#puns
Having too much sex can cause memory loss.
I read it on page 14 in a medical journal
on the 14th November 2019 at 3.19pm.
#DailyDadJoke #DadJokes #Puns
I adore puns and wordplay. Here is one of my favorites:
There was this guy looking for the best hollandaise sauce and a friend suggested he look in Nome, Alaska.
When questioned why in Nome, the friend replied, "Everyone knows there's no place like Nome for the Hollandaise."
You're welcome. Carry on.
Wife: I was dusting and I got a lot of dust in my nose. It feels like it’s boogers but it’s not.
Me: Was that intentional?
Wife: Getting dust in my…oh. No. Sadly.
Her: 'Why do we need walkie-talkies?
Our relationship is over.'
Me: 'Our relationship is what? Over.'
#DailyDadJoke #DadJokes #Puns
Lost Control
Pulled it out of my backpack and saw that it had lost control. Not entirely. It still had some left. Or right, as the case may be.
(Yes, I did eventually find the *ahem* key to restore it.)
Winning streak
The final, victorious play in a contest in which the scoring player is naked.
How do you console an English teacher?
There, their, they're
#DailyDadJoke #DadJokes #Puns
My wife asked me if I was ever going to stop singing Wonderwall.
I said maybe.
#joke #jokes #jokesofmastodon #jokeoftheday #dadjoke #dadjokes #funny #humour #humor #puns #comedy #fun #LOL #facepalm #extremefacepalm #notmyfault #fun #just4fun #Oasis
How many conspiracy theorists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Do your own research.
#DailyDadJoke #DadJokes #Puns
It's the final day of #PunMonth! Can you believe it! Thanks for joining in this month, and I'm already stocking up for next year. Without further ado...
#PunMonth Day 30 -- Word. #Puns #DadJokes #Microsoft
Even people who like puns are being replaced. There's nothing AI can't do.
________
#Puns
I accidentally drank invisible ink.
I'm now in the hospital waiting to be seen.
#DailyDadJoke #DadJokes #Puns
I accidentally took my cats medicine last night.
Don't ask meow.
#DailyDadJoke #DadJokes #Puns
I am giving up drinking for a month.
Sorry that came out wrong.
I am giving up. Drinking for a month.
#DailyDadJoke #DadJokes #Puns
I am starting a charity to teach short people maths.
It's called making the little things count.
#DailyDadJoke #DadJokes #Puns
Me: I’m terrified of random letters.
Therapist: You are?
Me: [screams]
Therapist: I see.
Me: [screams intensify]
I asked my German friend if he knew the square root of 81.
He said no.
#DailyDadJoke #DadJokes #Puns
#PunMonth Day 25 -- ONE MONTH TILL CHRISTMAS! #Puns #DadJokes #Christmas #Holidays
I asked my new date to meet me at the gym, but she never showed up.
I guess we aren't going to work out.
#PunMonth day 24 -- This pun is magical https://www.dlswriter.com/post/pun-month-day-24-this-pun-is-magical #Puns #DadJokes #Magic #Abracadabra
#TimeTravelAuthors, pun lovers, and tellers of #DadJokes - give me your best #TimeTravel #jokes, quips, #memes, and #puns.
The ones I like will be shared on #isBrill - https://punning.isbrill.com/ (with a credit link obviously)
It’s really hard to say what my wife does for a living.
She sells sea shells on the sea shore.
Bartender says "very conical" #puns #baddadjokes
I can't believe that viruses and bacteria would just invade my body without permission.
That makes me sick.
#DailyDadJoke #DadJokes #Puns
Emergency caller: my friend was bitten by a wolf.
Dispatcher: where?
Caller: no, a regular one.
I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6, and 500 as Roman numerals!
IM LIVID.
#DailyDadJoke #DadJokes #Puns
#PunMonth Day 22 -- It would be shelfish to not share this pun #IKEA #CaptainAmerica #Puns #DadJokes
Yesterday I accidentally drank some food coloring.
The doctor says I’m okay, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.
This lady has lightnings to deliver. What do you think you are doing, by holding her up? 🤣
I find this so funny without context!
A quotation from The Master And Margarita by Mikhail Bulgakov
@bookstodon @bookstadon
#books #reading #literature #russianliterature #themasterandmargarita #puns #jokes #funny
This lady has lightnings to deliver. What do you think you are doing, by holding her up? 🤣
I find this so funny without context!
@bookstodon @bookstadon
Quotation from the Master And Margarita by Mikhail Bulgakov
#books #reading #themasterandmargarita #mikhailbulgakov #literature #russianliterature #jokes #puns #funny
I found out my girlfriend is really a ghost.
I had my suspicions the moment she walked through the door.
#DailyDadJoke #DadJokes #Puns
Friend at game night: *puts some snacks on the table*
Other friend: Are those for sharing or is that your dinner?
Me (pointing at green things): Yeah, is that edama-you or edama-me?
Friend: They’re sugar snap peas but good try. And they’re for everyone.
I got fired from the bank today.
A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her.
#DailyDadJoke #DadJokes #Puns
Anyone know any #puns about sound recording?
Making short clips of woodland atmosphere, forest sample.
Every morning when I walk out of my house, a bike comes out of nowhere and runs me over.
It’s a vicious cycle.
He rounded them up.
I fried an RS-232 port; does that make me a serial killer?
Dad: this bouncy castle is twice the price it was last year.
Child: dad…
Dad: that’s…
Child: please don’t…
Dad: inflation for you.
Did you know that beeswax can remove most witches' curses?
It's made in hex-a-gone pattern.
I never thought orthopedic shoes really would work for me.
But I stand corrected.
"Don't meet your heroes!" they say. And that is certainly what they told us as we arrived in Inverness to meet Piers Anthony. It was a bad idea even for the 90s. A few teens in a beat up car and $20 heading south to cold call a known author. Getting directions to his place was easy but it all came with a warning – "Don't!" #writing #FlashMemoir #poetry #florida #books #fantasy #puns #90s #SpokenWord
Just got hospitalised due to a peekaboo accident.
They put me in the ICU.
#DailyDadJoke #DadJokes #Puns
I got called pretty today.
Well, the full statement was “you’re pretty annoying,” but I only focus on positive things.
@VirginiaHolloway @futurebird
And each of the tenants has an “antonym.” #puns
The formula to measure the area of a pun is
length times wit #puns
It appears both @mattgodbolt and I typo Python as Pythong all the time, to which I ask:
Can you run a pythong through the dryer without a dryer sheet and get static typing?
I remember the first time I saw a universal remote.
I thought to myself, “well this changes everything.”
@Cdespinosa @mbessey @apontious Before they invented them, being an engine was a tankless job.
My new sweater was full of static electricity so I returned it.
They gave me a new one free of charge.
Next time you’re washing your hands next to somebody, cup your hands under the tap until the water overflows. Then look at them dramatically and say “this water is getting out of hand.”
bad opinion about mushrooms:
a shiitake.
#puns