#puns

#DadJokes #puns #DadJoke #pun #funWithLanguage #funny #DogsOfMastadon #DucksOfMastodon

10 hours ago

Joke meme, featuring a black and white puppy with an annoyed expression on his face. A duckling is snuggling up to him.

The text reads: "The ducks won't leave my dog alone. My fault for getting a pure-bread." "Bread" is spelled like a loaf of bread, rather than the homonym referring to breeding.

16 hours ago

Did you hear about the hippy who loved nature so much he married a river?

Mrs Hippy.

2 days ago

My wife said, "I can think of 14 reasons to leave you, plus your obsession with Tennis.

I replied, "That's 15 love."

Jesse

2 days ago

My bf plays music with my high school English teacher and just got a blob of sourdough starter from him. Bf is insisting I give the starter an Existentialism-related name but stared at me blankly when I said "Albert Kamut"

#baking #Sourdough #pun #puns

#DadJokes #puns #DadJoke #pun #funWithLanguage #funny

2 days ago

Joke meme featuring a pair of wedding rings linked together with the sort of chain you'd expect linking a pair of handcuffs.

The text reads: "Shotgun weddings are a matter of wife or death."

D O N N Λ

Why did the programmer quit his job? He didn't get arrays. 😂

#DadJokes #Funny #Puns

#dadJoke #pun #dadJokes #puns #funWithLanguage

Joke meme featuring an artistically-stylized photograph of a bridge over the Seine River in France.

The text reads:
"Jumping off a Paris bridge means you're in Seine."

Fictionary

#Fictionary #Puns #BadPuns

Hyperventilate
To use an excessively large and powerful fan to air out a very small space.

Puns on St Patrick's day don't just shame you...

They Seamus all!

Dr. Tineke D'Haeseleer

You know, the hashtags on here are so much better than on the other place

Even if it took me a good minute to realize what #Macadamia was (not the nuts, though academia will drive you nuts much if the time these days). Then there is #Mosstodon and #Asstodon, also very clever ones.

What other puns in hashtag land am I missing or unaware of?

#puns #HashtagHumor

Catalyzed

" Introducing the 'fatigre' – a tiger in desperate need of a siesta! 🐯💤 Who knew big cats could get this tired? 😆 #Puns #TigerHumor "

#GeneratedwithAI

Skytis

What do you call it when a bear makes a mistake?
A bearror
#puns #DadJokes

pat radio

#TomJones #Puns #Humor #TrueLove

Me: "Somebody put on Tom Jones' Greatest Hits at the Senior Center gym today."

Wife: "That's not unusual."

Dgar

It’s #FollowFriday and I #FollowBack so #Follow me for a #FridayFollow this #Friday.

If you have an #introduction toot pinned on your #Mastodon profile that you’d like boosted, #comment “IntroBoost” below, and I’ll give you a #boost to help you connect with the community.

If you #FollowMe you can expect #DadJokes, bad #puns, and original #IndieMusic so I look forward to connecting with you, and connecting you to a wider #community.

🫶

A herd of American Mastodon by Roman Yevseyev.

Nice Dave

@GriffinGroup Great #puns #DadJokes

#dadJoke #pun #dadJokes #puns #funWithLanguage

When she's out during the day she has SUCH a long face!

Joke meme featuring an illustration of a horse galloping on a black background ilt by a full moon.

The text reads: "My horse hates sunlight. She's such a night mare."

Me: What do you know about atoms?

Son: Very little…

Me: besides that.

Mac Knowles

5 days ago

* A Square Meal *
Leftover PF Chang chicken lo mein.
#puns #TastyPuns

A square plastic container, a square glop of lo mein on a round plate, a knife and fork.
Hovering behind are a beer and koozie, 2 coffee cups, coffee maker, and microwave.
Seems I was having a messy day.

5 days ago

When I was younger, I decided that I wanted to become a Gregorian monk, but to be honest, I never really got the chants.
🤣
#DadJoke
#DadJokes
#puns

#DadJokes #puns #DadJoke #pun #nerdhumor #funWithLanguage #recreationalMisinterpretation #funny

5 days ago

A joke meme featuring an oval illustration of a silhouetted father and child, holding hands with their backs towards us. Beyond them is the sun setting into the ocean, turning the sky, waves and clouds shades of orange.

