Masthash

#puns

Dgar
2 hours ago

My deepest gratitude goes out to the #Mastodon community, a #community that has literally improved the quality of my time on this spinning rock as it hurtles through space, towards a future that seems more uncertain every day. It’s unlike any other “social media platform” here.

Today I will quietly celebrate the fact that over four thousand people have chosen to follow along, chuckle at the #puns, groan at the #dadjokes, and comment on my random musings.

Big shoutout to my #Dgarhead followers who are listening to and boosting my songs! You are truly amazing people and my heart feels like it’s going to explode from my chest when I think about the amazing support and love you have given me in your toots and comments.

The reception from everyone has been wonderful acceptance, and my entire experience here has been truly humbling.

Massive big huge love to you all, and as always,
#Follow
#Boost
#Love

Jon.

The Dgar Project.
☝️😁🤘

❤️🧡💛💚💙💜

Steve Griffin 〓〓
16 hours ago

Did you hear about the hippy who loved nature so much he married a river?

Mrs Hippy.

#Puns #DadJokes

Steve Griffin 〓〓
2 days ago

My wife said, "I can think of 14 reasons to leave you, plus your obsession with Tennis.

I replied, "That's 15 love."

#Puns #DadJokes

Jesse
2 days ago

My bf plays music with my high school English teacher and just got a blob of sourdough starter from him. Bf is insisting I give the starter an Existentialism-related name but stared at me blankly when I said "Albert Kamut"

#baking #Sourdough #pun #puns

D O N N Λ 
3 days ago

Why did the programmer quit his job? He didn't get arrays. 😂

#DadJokes #Funny #Puns

Fictionary
3 days ago

Hyperventilate
To use an excessively large and powerful fan to air out a very small space.

#Fictionary #Puns #BadPuns

Steve Griffin 〓〓
3 days ago

Puns on St Patrick's day don't just shame you...

They Seamus all!

#Puns #DadJokes

Dr. Tineke D'Haeseleer
3 days ago

You know, the hashtags on here are so much better than on the other place

Even if it took me a good minute to realize what #Macadamia was (not the nuts, though academia will drive you nuts much if the time these days). Then there is #Mosstodon and #Asstodon, also very clever ones.

What other puns in hashtag land am I missing or unaware of?

#puns #HashtagHumor

Catalyzed
3 days ago

" Introducing the 'fatigre' – a tiger in desperate need of a siesta! 🐯💤 Who knew big cats could get this tired? 😆 #Puns #TigerHumor "

#GeneratedwithAI

Skytis
4 days ago

What do you call it when a bear makes a mistake?
A bearror
#puns #DadJokes

pat radio
4 days ago

Me: "Somebody put on Tom Jones' Greatest Hits at the Senior Center gym today."

Wife: "That's not unusual."

#TomJones #Puns #Humor #TrueLove

Dgar
4 days ago

It’s #FollowFriday and I #FollowBack so #Follow me for a #FridayFollow this #Friday.

If you have an #introduction toot pinned on your #Mastodon profile that you’d like boosted, #comment “IntroBoost” below, and I’ll give you a #boost to help you connect with the community.

If you #FollowMe you can expect #DadJokes, bad #puns, and original #IndieMusic so I look forward to connecting with you, and connecting you to a wider #community.

🫶

A herd of American Mastodon by Roman Yevseyev.

When she's out during the day she has SUCH a long face!

#dadJoke #pun #dadJokes #puns #funWithLanguage

Joke meme featuring an illustration of a horse galloping on a black background ilt by a full moon.

The text reads: "My horse hates sunlight. She's such a night mare."
Steve Griffin 〓〓
4 days ago

Me: What do you know about atoms?

Son: Very little…

Me: besides that.

#Puns #DadJokes

Mac Knowles
5 days ago

* A Square Meal *
Leftover PF Chang chicken lo mein.
#puns #TastyPuns

A square plastic container, a square glop of lo mein on a round plate, a knife and fork.
Hovering behind are a beer and koozie, 2 coffee cups, coffee maker, and microwave.
Seems I was having a messy day.
OhSnap!Dragon
5 days ago

When I was younger, I decided that I wanted to become a Gregorian monk, but to be honest, I never really got the chants.
🤣
#DadJoke
#DadJokes
#puns

Paul Peace
6 days ago

Marine science question:
Do lobsters get crabs?

