parent. #parenting

I realized today that after working in several restaurants years ago and raising a kid who's now 16, there's NOTHING that can gross me out anymore. I've seen and smelled it all. If you want to desensitize yourself to gross stuff, do one or both of these things.

#parenting #kids #restaurants #FoodService #RestaurantJobs #GrossStuff #GrossJobs #desensitized #desensitization