The accompanying text indicates a conversation between the father and his child:

"Daddy, what are clouds made of?"
"Linux servers, mostly."

Paul Peace

6 days ago

Marine science question:
Do lobsters get crabs?

#jokes #ScienceJokes #Paulsjokes #Puns #Wordplay

Bryn :heart_cybre:

6 days ago

if your reaction to someone’s bad news accidentally reveals that you think it’s kinda funny…

is that a schadenfreudian slip?

~ My partner Morgan, everyone

#puns

What do you call having too many dogs?
A roverdose.

DennisL

Did you hear about the elephants who want a pay raise? They’re tired of working for peanuts. #puns #familyGuy

Brian

Years ago, I had the idea to create a single-panel #comic featuring floating heads with "Mittens for Hands" (the name I settled on).

I have zero artistic talent and must have been either clinically-bored or feverish at the time.

But I could only think of three mitten jokes... and they were all pretty bad.

So... here they are... enjoy (or don't). :D

#mittens #puns #comics

A black and white, single-panel comic (titled "Going Out") with two floating heads facing each other. Below each is a pair of mittens (apparently their hands). One has a string that ties the two mittens together.

One says to the other:

"Sorry I couldn't go out last night."

The other responds:

"No worries, your hands were tied."

A black and white, single-panel comic (titled "The Ball") with two floating heads facing each other. Below each is a pair of mittens (apparently their hands). The first one is putting up a sign that says "See the worlds largest ball of yarn!". The second is angrily saying "You're a monster!"

A black and white, single-panel comic (titled "Terminal") with two floating heads facing each other. Below each is a pair of mittens (apparently their hands). The one on the left appears to be a doctor, with a stethoscope, holding a folder. The second has a sad look on its face and is holding up its mittens, which are torn and damaged. The doctor is saying "Unfortunately, it's what we feared... moth infestation."

#dadJoke #pun #dadJokes #puns #funWithLanguage #originalJoke

Sorry if urinalysis of my joke finds it lacking.

A joke meme that reads "Peeing on an electric fence means urine charge." The word "urine" is used instead of the words "your in."

At the bottom is graphic of a section of electrified fence, with a warning sign affixed that reads "Caution: Bare Live Wires."

Brendan

🌈 Scientists have successfully weighed a rainbow. They found that it was pretty light. #punday #puns

Shinal

Dang, this meal really gnocchi’d me out

(Not a original unfortunately but I had to 😅)

#puns #badjokes #food #travel

BeePS

Nor'Easter: a severe storm that prevents Peter Cottontail from making a great many of his holiday rounds.
#Easter #PeterCottontail #EasterEggs #EasterBunny #NorEaster #meteorology #storms #puns

Peter Kisner

#Humor #Puns #ButForRealTho #Insecta #Insects

If it doesn't already exist, there should be an insect-oriented Mastodon server called Frass.todon

Why did the chicken go to the gym?

To work on his pecks.

#metaDadJoke #dadJoke #pun #dadJokes #puns #funWithLanguage

A text meme that reads:
"Jokes become dad jokes when the punchline becomes apparent."

#dadJoke #pun #dadJokes #puns #funWithLanguage

Sorry, not sorry.

A meme featuring a composite image: a person mostly out of frame appears to be using a red accordion with an air hose coming out of it to inflate a car tire.

The text reads: "Polka hole in your tire? This is how to fix it, accordion to car owner's manuals."