#jokes #ScienceJokes #Paulsjokes #Puns #Wordplay

Bryn :heart_cybre:
6 days ago

if your reaction to someone’s bad news accidentally reveals that you think it’s kinda funny…

is that a schadenfreudian slip?

~ My partner Morgan, everyone

#puns

Steve Griffin 〓〓
1 week ago

What do you call having too many dogs?
A roverdose.

#Puns #DadJokes

DennisL
1 week ago

Did you hear about the elephants who want a pay raise? They’re tired of working for peanuts. #puns #familyGuy

Brian
1 week ago

Years ago, I had the idea to create a single-panel #comic featuring floating heads with "Mittens for Hands" (the name I settled on).

I have zero artistic talent and must have been either clinically-bored or feverish at the time.

But I could only think of three mitten jokes... and they were all pretty bad.

So... here they are... enjoy (or don't). :D

#mittens #puns #comics

A black and white, single-panel comic (titled "Going Out") with two floating heads facing each other. Below each is a pair of mittens (apparently their hands). One has a string that ties the two mittens together.

One says to the other:

"Sorry I couldn't go out last night."

The other responds:

"No worries, your hands were tied."
A black and white, single-panel comic (titled "The Ball") with two floating heads facing each other. Below each is a pair of mittens (apparently their hands). The first one is putting up a sign that says "See the worlds largest ball of yarn!". The second is angrily saying "You're a monster!"
A black and white, single-panel comic (titled "Terminal") with two floating heads facing each other. Below each is a pair of mittens (apparently their hands). The one on the left appears to be a doctor, with a stethoscope, holding a folder. The second has a sad look on its face and is holding up its mittens, which are torn and damaged. The doctor is saying "Unfortunately, it's what we feared... moth infestation."

Sorry if urinalysis of my joke finds it lacking.

#dadJoke #pun #dadJokes #puns #funWithLanguage #originalJoke

A joke meme that reads "Peeing on an electric fence means urine charge." The word "urine" is used instead of the words "your in."

At the bottom is graphic of a section of electrified fence, with a warning sign affixed that reads "Caution: Bare Live Wires."
Brendan
1 week ago

🌈 Scientists have successfully weighed a rainbow. They found that it was pretty light. #punday #puns

Shinal
1 week ago

Dang, this meal really gnocchi’d me out

(Not a original unfortunately but I had to 😅)

#puns #badjokes #food #travel

BeePS
1 week ago

Nor'Easter: a severe storm that prevents Peter Cottontail from making a great many of his holiday rounds.
#Easter #PeterCottontail #EasterEggs #EasterBunny #NorEaster #meteorology #storms #puns

Peter Kisner
1 week ago

If it doesn't already exist, there should be an insect-oriented Mastodon server called Frass.todon

#Humor #Puns #ButForRealTho #Insecta #Insects

Steve Griffin 〓〓
1 week ago

Why did the chicken go to the gym?

To work on his pecks.

#Puns #DadJokes

OhSnap!Dragon
1 week ago

This girl at the grocery store said she recognized me from the vegan club. But I swear I've never met herbivore!
#DadJoke
#DadJokes
#puns

Skytis
2 weeks ago

There's a term for that moment when you're not yet entirely sure if you want to call something sus: Sus pending
#puns #DadJokes

OhSnap!Dragon
2 weeks ago

When I was younger, I had a photographic memory, but I never developed it.
📸
#DadJoke #dadjokes
#puns

OhSnap!Dragon
2 weeks ago

Be kind to your dentist because he has fillings, too.
#DadJoke
#DadJokes
#puns

Cartoon image of Hermie the elf from Rudolph the RTed-Nosed Reindeer, captioned I want to be a dentist!" signed Hermie
OhSnap!Dragon
2 weeks ago

I'm going to buy some velcro shoes instead of lace-ups. Why knot?
🤣
#DadJoke
#DadJokes
#puns

OhSnap!Dragon
2 weeks ago

When I asked my dog how his day was he said it was rough.
🐶
#DadJokes #puns

photo of large dog making funny face
Mark A. Rayner
2 weeks ago

I'm pleased to report this got a pretty good laugh from my undergrads during the lecture on color theory.

