Masthash

#puns

Daddy Joker
6 hours ago

Having too much sex can cause memory loss.

I read it on page 14 in a medical journal
on the 14th November 2019 at 3.19pm.

#DailyDadJoke #DadJokes #Puns

SilverSalmonAK
7 hours ago

I adore puns and wordplay. Here is one of my favorites:

There was this guy looking for the best hollandaise sauce and a friend suggested he look in Nome, Alaska.

When questioned why in Nome, the friend replied, "Everyone knows there's no place like Nome for the Hollandaise."

You're welcome. Carry on.

#puns #Alaska #funny

lorddimwit: not a typewriter
1 day ago

Wife: I was dusting and I got a lot of dust in my nose. It feels like it’s boogers but it’s not.

Me: Was that intentional?

Wife: Getting dust in my…oh. No. Sadly.

#puns

Steve Griffin 〓〓
1 day ago

I got mugged by six dwarves last night...

Not Happy.

#Puns #Dad Jokes

Daddy Joker
1 day ago

Her: 'Why do we need walkie-talkies?
Our relationship is over.'

Me: 'Our relationship is what? Over.'

#DailyDadJoke #DadJokes #Puns

Kelson
1 day ago

Lost Control

Pulled it out of my backpack and saw that it had lost control. Not entirely. It still had some left. Or right, as the case may be.

(Yes, I did eventually find the *ahem* key to restore it.)

#keyboard #puns

https://hyperborea.org/journal/2023/12/lost-control/

A very flat external computer keyboard (like you would use for a tablet) with one of the Ctrl keys missing.
Albert Semple, Poet
1 day ago

I've got a friend in Ebbw Vale
Who's funny and gregarious.
Valleys people make me laugh.
I guess they are Hill Areas!

#Wales #poetry #puns

Neichan 🏳️‍⚧️
2 days ago

Puns make me numb but math puns make me number

#mathjoke #joke #puns

Fictionary
2 days ago

Winning streak
The final, victorious play in a contest in which the scoring player is naked.

#Fictionary #Puns #BadPuns

Daddy Joker
2 days ago

How do you console an English teacher?

There, their, they're

#DailyDadJoke #DadJokes #Puns

Colin_6
2 days ago
Daddy Joker
3 days ago

How many conspiracy theorists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Do your own research.

#DailyDadJoke #DadJokes #Puns

Kittencaboodle
3 days ago

It's the final day of #PunMonth! Can you believe it! Thanks for joining in this month, and I'm already stocking up for next year. Without further ado...

#PunMonth Day 30 -- Word. #Puns #DadJokes #Microsoft

**Twitter Posts**

KRUEGER -- When you Excel they spreadsheet about you
Yemi -- You made a power point
The Skeptic's Book of Lists
3 days ago

Even people who like puns are being replaced. There's nothing AI can't do.
________
#Puns

Absolute Memery 🎭
4 days ago
Daddy Joker
4 days ago

I accidentally drank invisible ink.

I'm now in the hospital waiting to be seen.

#DailyDadJoke #DadJokes #Puns

Kittencaboodle
4 days ago

#PunMonth Day 29 -- The Penultimate Pun. (Punultimate?) #Puns #DadJokes #Animals #Jokes

What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter? 

An irrelephant.
Daddy Joker
5 days ago

I accidentally took my cats medicine last night.

Don't ask meow.

#DailyDadJoke #DadJokes #Puns

Happy Holliedays
5 days ago

The author of this weaving book has published the sentence, "...otherwise, there's not much stopping an eager weaver," and I think she and I are going to get along just fine.

#weaving #puns

Eric the Flerken Ailurophile
5 days ago

Every time my plant grows a new leaf, it’s a relief.

#dadjokes #puns

Kittencaboodle
5 days ago

#PunMonth Day 28 -- This month is never boar-ing. #Puns #DadJokes #tech #Animals

Business Cow -- Cow Sell Early, Cow sell late
Business Sheep -- Sheep sell early, Sheep sell late
Business Pig -- Pig sell early, **pixelated image of Business Pig**
Jon Bowie
5 days ago

This place in #Glasgow #Scotland seems... #familiar
I hope I can #Count on you to get the reference
I know, these #puns #suck...