This girl at the grocery store said she recognized me from the vegan club. But I swear I've never met herbivore!
#DadJoke
#DadJokes
#puns

Skytis

There's a term for that moment when you're not yet entirely sure if you want to call something sus: Sus pending
#puns #DadJokes

When I was younger, I had a photographic memory, but I never developed it.
📸
#DadJoke #dadjokes
#puns

Be kind to your dentist because he has fillings, too.
#DadJoke
#DadJokes
#puns

Cartoon image of Hermie the elf from Rudolph the RTed-Nosed Reindeer, captioned I want to be a dentist!" signed Hermie

I'm going to buy some velcro shoes instead of lace-ups. Why knot?
🤣
#DadJoke
#DadJokes
#puns

When I asked my dog how his day was he said it was rough.
🐶
#DadJokes #puns

Mark A. Rayner

I'm pleased to report this got a pretty good laugh from my undergrads during the lecture on color theory.

#rodstewart #colortheory #color #humor #humour #funny #pun #puns

side by side portraits of Rod Stewart, one in black and white and one in color. the black and white labelled "Rod Stewart" and the color labelled "Cone Stewart"

My 3 favourite things are eating my family and not using commas.

No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.

Brian

Not gonna lie, the #computer / #tech #puns in #Reboot still bring me joy.

#90s #cartoon #TV #animation

A seven second video clip from the animated TV series "Reboot". In it, a side character (a floating computer screen attached to the ceiling of a diner) says: "This is ridiculous! I'm a dedicated server, not a maid!"

Chinese takeaway £27.50. Petrol to get there £3.25. Getting home and realising they didn’t give you one of the containers....

riceless.

#MastoArt #Cats #Puns #MerchArtist #SmallBusiness

Cat x Literature #5
German Authors Edition 💙

Get them as stickers:
https://ko-fi.com/s/4952aa6e8a

Or mini prints:
https://ko-fi.com/s/0ae002220e

Cat scratching its chin while sitting on three books by authors Franz Catka, Hermann Hisse and Thomas Meow

Amy 🌸 🌻

I walked into a bar.

It really hurt my head.

#DadJokes #puns #joke

A man just assaulted me with milk, cream and butter...

How dairy.

Jon Kirkendall

#Mandalorian #Puns #LebaneseFood

I am draining homemade yogurt to make lebneh and my husband is letting the whey jokes fly.

He just brought me the bowl it's draining in and said, very solemnly, "This is the whey."

#MastoArt #Cats #Puns #MerchArtist #SmallBusiness #Pride

Cat x Literature #4
Gay Edition 🌈

Get them as stickers:

https://ko-fi.com/s/4952aa6e8a
Or mini prints:
https://ko-fi.com/s/0ae002220e

Cat laying on three books: Kitty of night, The Color Purrple, Meowrice

DennisL

I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me. #puns

#introduction - again

AKA https://calckey.social/@Anthopogenesis
reddit.com/user/ProfessorGumby
https://social.stlouist.com/@ProfessorGumby

Not an actual professor

#Infosec engineer.
Former technical support engineer, SOC analyst, IT technician, factory worker, radio DJ, bartender, cook, truck driver. Middle aged liberal snowflake who believes in equal rights and fair treatment for everyone regardless of faith, gender, sexuality, culture, race, or ability. Sometimes toots overly personal stuff.
#SouthernIllinois #NoCo #STL #Florissant #StLouis #SciFi #Fantasy #Fiction #Agnostic #Skeptic #Depression #Anxiety #Puns
#BlackLivesMatter

I just set up this instance. I tried it yesterday and ran into all sorts of problems so I rebuilt the server and tried again using the "develop" branch. This seems to be better for now. I apologize to those who may have received multiple follow requests.

#MastoArt #Cats #Puns #MerchArtist #SmallBusiness

Cat x Literature #3
Please expand image to see very glorious puns!

Get them as stickers:
https://ko-fi.com/s/4952aa6e8a
Or mini prints:
https://ko-fi.com/s/0ae002220e

A white cat with orange and black spots lying on its back on three books: Of Mice And Men, To Kill A Mockingbird, Romeow & Juliet

#DadJokes #puns #DadJoke #pun

Text meme that reads:

Hear about the bagel shop owner who couldn’t get into his store? Someone had changed the lox.

It was just one of many seedy capers intended to schmear him. However you slice it, it’s bad... if he can’t clear his name, he’s toast. He could lose everything!

He finally got in by shouting “Open, sesame!”