#rodstewart #colortheory #color #humor #humour #funny #pun #puns

side by side portraits of Rod Stewart, one in black and white and one in color. the black and white labelled "Rod Stewart" and the color labelled "Cone Stewart"
Steve Griffin 〓〓
2 weeks ago

My 3 favourite things are eating my family and not using commas.

#Puns #DadJokes

Steve Griffin 〓〓
2 weeks ago

No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.

#Puns #DadJokes

Brian
2 weeks ago

Not gonna lie, the #computer / #tech #puns in #Reboot still bring me joy.

#90s #cartoon #TV #animation

A seven second video clip from the animated TV series "Reboot". In it, a side character (a floating computer screen attached to the ceiling of a diner) says: "This is ridiculous! I'm a dedicated server, not a maid!"
Steve Griffin 〓〓
2 weeks ago

Chinese takeaway £27.50. Petrol to get there £3.25. Getting home and realising they didn’t give you one of the containers....

riceless.

#Puns #DadJokes

Averil
2 weeks ago

Cat x Literature #5
German Authors Edition 💙

Get them as stickers:
https://ko-fi.com/s/4952aa6e8a

Or mini prints:
https://ko-fi.com/s/0ae002220e

#MastoArt #Cats #Puns #MerchArtist #SmallBusiness

Cat scratching its chin while sitting on three books by authors Franz Catka, Hermann Hisse and Thomas Meow
Amy 🌸 🌻
2 weeks ago

I walked into a bar.

It really hurt my head.

#DadJokes #puns #joke

Steve Griffin 〓〓
2 weeks ago

A man just assaulted me with milk, cream and butter...

How dairy.

#Puns #DadJokes

Jon Kirkendall
2 weeks ago

I am draining homemade yogurt to make lebneh and my husband is letting the whey jokes fly.

He just brought me the bowl it's draining in and said, very solemnly, "This is the whey."

#Mandalorian #Puns #LebaneseFood

Averil
2 weeks ago

Cat x Literature #4
Gay Edition 🌈

Get them as stickers:

https://ko-fi.com/s/4952aa6e8a
Or mini prints:
https://ko-fi.com/s/0ae002220e

#MastoArt #Cats #Puns #MerchArtist #SmallBusiness #Pride

Cat laying on three books: Kitty of night, The Color Purrple, Meowrice
DennisL
3 weeks ago

I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me. #puns

3 weeks ago

#introduction - again

AKA
https://calckey.social/@Anthopogenesis
reddit.com/user/ProfessorGumby
https://social.stlouist.com/@ProfessorGumby

Not an actual professor

#Infosec engineer.
Former technical support engineer, SOC analyst, IT technician, factory worker, radio DJ, bartender, cook, truck driver. Middle aged liberal snowflake who believes in equal rights and fair treatment for everyone regardless of faith, gender, sexuality, culture, race, or ability. Sometimes toots overly personal stuff.
#SouthernIllinois #NoCo #STL #Florissant #StLouis #SciFi #Fantasy #Fiction #Agnostic #Skeptic #Depression #Anxiety #Puns
#BlackLivesMatter

I just set up this instance. I tried it yesterday and ran into all sorts of problems so I rebuilt the server and tried again using the "develop" branch. This seems to be better for now. I apologize to those who may have received multiple follow requests.

Averil
3 weeks ago

Cat x Literature #3
Please expand image to see very glorious puns!

Get them as stickers:
https://ko-fi.com/s/4952aa6e8a
Or mini prints:
https://ko-fi.com/s/0ae002220e

#MastoArt #Cats #Puns #MerchArtist #SmallBusiness

A white cat with orange and black spots lying on its back on three books: Of Mice And Men, To Kill A Mockingbird, Romeow & Juliet
Averil
3 weeks ago

Cat x Literature #2
Satanic Edition!

Get them as stickers:
https://ko-fi.com/s/4952aa6e8a
Or mini prints:
https://ko-fi.com/s/0ae002220e

#MastoArt #Cats #Puns #MerchArtist #SmallBusiness

Black cat with a judgemental looking face sitting on three books: The Catanic Bible, Purrcifer and Lords of Cattos
Steve Griffin 〓〓
3 weeks ago

Apparently, keeping tropical fish at home can have a calming effect on the brain...