The Renfield Bar
Martin
6 days ago

This is where it all begun. Forget all you know about the #funk genre starting in the 1960 USA -Here is the proof it all started in the 1960s Sweden! ( #sarcasm #itsajoke #puns )

A broken something saying it is broken with the word Funk
Daddy Joker
6 days ago

I am giving up drinking for a month.
Sorry that came out wrong.

I am giving up. Drinking for a month.

#DailyDadJoke #DadJokes #Puns

Kittencaboodle
1 week ago

#PunMonth Day 27 -- This is a first class pun #Puns #DadJokes #Bison #School

What did the buffalo say to his son at school dropoff? 

Bison.
Daddy Joker
1 week ago

I am starting a charity to teach short people maths.

It's called making the little things count.

#DailyDadJoke #DadJokes #Puns

Kittencaboodle
1 week ago

#PunMonth Day 26 -- This is the write pun for the day #Puns #DadJokes #Markers #Writing

Mark Wyner :vm:
1 week ago

Me: I’m terrified of random letters.

Therapist: You are?

Me: [screams]

Therapist: I see.

Me: [screams intensify]

#DadJokes #Puns #NotMyFault

Absolute Memery 🎭
1 week ago
Daddy Joker
1 week ago

I asked my German friend if he knew the square root of 81.

He said no.

#DailyDadJoke #DadJokes #Puns

Kittencaboodle
1 week ago

#PunMonth Day 25 -- ONE MONTH TILL CHRISTMAS! #Puns #DadJokes #Christmas #Holidays

A "For Lease" sign with "NAvidad" spray painted on it
Mark Wyner :vm:
1 week ago

Doctor: I’m sorry, but we had to remove your colon.

Me Why?

#DadJokes #Puns #NotMyFault

Skytis
1 week ago

I love puns, especially when they revolve around homonyms. I just can't get enough of those.
I guess I'm homonymphomaniac

#Puns #DadJokes

Daddy Joker
1 week ago

I asked my new date to meet me at the gym, but she never showed up.

I guess we aren't going to work out.

#DailyDadJoke #DadJokes #Puns

#TimeTravelAuthors, pun lovers, and tellers of #DadJokes - give me your best #TimeTravel #jokes, quips, #memes, and #puns.

The ones I like will be shared on #isBrill - https://punning.isbrill.com/ (with a credit link obviously)

Mark Wyner :vm:
1 week ago

It’s really hard to say what my wife does for a living.

She sells sea shells on the sea shore.

#DadJokes #Puns #NotMyFault

mirqmarq428
1 week ago

Bartender says "very conical" #puns #baddadjokes

Daddy Joker
1 week ago

I can't believe that viruses and bacteria would just invade my body without permission.

That makes me sick.

#DailyDadJoke #DadJokes #Puns

Kittencaboodle
1 week ago

#Punmonth Day 23 -- Thanksgiving! I'm thankful as cluck for all of you! #Puns #DadJokes #Thanksgiving #Months #Holidays

Can February march?
No, but April may.

Emergency caller: my friend was bitten by a wolf.

Dispatcher: where?

Caller: no, a regular one.

#DadJokes #Puns #NotMyFault

Daddy Joker
2 weeks ago

I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6, and 500 as Roman numerals!

IM LIVID.

#DailyDadJoke #DadJokes #Puns

Kittencaboodle
2 weeks ago

#PunMonth Day 22 -- It would be shelfish to not share this pun #IKEA #CaptainAmerica #Puns #DadJokes

**Captain America fight meme**
-- The CEO of IKEA was elected as the Prime Minister of Sweden
-- Really?  What's he doing now? 
-- Assembling his cabinet

Yesterday I accidentally drank some food coloring.

The doctor says I’m okay, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.

#DadJokes #Puns #NotMyFault

Kittencaboodle
2 weeks ago

#PunMonth Day 21 -- You may want to store this one away for later #Puns #DadJokes #Tech #Bees

What do you call a bee that comes from America? 

A USB
Narayoni
2 weeks ago

This lady has lightnings to deliver. What do you think you are doing, by holding her up? 🤣
I find this so funny without context!