#MastoArt #Cats #Puns #MerchArtist #SmallBusiness

Cat x Literature #2
Satanic Edition!

Get them as stickers:
https://ko-fi.com/s/4952aa6e8a
Or mini prints:
https://ko-fi.com/s/0ae002220e

Black cat with a judgemental looking face sitting on three books: The Catanic Bible, Purrcifer and Lords of Cattos

Apparently, keeping tropical fish at home can have a calming effect on the brain...

Must be all the indoor fins.

I've decided I want a pet termite. I'm going to call him Clint.

Clint Eatswood.

We're Not In Kansas Anymore

@jd

😂😂😂😂😂
#snow #humor #puns #wtf

FiXato

#pun #puns #wordplay
#FiXatoPUNishes #FiXatoCreative

When you can't find your #cat, it might be using active catouflage.

Every morning when I get out of the house, a bike comes out of nowhere and runs me over...

It’s a vicious cycle.

#art #MastoArt #FediArt #puns #ChickenArt #DigitalArt #2023AYearForArt #DailyArtChallenge

Sarah Sammis

4 weeks ago

I'm having fun drawing this ridiculously intricate chickens. Here's my latest which took about seven hours to draw: "Fowl's Moving Castle"

Prints, mugs, etc, available here: https://sarah-sammis.pixels.com/featured/fowls-moving-castle-sarah-sammis.html

A gaudy, brightly colored castle shaped rooster mecha.

FiXato

4 weeks ago

Why call it a backstab, when you can call it buttrayal?

#FiXatoPUNishes #FiXatoCreative #FiXatoWrites #pun #puns #wordplay

4 weeks ago

I woke up last night to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor standing at the foot of my bed.

At first I was afraid...then I was petrified.

Chuck Taggart, Private Eye

A guy in ancient Greece walks into a tailor shop with a pair of torn pants.

The tailor says, "Euripides?"

The guy says, "Yeah, Eumenides?"

#puns #horrific

(You're welcome.)

#DadJoke #pun #DadJokes #puns

Text meme depicting dialog.

Human Cannonball:
I quit.

Ringleader:
Oh, please don’t quit! I’ll never find another man of your caliber!

What do conspiracy theorists and Excel have in common?

They spreadsheet.

#dadjokes #puns

Dgar

It’s #FollowFriday and I #FollowBack so #Follow me for a #FridayFollow this #Friday.

If you have an #introduction toot pinned on your profile that you’d like boosted, #comment “IntroBoost” below, and I’ll give you a #boost to help you connect with the community.

If you #FollowMe you can expect #DadJokes, bad #puns, and original #IndieMusic so I look forward to connecting with you, and connecting you to a wider #community.

🫶

Add your own #puns !

The Parrot Trap
#birdpuns #puns #jokes #games

Citizen Crane
#birdpuns #puns #jokes #games

The Bird is the Word!
Make a MOVIE more AVIAN!

#puns #jokes #games

Billboard from the movie Grease but saying Geese and the two characters have geese faces.

Joe Greenheron

#introduction Hi I'm Joe!

I live on a 10 acre (4ha) #Farmstead on #WhidbeyIsland, USA where I keep #Goats and #Chickens.

I love to #Travel and learn #Languages. I'm learning how to be a #Foodie. I'm obsessed with #Music, especially weird #EDM, classical, and #BlackPink.

I proudly serve on the #SchoolBoard of the local school district and I'm passionate about #Equity and #SocialEmotionalLearning in public education.

I'm mostly here for #Cat pictures and #Puns.

I'm a #Reconstructionist Jew.

Sune Auken

#Rock #Genre #Pietism #HighwayToHell #StairwayToHeaven #Puns

I've yet to note on Mastodon that, contrary to popular belief, rock music is the most pietist genre ever.

There's a Highway to Hell, but only a Stairway to Heaven.

The pietist picture "Der breite und der schmale Weg" which on the left shows a broad road of temptations leading to death and damnation an on the right a narrow path leading to the celestial city.