Must be all the indoor fins.

#puns #dadjokes

Steve Griffin 〓〓
3 weeks ago

I've decided I want a pet termite. I'm going to call him Clint.

Clint Eatswood.

#puns #dadjokes

We're Not In Kansas Anymore
3 weeks ago

@jd

😂😂😂😂😂
#snow #humor #puns #wtf

FiXato
3 weeks ago

When you can't find your #cat, it might be using active catouflage.

#pun #puns #wordplay
#FiXatoPUNishes #FiXatoCreative

Steve Griffin 〓〓
3 weeks ago

Every morning when I get out of the house, a bike comes out of nowhere and runs me over...

It’s a vicious cycle.

#puns #dadjokes

Sarah Sammis
4 weeks ago

I'm having fun drawing this ridiculously intricate chickens. Here's my latest which took about seven hours to draw: "Fowl's Moving Castle"

Prints, mugs, etc, available here: https://sarah-sammis.pixels.com/featured/fowls-moving-castle-sarah-sammis.html

#art #MastoArt #FediArt #puns #ChickenArt #DigitalArt #2023AYearForArt #DailyArtChallenge

A gaudy, brightly colored castle shaped rooster mecha.
FiXato
4 weeks ago

Why call it a backstab, when you can call it buttrayal?

#FiXatoPUNishes #FiXatoCreative #FiXatoWrites #pun #puns #wordplay

Steve Griffin 〓〓
4 weeks ago

I woke up last night to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor standing at the foot of my bed.

At first I was afraid...then I was petrified.

#puns #dadjokes

Chuck Taggart, Private Eye
1 month ago

A guy in ancient Greece walks into a tailor shop with a pair of torn pants.

The tailor says, "Euripides?"

The guy says, "Yeah, Eumenides?"

#puns #horrific

(You're welcome.)

Steve Griffin 〓〓
1 month ago

What do conspiracy theorists and Excel have in common?

They spreadsheet.

#dadjokes #puns

Dgar
1 month ago

It’s #FollowFriday and I #FollowBack so #Follow me for a #FridayFollow this #Friday.

If you have an #introduction toot pinned on your profile that you’d like boosted, #comment “IntroBoost” below, and I’ll give you a #boost to help you connect with the community.

If you #FollowMe you can expect #DadJokes, bad #puns, and original #IndieMusic so I look forward to connecting with you, and connecting you to a wider #community.

🫶

Logan Five (aka John)
1 month ago

Add your own #puns !

Logan Five (aka John)
1 month ago

The Parrot Trap
#birdpuns #puns #jokes #games

Logan Five (aka John)
1 month ago

The Bird is the Word!
Make a MOVIE more AVIAN!

#puns #jokes #games

Billboard from the movie Grease but saying Geese and the two characters have geese faces.
Joe Greenheron
1 month ago

#introduction Hi I'm Joe!

I live on a 10 acre (4ha) #Farmstead on #WhidbeyIsland, USA where I keep #Goats and #Chickens.

I love to #Travel and learn #Languages. I'm learning how to be a #Foodie. I'm obsessed with #Music, especially weird #EDM, classical, and #BlackPink.

I proudly serve on the #SchoolBoard of the local school district and I'm passionate about #Equity and #SocialEmotionalLearning in public education.

I'm mostly here for #Cat pictures and #Puns.

I'm a #Reconstructionist Jew.

Sune Auken
1 month ago

I've yet to note on Mastodon that, contrary to popular belief, rock music is the most pietist genre ever.

There's a Highway to Hell, but only a Stairway to Heaven.

#Rock #Genre #Pietism #HighwayToHell #StairwayToHeaven #Puns

The pietist picture "Der breite und der schmale Weg" which on the left shows a broad road of temptations leading to death and damnation an on the right a narrow path leading to the celestial city.
My Modern Met
1 month ago
“You’re all I knead” punny Valentine’s Day card featuring two illustrated cats. One cute gray cat is massaging (or kneading) a calico cat.
“I heart you to bits” punny Valentine’s Day card shaped like a retro Nintendo game cartridge. Features pixelated, 8-bit Link and Zelda with a red heart above them.
Karen E. Lund 💙💛
2 months ago

@QasimRashid My idea for a plot: The killer puts poison in his victims' oatmeal. He's a cereal killer.