A quotation from The Master And Margarita by Mikhail Bulgakov
@bookstodon @bookstadon
#books #reading #literature #russianliterature #themasterandmargarita #puns #jokes #funny

"‘Citizens!’ the woman got angry. ‘Sign, and then be silent as much as you like! I deliver lightnings!’"--A quotation from The Master And Margarita by Mikhail Bulgakov.
Narayoni
2 weeks ago

This lady has lightnings to deliver. What do you think you are doing, by holding her up? 🤣
I find this so funny without context!

@bookstodon @bookstadon
Quotation from the Master And Margarita by Mikhail Bulgakov
#books #reading #themasterandmargarita #mikhailbulgakov #literature #russianliterature #jokes #puns #funny

"‘Citizens!’ the woman got angry. ‘Sign, and then be silent as much as you like! I deliver lightnings!’"--A quotation from The Master And Margarita by Mikhail Bulgakov.
Daddy Joker
2 weeks ago

I found out my girlfriend is really a ghost.

I had my suspicions the moment she walked through the door.

#DailyDadJoke #DadJokes #Puns

I wanted to live-stream the origami event.

But it was only on paper view.

#DadJokes #Puns #NotMyFault

Kittencaboodle
2 weeks ago

#PunMonth Day 20 -- Support those who are out standing in their fields. #Puns #DadJokes #Farming #Math

| support Farming. In fact, you could call me

*image of a protractor*
Paul-Gabriel Wiener
2 weeks ago

I regret to inform you that Mister Potatohead is no longer welcome here. He is persona au gratin.

(Sorry, I know that's kind of cheesy.)

#Puns #DadJokes

lorddimwit: not a typewriter
2 weeks ago

Friend at game night: *puts some snacks on the table*

Other friend: Are those for sharing or is that your dinner?

Me (pointing at green things): Yeah, is that edama-you or edama-me?

Friend: They’re sugar snap peas but good try. And they’re for everyone.

#puns #GameNight

Daddy Joker
2 weeks ago

I got fired from the bank today.

A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her.

#DailyDadJoke #DadJokes #Puns

Long Starbird
2 weeks ago

Anyone know any #puns about sound recording?

Making short clips of woodland atmosphere, forest sample.

Kittencaboodle
2 weeks ago

#PunMonth Day 19 -- It's about time I posted this one! #DadJokes #Puns #Time #Fashion

What do you call a belt with a clock on it? 

 A waist of time.
Steve Griffin 〓〓
2 weeks ago

This morning Siri said "Don't call me Shirley"...

I accidentally left my phone on airplane mode.

#Puns #DadJokes

Kittencaboodle
2 weeks ago

#PunMonth Day 18 -- This one is a feather in my cap. #Puns #DadJokes #Hats #Boats

Today, | learned that if you flip a canoe over you can wear it as a hat. Because it is cap-sized

It was at that moment…
😂😂😂

#Funny #Joke #Humor #DadJokes #Puns #Owls

Older man eating pasta while listening to the joke. When he delivers the punchline he takes a quick breath and then his face completely changes. Hu’s eyes turn to a lack of amusement and he slowly allows his head to sink a little.

Every morning when I walk out of my house, a bike comes out of nowhere and runs me over.

It’s a vicious cycle.

#DadJokes #Puns #NotMyFault

Why don’t monsters eat ghosts?

They taste like sheet.

#DadJokes #Puns #NotMyFault

Kittencaboodle
3 weeks ago

#PunMonth Day 14 -- This pun may actually be too old for some people to understand. #Puns #Vintage #DadJokes #Antique

9yo: “"Hey, Dad, | have a pun for you." 
"Ooh, what is it?"
 9yo: "It's like a joke, where you play with words." 
| JUST GOT LESLIE NIELSENED BY MY OWN CHILD.
Michael Rawdon
3 weeks ago

@joe (cons ‘chile ‘carne) #lisp #puns #chili

I'm making Chili Con Carne for an office Chili Cookoff. They are printing signs in the morning for the tables.

Which name should I go with for my entry?

:boostRequest: Boosts Appreciated.