My Modern Met

https://mymodernmet.com/funny-valentines-cards/

Fun, quirky, and creative Valentine’s Day cards. #design #valentinesday #cards #funny #puns

“You’re all I knead” punny Valentine’s Day card featuring two illustrated cats. One cute gray cat is massaging (or kneading) a calico cat.

“I heart you to bits” punny Valentine’s Day card shaped like a retro Nintendo game cartridge. Features pixelated, 8-bit Link and Zelda with a red heart above them.

Karen E. Lund 💙💛

@QasimRashid My idea for a plot: The killer puts poison in his victims' oatmeal. He's a cereal killer.

#Puns

Mx. Kat Terban, MSc

Been here a little while, though I haven’t yet sunk into the universe until I got all pruney. These here #introduction toots will maybe clear up my intentions.

Hello all! Glad to be here. I’m a #UnionStrong #PublicServant who #writes #poetry. I’m hoping to find community with people who enjoy #books #reading #StarTrek #Proprioception #DoctorWho #sushi #cheese #puns #ActionMovies #mythology #tangents #SFF #science #art #history

Pwn Toney 🎹🎤

Time for a legitimate #Introduction

I am @pwn_toney aka Kielen (key-len). I'm operating on a personal instance & I should intro for people I've met since migrating

Me: peripatetic creator, #musician, aspiring game #composer, masters candidate, children's book author, husband, dad, #SciFi enthusiast, #gamer, occasional #streamer, #introvert, #ADHD, recovering Pistons fan, & habitual under-sleeper... #GenX, 1st #HipHop gen.,
#BlackTwitter transplant

#Farscape #DadJokes & #Puns make us friends!

hollie

#gas #gasstove #gasrange #electricstove #sustainability #energytransition #puns #dadjokes #induction #cooking

Made terrible dental pun to friend who just found out their year will be filled with a series of procedures to deal with a rebellious tooth. Then, sincerely, I said, "I'm so sorry, my brain just does that."

She laughed and said, "No, keep it up, you have to keep me laughing through the entire year, that's your new goal." A year's worth of dental puns? HOLD MY BEER

If you have any ideas, feel free to share, I want to get a list going, you know the drill HAHAHA (like that but better). #puns

Persuaded a bunch of people to join my Cult of Electric Stoves and leave their gas ranges behind, we just had the welcome celebration.

Hell of an Induction ceremony.

Rev. GothAlice

@cmconseils See… this is part of why content warnings exist as a feature. You know what you did @donmelton… 🤪

I've been exposed to more #puns and #dadjokes since migrating over than in the years leading up to the migration. It's hilarious. And painful. And punishable by the slaw.

Cole's law.
Finely shredded cabbage.

I need to stop using that one, but I've also recently used my "H₂O₂" bad chemistry homicide joke.

I need more bad jokes.
Wait. Waitwaitwait… nuuuu~

Paul Turnbull

#PearlsBeforeSwine #puns #comic #humour

Six frame comic:
1. Goat talking to Pig and a guy who are carrying crates of jam.
- Goat: What are you doing Pig?
- Pig: Got a job making jam at this British company but the bosses treat us badly.
2. Goat and Pig talking
- Goat: How so?
- Pig: They call us peons.
3. Goat and Pig talking while Pig carries more jam.
- Goat: Well that’s not nice.
- Pig: No, it’s not. But you know what us jam workers are gonna do? We’re going wear the title with pride.
4. Goat and Pig talking and two bosses walk up.
- Pig: We’re gonna show him we’re the hardest working peons ever! We won’t even take bathroom breaks.
- Boss: Okay, who here needs to use the loo?
5. Pig yelling
- Pig: NO TIME FOR LOOS, SIRS, ‘CAUSE WE ARE THE JAM PEONS!
6. The cartoonist’s desk with Rat standing on it holding a baseball bat. A pain star drifting up from behind the desk.
- Rat: Mama? Just killed a man.

CliffChapman

#WankMovies #Puns #WordGames #ReplaceOneWord

Take a book, movie or TV show and replace one word with "wank": eg Raiders of the Lost Wank

Don Watkins

3,027 years from today, life will either be really good, or really bad!
It’s 5050...#puns #humor

Kathy Reid