#Puns

Mx. Kat Terban, MSc
2 months ago

Been here a little while, though I haven’t yet sunk into the universe until I got all pruney. These here #introduction toots will maybe clear up my intentions.

Hello all! Glad to be here. I’m a #UnionStrong #PublicServant who #writes #poetry. I’m hoping to find community with people who enjoy #books #reading #StarTrek #Proprioception #DoctorWho #sushi #cheese #puns #ActionMovies #mythology #tangents #SFF #science #art #history

Pwn Toney 🎹🎤
2 months ago

Time for a legitimate #Introduction

I am @pwn_toney aka Kielen (key-len). I'm operating on a personal instance & I should intro for people I've met since migrating

Me: peripatetic creator, #musician, aspiring game #composer, masters candidate, children's book author, husband, dad, #SciFi enthusiast, #gamer, occasional #streamer, #introvert, #ADHD, recovering Pistons fan, & habitual under-sleeper... #GenX, 1st #HipHop gen.,
#BlackTwitter transplant

#Farscape #DadJokes & #Puns make us friends!

hollie
2 months ago

Made terrible dental pun to friend who just found out their year will be filled with a series of procedures to deal with a rebellious tooth. Then, sincerely, I said, "I'm so sorry, my brain just does that."

She laughed and said, "No, keep it up, you have to keep me laughing through the entire year, that's your new goal." A year's worth of dental puns? HOLD MY BEER

If you have any ideas, feel free to share, I want to get a list going, you know the drill HAHAHA (like that but better). #puns

Hannah Weinberger
2 months ago

Persuaded a bunch of people to join my Cult of Electric Stoves and leave their gas ranges behind, we just had the welcome celebration.

Hell of an Induction ceremony.

#gas #gasstove #gasrange #electricstove #sustainability #energytransition #puns #dadjokes #induction #cooking

Rev. GothAlice
2 months ago

@cmconseils See… this is part of why content warnings exist as a feature. You know what you did @donmelton… 🤪

I've been exposed to more #puns and #dadjokes since migrating over than in the years leading up to the migration. It's hilarious. And painful. And punishable by the slaw.

Cole's law.
Finely shredded cabbage.

I need to stop using that one, but I've also recently used my "H₂O₂" bad chemistry homicide joke.

I need more bad jokes.
Wait. Waitwaitwait… nuuuu~

CliffChapman
2 months ago

Take a book, movie or TV show and replace one word with "wank": eg Raiders of the Lost Wank

#WankMovies #Puns #WordGames #ReplaceOneWord

Don Watkins
2 months ago

3,027 years from today, life will either be really good, or really bad!
It’s 5050...#puns #humor

Kathy Reid
2 months ago

Good evening #Fediverse :fediverse:! In tonight's #Introduction #ConnectionList #TwitterMigration post, where I help to more richly connect the Fediverse, I'd like you to meet:

@unsw_ai is #UNSW #AI research centre 👋

@oj_gstrein is the Director of #DataScience and society at the University of #Groningen #researcher #academic 👋

@hollie is enthusiastic about #nature, #puns, the #IndieWeb, #reading, #sewing and #knitting (me, too Hollie! 🧶 👋 )

@futilityfunc is a #DataScience person who is interested in #complexity, #DynamicSystems, #systems and #cybernetics 👋

@mythopoetica is a Senior #Lecturer #researcher in #Literature and #CreativeWriting and is into #CriticalTheory 👋

@peridragon designs colourful #knitting patters and is into #history #biology and #StarTrek Knit long and prosper, Peridragon! 👋

@HackingDave is the #founder of Binary Defense and TrustedSec and works in #infosec and is a #hacker 👋

@Ellopunk is into #Linux 🐧, #infosec and is into #ThreatModeling 👋

@ErikC is an #academic #researcher at UniSA and is into #DigitalHumanities, #VirtualHeritage and #SeriousGames 👋

Don't forget to build your own #ConnectionList #FollowFriday so we can more richly connect the Fediverse ❤️

james
3 months ago

@neil in that case, I'd use #puns of #neilspuns