#Chili #Puns #Polls

Steve Griffin 〓〓
3 weeks ago

The guy who invented the Ferris Wheel never met the guy who invented the Merry-go-Round...

They travelled in different circles.

#Puns #DadJokes

FiXato
3 weeks ago
FiXato
3 weeks ago

I fried an RS-232 port; does that make me a serial killer?

#FiXatoPUNishes #pun #puns #punDay #SundayPun

Kittencaboodle
3 weeks ago

#PunMonth Day 10 -- This is music to my ears. #sewing #puns #music #dadjokes

My friend writes songs about sewing machines. He's a Singer songwriter.

Or sew it seams.

Dad: this bouncy castle is twice the price it was last year.

Child: dad…

Dad: that’s…

Child: please don’t…

Dad: inflation for you.

#DadJokes #Puns #NotMyFault

Steve Griffin 〓〓
4 weeks ago

The inventor of autocorrect has died...

His funeral will be held tomato

#Puns #DadJokes

Kittencaboodle
1 month ago

#PunMonth Day 6 -- Going against the grain here... #Puns #DadJokes #Bread #Baking

My husband asked me just now why there are gingerbread men, and not  gingerbread women.  I told him "It's the pastryarchy

Where do bad rainbows go?

Prism.

It’s a light sentence.

#DadJokes #Puns #NotMyFault

ersatzmaus
1 month ago

It's raining chickens and ducks out there.

Absolutely fowl weather.

#puns

Natalie
1 month ago

Do you think no one bought this bum bag because of the incredible pun?

#mastopun #puns

Screenshot of my shop, fancyladyindustries.com. The product is a bum bag made from muffin print fabric. The title of the product is "Much Ado About Muffin Bumbag".
Paul-Gabriel Wiener
1 month ago

Did you know that beeswax can remove most witches' curses?

It's made in hex-a-gone pattern.

#Halloween #puns #DadJokes

I never thought orthopedic shoes really would work for me.

But I stand corrected.

#DadJokes #Puns #NotMyFault

Damon Thomas
1 month ago

"Don't meet your heroes!" they say. And that is certainly what they told us as we arrived in Inverness to meet Piers Anthony. It was a bad idea even for the 90s. A few teens in a beat up car and $20 heading south to cold call a known author. Getting directions to his place was easy but it all came with a warning – "Don't!" #writing #FlashMemoir #poetry #florida #books #fantasy #puns #90s #SpokenWord

Person stares while standing against a shiny background.
Daddy Joker
1 month ago

Just got hospitalised due to a peekaboo accident.

They put me in the ICU.

#DailyDadJoke #DadJokes #Puns

I got called pretty today.

Well, the full statement was “you’re pretty annoying,” but I only focus on positive things.

#DadJokes #Puns #NotMyFault

Kevin RR :verified:
1 month ago

@VirginiaHolloway @futurebird
And each of the tenants has an “antonym.” #puns

Don Watkins
1 month ago

The formula to measure the area of a pun is
length times wit #puns

Inverse Phase
1 month ago

It appears both @mattgodbolt and I typo Python as Pythong all the time, to which I ask:

Can you run a pythong through the dryer without a dryer sheet and get static typing?

#python #programming #puns #coding #jokes

I remember the first time I saw a universal remote.

I thought to myself, “well this changes everything.”

#DadJokes #Puns #NotMyFault

Michael Rawdon
1 month ago

@Cdespinosa @mbessey @apontious Before they invented them, being an engine was a tankless job.

#puns

Jan :rust: :ferris:
1 month ago

Congrats! You've just done a macro expansion! 🥳 :ferris:

#Rust #RustLang #Pun #Puns

My new sweater was full of static electricity so I returned it.

They gave me a new one free of charge.

#DadJokes #Puns #NotMyFault

Next time you’re washing your hands next to somebody, cup your hands under the tap until the water overflows. Then look at them dramatically and say “this water is getting out of hand.”

#DadJokes #Puns #NotMyFault

What’s made of leather and sounds like a sneeze?

A shoe.

#DadJokes #Puns #NotMyFault

raphael
2 months ago

bad opinion about mushrooms:
a shiitake.
#puns